In my mind...

I have a bit of randomness on my mind today.

I'll start with the fact that I faked my way through work today. Ya girl was totally non-productive. I've been superwoman at work for the past 2 months, and methinks I'm starting to get burnt out. I think its time for me to take a personal day and I need to plan a vacation ASAP.

Today I self-diagnosed myself with PMDD. I mean, it could be the only rational reason why I'm a moody, raging bitch for 14 days out of the month right? My BFF says its because I'm a Virgo, and we only have two sides - the nice, sweet side...and then the harsh, mean, kinda sadistic evil side. I'm gonna go with D. All of the above.

Since I self-diagnosed, I need to self-medicate. My supplier is low on product, so I'm gonna go with a new guy. I've never consumed his product before so I hope its quality.

Real talk, when I feel like I'm gonna go outta my head the remedy is to light up. Marijuana seriously calms my nerves. To most its a recreational drug, but to me it soothes my anxiety and nervousness. It beats the alternatives. I'd rather light up than pop a Xanax ANY day.

I use it recreationally, too. It's multipurpose!

I need to do some spring shopping. I've been picking up items here and there, but I want some dresses. I absolutely always wear pants and I want to wear dresses for spring and summer. I also need cute, comfy sandals to wear to work. I'll go window shopping this weekend and browse the Internet for inspiration.

I'm supposed to meet my girls for Margarita night. I promised to make it to Inglewood before halftime of the Lakers/Suns game. It's the first quarter right now and I'm sitting here blogging. I have not made a move to get ready yet.

Peace ya'll.

Do You Know What Today Is?

It's my bloggerversary. It's my bloggerversary! Da-da-da-da-da-daaaaa.

One year ago today I decided to start a blog. It mainly started because I like reading blogs and I was like, "Ooohh, I want one!" I'm very opinionated and I have a lot on my mind and I needed an outlet. Blogging has proven to be therapeutic for me. I love the process of memorializing my thoughts and putting them out there for people to give me feedback. It's like therapy without paying hundreds of dollars to a therapist who is basically a sounding board for things that you already know deep down. I'm thankful for the people who take the time out to check me out and leave comments (although I've been slipping when it comes to updating regularly, but I'm working on that). I've run across some good blogs and although I'm a perpetual lurker, best believe that I take the time to check out everyone on my blog roll in addition to others that I link to from blogs that I visit regularly.

So I'm celebrating. If I can find some cannibus today I'll light one up to celebrate. I'm trying to locate my supplier as I write. Yes. I'm trading in one vice for another. In an attempt to cut back on my alcohol intake I've increased my consumption of the Cali green. Hey, its good for you. It's from the earth. Not too processed. One day very soon I'll dedicate an entire post to the virtues of marijuana.

So to all my readership, it's a celebration bitch!

I Hate Vain Men

I really do. I have an issue with men who are overly into themselves. Truthfully I have an issue with people who are overly into themselves.

This issue has arisen very recently since I met and went out with FAREB, the fine-ass real estate broker (thanks Southern Lady for the acronym). I met FAREB at the gym, my new spot to meet men. Seriously. I've met more people at the gym than I have at clubs and bars combined. It's a meat market. Ladies, want to meet some eye candy? Go work out at your local gym. Make sure you wear a cute tank top and yoga pants. No big ugly t-shirts and sweats. I guarantee you will meet someone.

The first few conversations with FAREB were cool. He seemed like a cool person. The stats were good: college educated, good job, no kids, owns his own place, nice car, attractive and fit. His resume looks really good on paper. Things sort of hit a wall when we began to talk about when we were going to see each other and spend some time together. Below is a brief transcript of our conversation:

FAREB: So when are we going to see each other?
Me: I'm busy on Friday. Maybe we can grab dinner or something on Saturday?
FAREB: (hesitatingly) Uh, I just want to see you.
Me: So dinner Saturday isn't good for you?
FAREB: (repeats) I just want to see you.
Me: (pausing) I see.

Call me crazy, but I got the sense the FAREB wasn't really feeling the idea of going out on a date. A few days later when we talked, he expressed to me that he didn't want to take me out on a date because he didn't want to invest money on a date when there was a possibility that things may not progress with us. What. the. fuck.

That had to be the biggest turn off. Seriously. First of all, why would someone operate on the assumption that things may not work out? Granted, that's always a possibility when you're getting to know someone, but its one of those things that you determine WHEN YOU'RE GETTING TO KNOW SOMEONE. You never know if things are going to work out. But dammit if you bring that whack ass attitude to the situation it will most certainly fail. Second, if he didn't want to spring for dinner, can you at least take a chick out for a scoop of ice cream or a Jamba Juice? That's a $5 date right there. I know the negro can spare $5, damn! It's not about dinner, ice cream, or smoothies. I have a job. A good one. I can pay for my own food. I'm not hard up for dinner. The whole idea is to spend time together interacting in a public place. This fool told me, "Well I was thinking we could do something like drive up to Palos Verdes and go to the beach." Uh, no. You may be fine and successful, but so was Ted Bundy and he was a serial killer. Me thinks not.

I expressed all this to him, and I suppose I made a compelling argument because he asked me out to dinner. We had a good time but in the back of my mind I thought, damn I had to go through all this to get a dinner date? Is it really worth it? Sheesh. I had to damn near strong arm him into taking me out.

As I stated in my last post, we had a great time on our date. I suppose he put his initial asshole-ness aside. It resurfaced again a few days ago. Another brief conversation transcript:

FAREB: ...yea, I got a pretty full weekend ahead of me. I booked it solid since someone seems like they don't want to see me.
ME: I'm guessing the someone you're referring to is me. If you wanted to kick it this weekend why didn't you tell me?
FAREB: You don't seem like you have a sense of urgency to see me.
ME: (thinking, are you serious?) I don't have a sense of urgency when it comes to dating. It doesn't mean that I don't like you or want to get to know you, I just let the cards fall how they may. Don't worry about it, we'll get up.
FAREB: Hmph. Well, I have to go, I'll talk to you later.

Wow! BGI doesn't have sense of urgency! You're damn right I don't. I don't give a fuck how fine or successful you are, I sweat no man. I seriously think that he thinks because he's the pick of the litter that women are supposed to fall at his feet. Well guess what boo, I'm the pick of the litter too! I can be as picky and choosy as I want. It's not necessary for me to be pressed because I can have any man I want. In addition, I'm already seeing someone, I'm getting to know FAREB to keep my options open. Right now he has the opportunity to fill my plan B slot because I already have a plan A. He may have it going on but I'm not looking for him to be my end all to be all. Old boy seriously has the game twisted.

I have to admit, it's kind of fun breaking him down a little bit. I can tell that I provide a challenge simply because I'm not making it easy for him. That challenge is what keeps him interested. He's learning the hard way that to get with a quality woman, a man has to put in a little bit of work. He isn't entitled to my time and energy based on his stats. Your resume gets you in the door but the time, effort, and energy you put in keeps you around.

If anything, I'm keeping him around for kicks. He makes for interesting chick gossip and blog entries.

Just Waking Up...Weekend Reflections

It's nearly 9 pm and I just woke up from a power nap. Sometimes I do that, I have the talent of power napping whatever the time of day or night. As long as I stick within the 30-45 minute range I'm good. If I go over that, fuck it I'm just asleep.

I had a pretty well rounded weekend. Friday after work I went to the nail salon for a mani/pedi and went to my local hood Forever 21-ish store to find a shirt to wear out Friday night. I found a really cute high quality looking black sleeveless top for $20. Ballin' on a budget. I paired the top with my dark denim skinny-cut Sevens and black stiletto heels. That's pretty much my club uniform - low cut top, a nice pair of jeans, and 3 1/2 inch heels.

Friday night my best friend and I went to Day After in Hollywood. I hadn't been out to a club in three months. The last time I went out was around the time when I met E. The club was crackin' although the crowd was hella young. Despite being at least 3 years older than everyone up in that piece, we had a good time. It was good to get out and go dancing. It's such a release. And I was puttin' it on the young boys on the dance floor! They wasn't ready.

Saturday I went to the dentist for a check up and cleaning. BGI has no cavities! Yay! After the pearly whites got polished I went to Target for toilet paper and ended up spending $68. It never fails, every time I go to that damn store for one thing I always leave with a bunch of crap I initially had no intentions on buying. After Target I stopped over to the day spa and made an appointment for a facial. After my errands I went home and took my afternoon nap. Didn't go out Saturday night. I needed one night of rest. I spent the duration of my Saturday eating, watching television, and sleeping.

Sunday I went to the gym, came home and did my hair. I had a date with the new guy I met - the fine ass real estate broker. I have to think of a pseudonym for him. Until I do, he will be referred to as the fine ass real estate broker. I will have to blog about him in a separate post because we've already had beef and we've only been seeing each other for 2 1/2 weeks. I digress. The fine ass real estate broker and I had dinner and dessert @ the Grand Luxe near the Beverly Center. Dinner was good, conversation was good, company was good. We had a wonderful time.

Peace, folks.

BGI is a heathen...

...according to my grandma. I don't know why I'm sitting here trying to explain to 70-something year old Christian (a Baptist at that) that I don't like going to church. I catch heat from Moms and grandma for not going to church. They don't understand why I don't want to go.

Part of my reasoning is pretty much the same as you would expect from someone who grew up in church and stopped going once they became an adult. The black church is full of hypocrites, shady types, etc. The ones in the choir stands and in the front pews testifying and shouting are the same ones sinning (sinnin' real hard!) Monday through Saturday.

Not only that, but I simply don't feel the need to go to church to praise the lord. According the G-ma, since I don't go to church I must be a non-believer. Going to church is the only way to ensure my ticket to heaven. I just don't think its so black and white. Real life doesn't work that way. Sometimes it kind of bugs me when people choose to keep their blinders on.

They think I'm just spitting noise, but I have my own personal relationship with God. I incorporate God into every aspect of my life. I express my thanks to the heavenly father on the daily and I know where my blessings come from. I just don't feel like I need to go to church to express that.

I don't want to knock church too much though. As I said, I grew up in church and I believe that religion provides a moral base from which people should live their life. When I have children I'll probably take mine to church regularly too. I just feel as an individual I have the right to decide where and how I choose to praise the lord. I don't knock them for going to church Sunday after Sunday, so they shouldn't knock me for not going. Everything ain't for everybody.

I just want to live my life on my terms. And that means taking the teachings of my religion and applying them to my own life. I don't believe that religion is one size fits all, what you get out of it depends on you.

I already know that trying to explain this to hard-core black Christians is like talking to a wall. So I'll just continue to take the punches thrown at me in the name of the Lord.

Upgrading My Financial Savvy

Until I started taking this Individual Financial Planning class (one of the two online classes I'm taking this semester) I didn't realize how little I knew about personal finance. It's some serious business! I always knew the importance of saving, budgeting, and maintaining good credit, which is something I'm working on (I'm not quite where I want to be), but I never paid much attention to comparing costs of credit, investing, etc.

I'm learning a lot about money. I'm no Suze Orman so I'm in no position to dish out financial advice, but I want to encourage all five of my readers to educate yourself about money. I thought I knew quite a bit but learning never stops and there is information out there for everyone from the novice to the OG.

Sites of interest:


www.bankrate.com

www.kiplinger.com

Yahoo Finance

Mindlessness

I haven't watched televesion all week. Fuck me for being so busy living life. I haven't made time to sit around and engage in mindless activity.

I really like TV. I would much rather watch TV than watch a movie. Movies are too long for me, I guess I'm just ADD-ish in that way. Sometimes it takes me several days to watch one movie.

I have a bunch of stuff in my DVR to watch. Between tonight and tomorrow I'm plowing through it. I got the turtle Chex Mix on deck, it's about to go down.

Oh, and yay for Entourage! Season premiere this Sunday. Vincent Chase is my yt boy fantasy. If I see him out and about in Hollywood he's getting it.

Peace...

Ok I really need to update my blog roll. I need to make some changes to the template. I'll get on it at some point. I promise.

Breakin' It Off

"They never really miss you 'til you dead or you gone, so on that note I'm leaving after this song..."

I was listening to The Black Album on my way home from work today. Dec. 4th is my shit! But my absolute favorite song on that album is Allure.

Oh wait...that wasn't the point of the above quote.

Update on the situation with E...I broke it off with him. I'm sure my friends are giving me a round of applause right now. But that's not all there is to it. (Sorry Kenny!) I'm still kind of seeing him. I told him that I didn't want to date him anymore because I felt disappointed, unappreciated and like he is wasting my time. But I still want to spend time with him and talk to him. The only difference is that we won't be intimate anymore.

After having the conversation with E I have seen a significant difference in the way he has been treating me. In a way it pisses me off because I feel like it took me breaking things off with him and denying physical intimacy for him to treat me the way I want to be treated. A part of me wants to rekindle things with him, but my sane side is telling me to give it some time to see whether he's really sincere or whether he's playing nice to reel me back in. He can only play the role for so long before his true intentions surface.

I think this break will be a good time for me to assess where things are with him and see where the situation goes. This could be just a rift in our dating situation or it could be what ends it. Only time will tell. I don't want to simply walk away without at least seeing what happens if we continue seeing each other.

However, I will be seeing other men. E and I have been seeing each other pretty much exclusively since the beginning. I think its important to approach dating as one would investing--diversify. Investing all you have into one thing is bad business and you run the risk of losing it all if the market crumbles. I feel like if I date other people I'll be less likely to rush back into a situation with him before I'm ready.

The Big Let Down

So much can happen within the span of a couple of months. I haven't written too much about my dating life lately, but its going through major ups and downs. The last time I wrote about E, the new dude, I was very optimistic. We were spending quite a bit of time together getting to know each other and enjoying one another's company. But lately I've been having the strangest feeling (love that Jodeci allusion, dontcha?)

Things aren't going too well with E and I. He has started this pattern of being really flaky, not calling when he says he is and breaking plans. What makes it really strange is that HE is the one who calls and initiates the plans, and then when the time comes for us to get up he doesn't call and is no where to be found. So far in the two and a half months we've been dating he has stood me up three times. Two times too many. With weak ass explanations. I honestly don't really want to hear any excuses. If you can't make a date you should call. Simple as that. It's not hard, no big deal. My intuition tells me he probably has a chick or something (although he has stated several times that I'm the only person he's dating). If he has another situation going, once again, no big deal. I'm not trying to be wifey, I just want to chill. Companionship is all I was seeking.

I'm very disappointed, because he really had me fooled. It may sound naive, but I thought he was different. He seemed very into me, but I think he was gassing me up. Put simply, he isn't treating me the way I deserve to be treated. And for that I've decided to cancel his punk ass.

I've given him two opportunities to redeem himself, after the first two times he stood me up with no explanation. I can't justify giving him another chance. We haven't been dating that long, I'm not that emotionally invested in him to want to keep him around, it's better to get rid of him now while its still early in the game. I have way too much other stuff going on in my life than to be wasting time and energy on someone who isn't giving me what I deserve. Besides, how can I focus on dating the hot new real estate broker I met if I'm trippin' off E?

When one door closes, another one opens. Real talk.

BGI, out.