Dear BGI...

I read Dear Abby every single day, as well as Dear Prudence on MSN Slate every week. I know, I'm a total nerd who LOVES advice columns. There is something wonderful about people who have the answer to any every question imaginable.

Usually people who submit questions to the advice columns ask about boring shit: etiquette, work stuff, did I commit a social faux pas? Blah blah blah. But one of this week's questions stood the hell out:

Dear Prudence,
I am the mother of a beautiful, clever, generally well-behaved 4-year-old girl. I adore her, and she's a delight to be with in public and sweet as pie with other adults. My problem isn't something that other moms talk about, or that I've seen other little girls do. My daughter likes to—uh, how shall I put this?—rub herself on things: tables, chairs, ottomans, stairs. She really gets into it, and can go for long periods—half an hour, 45 minutes. She becomes very intent and flushed, and often gets upset when we try to stop her (probably because it feels good—duh!). My husband and I call it "doing that thing" and we have been generally tolerant of it, even though it has embarrassed us when she's done it in public places like bookstores or at the babysitter's house. We think exploring one's body is a normal thing and that probably she will grow out of this, but when friends come over and see her "doing that thing" on the coffee table, it's a real conversation-stopper. Should we prevent or prohibit this behavior, just because it embarrasses us? I don't think it's a disciplinary issue, because she's not disobeying us or hurting us or herself. We just figured it was something that she would grow out of, but she's doing it more and more. It's just such a strange, awkward habit, and I can't settle on a graceful, sensible, loving solution.

—Puzzled

Oh damn! The woman's daughter is going around humping every inanimate object in sight? Wow.

I personally think masturbation is healthy and normal. But I have issue with the fact that the punk ass mama doesn't know how to tell her daughter to not make whoopie with furniture in front of others!

I don't have children so I am by no means an authorithy on child-rearing. So what would have BGI's mama said about this situation? It would have gone something like, "Girl stop humping the damn furniture! You know, people have to sit there. It isn't appropriate to get yourself off in front of people. You can get yourself off in your private time till Kingdom Come but you better get your cooch off my got-damn couch!" My mom is REALLY blunt. She gives it to you straight, no chaser.

Prudie's response is a much more PC variation of my mama's advice but nevertheless wise and straight up:

Dear Puzzled,
Now that you know what your daughter's up to, look more closely and you may occasionally notice other sweet little girls plastered to furniture, oblivious to their surroundings. Of course she's upset when you try to stop her. If you felt you had 10 orgasms to go, you'd be annoyed if your mother told you you'd had enough. There's nothing strange about preschoolers masturbating—for reassurance, read about it at this University of Michigan site, or in the book Everything You Never Wanted Your Kids to Know About Sex (But Were Afraid They'd Ask)—you will be able to relate to the mother of a 2-^_1/2-year-old who is quoted as saying, "Oh, my God, I realized Ella's humping Barney." How confusing and crushing for your daughter it would be if you tried to stop this behavior completely because of your own embarrassment. You want her to be comfortable with exploring her body and with the idea that it can be a source of pleasure. But at age 4, she is old enough to understand the distinction between things that are fine in private but not in public (she's toilet-trained, after all). You can explain to her that "doing that thing" is for at home when there's no company (if there's company, let her know she can do it in her room). When you're in public, and she starts approaching the nearest ottoman with that look on her face, tell her that's for when you're home, and come up with something to distract her. As for outgrowing "that thing," in a few years she will take it completely private (you needn't worry that your daughter will be rocking herself on the coffee table when she's 16), but you want to handle this now in such a way that you help her retain her robust joy in her body.

—Prudie

Lesson learned: it never occurred to me to use home furnishings when masturbating. Who knew? *Side-eyeing my leather chair*

Just a moment...

I have several random thoughts on my mind, so here we go...

I'm doing like 3 people's job nowadays. I won't complain too much, because I'm learning many many valuable skills. Makes me more of an asset which results in more bargaining power for me come annual review time.

It feels soooo good to get things off your chest. Better to put things out on the table rather than to keep it bottled up, leaving it to fester and cause people to assume things that may not necessarily be so. Communication is the answer.

E is going out of town this weekend. He's only going to be gone 3 days but I'm so sad! *Pouting right now*

I've grown so much over the past year. I've evolved immensely from the person I was 365 days ago.

I haven't eaten fast food in over a month. Wait, I'm lying. I had an In-N-Out burger a week and a half ago. But outside of that I haven't eaten fast food. It gives me the bubbleguts. Note to self to blog about my last Wienerschnitzel experience.

I cannot bring myself to watch this season of America's Next Top Model. I got 10 minutes into episode 1 and deleted the entire series recording from my DVR.

But I've watched EVERY episode of The Hills this season. Lauren really needs new friends.

Can't wait until Entourage comes back. 17 days and counting!

Vincent Chase is my yt boy fantasy.

Why o why is NBC canceling Passions? To make room for Today Show? It's clear they are doing that because Today Show's ratings suck ass, so cancel that shit! I know Passions better end with Theresa and Ethan finally getting together. And why is it that the only black couple on the show has a man on the down low?

I cleared my closet of old clothes, now its kind of bare. I need to go shopping.

I have shoes galore though.

Peace...

Taking the MBA plunge

I made a life decision this week - I'm going to get an MBA. It's something I've been considering for quite some time. I don't want to stop working to go back to school full-time, so I'm going part-time. After working in marketing for a little while I've grown to really enjoy it and I want to learn more about business and marketing. It also helps that having an MBA would make my resume more attractive.

I briefly considered the online MBA program offered at my undergrad institution, but I think taking graduate level business courses is something that I need to be physically present for. I'm currently taking online classes, which I absolutely love because its very convenient for me, but I do miss the human interaction that being physically present in a class provides.

I'm ready to get the ball rolling. I have a few prerequisites I need to take, which I'll take online @ Santa Monica College. I need to sign up for the GMAT and start studying for the exam. So much to do, so little time. My goal is to start the program fall semester 2008.

I'm going to apply to the on-campus program at my undergrad. Some say that if you're going to get an MBA you should go for a prestigious school, but I think a degree is a degree no matter what the institution is. As long as it is accredited that's all that matters. A prominent alma mater seems to only really matter if you plan on working on Wall Street or becoming a lawyer. The fact that my degree would be from a not-very-well-known state public university is irrelevant. In addition, some of the "better" schools don't have what I'm looking for. I checked out programs at Loyola Marymount and Pepperdine, and neither institution offers an MBA with a marketing concentration. My undergrad has a very extensive marketing concentration, including courses in internet marketing and several courses in marketing management. It will be easy for me to get into the program, it's affordable, and its literally a ten minute drive away from my house. The naysayers can keep the hefty prestigious MBA program pricetag. BGI won't be incurring anymore student loan debt.

Peace!

Dreams of Golden Showers

I often have recurring dreams. Lately my recurring dream has been about urinating (no R. Kelly). A few weeks ago I had a dream that I was at some sort of dinner party event and I went to the restroom to go pee and I kept going and going and going. I began to go and the flow wouldn't stop. A couple of nights ago I had another dream where I was in the shower, but the shower was in my bedroom closet and I peed in the shower. Weird!

I'm a huge believer in the hidden meaning of dreams. I believe that your dreams provide insight to your subconscious thoughts and that your dreams are trying to tell you something about yourself. I googled "dream interpretation" and came across this site, sort of a dream dictionary. I looked up "urination" and it turns out that to dream you are urinating "symbolizes a cleansing and release of negative or repressed emotions." I also looked up "shower" and to dream of taking a shower (in clear water) "denotes spiritual cleansing or renewal."

This may sound all new-agey, but I think these interpretations of my dreams hit the nail right on the head. As of this year I had reached a point in my life where I am content with myself and I have let go of the ill feelings I've had toward people. I stopped nursing grudges and letting negativity get in the way of my blessings. I stopped focusing on what I didn't have and thanked God for what I do have.

I don't know the whole significance of the whole shower in the closet thing. Everything in the dream isn't metaphorical, sometimes its just weird.

I can breathe again

I finally figured out the source of my allergies. For the past couple of weeks I have been suffering. Itchy, dry eyes, sneezing, runny nose, dry scratchy throat...it's horrible. I assumed it was springtime allergies because my sinuses usually start acting the fool around spring and fall.

So this morning I decided to straighten up my bedroom, and something told me to look under my bed. Under my bed was a thick ass layer of dust! I don't even remember the last time I looked under there. I found all kind of stuff that I had completely forgotten about. It then dawned on me that the dust in my room is probably a huge contributor to my sinus allergies. Now that I think about it, my sinuses are probably so shitty because the dust was right under my bed where I sleep every night. With that in mind I grabbed the vaccuum and began to whisk the dust away.

It didn't stop there. I moved my dresser, where there was even more dust. Behind my desk, there was more! My bedroom was a huge dust bowl, a breeding ground for dust mites and all kind of icky stuff. I took things an extra step and started up the air filter. My room feels so much cleaner. And I haven't sneezed once in over two hours.

Now I know. The next time my sinuses start acting up, clean my damn room!

Just dropping by...

This may sound mean, but I find it super annoying when people come over unannounced, and then stay for a long ass time. Some people in my family do this quite often, and it never fails to rub me the wrong way. It's like, damn, did it occur to you to maybe call first? That way when you come by you can save yourself the trouble of calling me out for still rocking my PJs at 2 o'clock in the afternoon. You come by without calling first, and then ask me why I'm not dressed? Maybe because I wasn't expecting company!

In addition, there are certain family members who I can only take in small doses. Ok fine, you come over unannounced, but shit feel free to leave, anytime. Do you have nothing better to do than to sit on our couch running your damn mouth about nothing of importance? And your damn child is hungry, he's starting to beg for food, why don't you take him home? And no, I don't want to take pictures of you in your church clothes. Good grief!

BGI, out.