TGIF

This week went by pretty quickly. Thank God. Pretty soon, I'll be out of the hell hole also known as my place of employment. Well, its not really that bad; I'm putting extras on it. But I hate that damn place.

I received a job offer today. It wasn't my first choice, but when I really thought about it, the position I was offered would be better for me right now. My first choice was a position at an entertainment public relations agency. But the more I think about it, I'm not really interested in working in entertainment. It sounds really cool on the surface, but for some reason I've just never really been interested in the field. I would only want the benefits of going to the parties and getting free stuff, but I don't want to deal with superficial bullshit everyday. We're bombarded with it by the media. Don't want it to be a part of MY life.

Another thing is that the pr agency only consists of two people. Huge red flag. How come there are no other employees? On the agency's website like 3 or 4 extra people are listed as employees, but they were all let go. A mass exodus of people=not a good sign. Hmmmm. Suspect. Plus, if some shit goes down and I have a grievance, there is no one to go to. There is no human resources department. Not a good look. Another thing that wigs me out about really small companies is that some of them tend to have unstable financial situations going on. For instance, for my very first full time job out of college, I worked at a very small law firm. The partner was also the office manager and human resources. Sometimes he would "forget" to call in payroll when he was supposed to, resulting in me not getting my check when I was supposed to. Again, not a good look.

The company I accepted the job offer for is a direct marketing company whose major client is an insurance company. Sure, the product sucks. Marketing insurance is hardly intriguing. But the people at the company are cool and I'm going to get off early every Friday during summer. I get free lunch if I don't go out, and I get my birthday off. Plus free soda, juice, and bagels every day. I don't know about anyone else, but I am easily won over with the promise of free food. That's money I save on buying lunch.

Sure, I'm going to be thoroughly annoyed with my coworkers at my new job. But, I'll actually be doing stuff, I'm going to be learning about marketing, I'll be making more money, working closer to home, and last but not least I'm not going to be the only black person in the office. At least that makes me feel like I wasn't hired to fulfill a quota, but because I am qualified. I'll try to refrain from berating my coworkers every time they come at me sideways. I'll try to learn to bite my tongue. I can't say I will though. Because if another white person asks me if my hair is real (like black girls can't have naturally long hair), I'm going there. Please believe.

So tonight, its a celebration bitches. Me and my college friends are going to go out, get tore down, and talk shit.

Live life.

Rain, Rain, Go Away

Why does it decide to rain the one day I plan on going to church? Not only is it raining, its also thunderstorms. For Los Angeles County, thats a rarity. Out here it only usually rains between February and April. And it rarely thunders out here. Other than that it's pretty arid.

Surely a little water is not reason enough to miss Sunday worship. But I think I'm going to go ahead and tune in to KJLH and read a few bible scriptures. I don't do rain well at all. Anyone who lives here or who has been out here when its raining knows that its all bad when it starts raining in LA. All of sudden folks forget how to drive and there are car accidents everywhere and dumb ass people get caught in rushes of water.

I remember back in the day when I was in junior high and high school, when it rained, the school campus looked like a ghost town. Rainy days were the days when your mom would let you stay home from school and you wouldn't even have to play sick.

But when you are an adult and you have to go to work, its not that easy to play hooky. But you better believe its going to take your ass two extra hours to get to work due to traffic. Its a big headache. I hope it rains tomorrow so I can call off work again. Or at least not have to go in until noon. I'm gonna pray about that one.

Ups and Downs

"...sometimes you gotta take the good with the bad. You gotta do bad in order to do good."

-Snoop, "Ups & Downs"

Rhythm & Gangsta

This quote was the only one that could capture how I feel right now. Its funny how shit can be completely fucked up for what seems like eons, and then something comes along and completely changes the game. I usually try to stay optimistic through the rough patches, but its sooo hard sometimes. I've been known to go through bouts of depression that last for weeks. I've been seriously thinking about seeking therapy, but I'm going to wait until I start making a little more money before I start blowing it on such luxuries.

But I'm not depressed this week. I haven't been optimistic either. I'm sort of going in neutral right now. My highlight of the week is that I have two interviews this week, one at a direct marketing company, and another at an entertainment pr agency. Guess which one I want?

I just feel blessed that the opportunities I am pursuing are bearing fruit. In the past, I held myself back a lot from pursuing my true interests based on what my parents thought I should do. If it were left up to my mom, I would be a nurse or a government employee. Bleeccchhh. How boring. Can you imagine me a nurse? Working with icky people with all sorts of random ailments? I already have issues with people touching me and vice versa, so I don't think that would work too well. Plus those uniforms are so unflattering. And the shoes? Don't get me started.

Not to place blame, because I am the one who controls my destiny, but my mother had a lot to do with why I never pursued many of my goals. When I was younger, I fed into the idea that "I can't," or "Thats a fairy tale." And I just didn't try a lot of things that I wanted to do. As I got older, I realized that I have to start somewhere, and I don't know what I can or cannot do if I don't at least try. Even if I fail, at least I know what it was like and I won't have any regrets.

And you know what? I learned that I am capable of a lot of things. Once I became confident within myself and in my abilities, I became unstoppable. Sometimes I feel like I can take on the world. Not to say I will, because I don't really want to. I don't want it all, just a big chunk of it.

It took a long time to get where I am, and I still have a ways to go. But the remainder of the path that I take will be on my terms. Not that of my mother, grandmother, or any man. This is MY life. I gotta live it.

Aw Hell Naw

Yesterday, I was feeling all conflicted about leaving my job. I do not feel that way anymore. If I needed another reason to leave that hell hole, I was provided with another one today.

Let me give a little background to the situation. Our firm is working on a huge case that is at trial right now in Orange County. The trial is expected to last for the next 6-8 weeks. Several attorneys, paralegals, and secretaries are staying at a hotel in OC to be near the court, because it wouldn't be feasible to travel from Century City to Santa Ana everyday for the next 2 months. They set up a satellite office at the hotel and everything. So apparently, today the big guy (numero uno partner of the entire firm) called the office and said they needed some chairs for the satellite office, for whatever reason. I suppose the ones at the hotel aren't good enough and they had to take some from our office. So the elitist office manager gathers chairs from various areas around the office. By the way, we have pretty good chairs there. They are the hydraulic office chairs with adjustable armrests. Tight.

Anyway, she's getting all these chairs together. Yeah, ok. Thats cool, whatever. Until the bitch had the audacity to ask me can she have my chair because the big guy wanted it! I was like, "He wants my chair? I'm sitting in it." She's like, "Yeah, he wants it, so we're having it taken over." Let me give a little more background. In that office, there is a clear hierarchy. The attorneys and partners get whatever they want every single time. She expects us to wait on them hand and foot and cater to whatever needs or requests they have. We are also expected to kiss their asses. To sum it up, office staff= peons.

So, I was like whatever okay, here you go. I give up my chair, and she asks me to use the one near the typewriter. That chair is old ass hell. Its been near that typewriter for the past 20 years. It has ugly ass upholstery and it feels like carpet. This whole thing would not have been an issue but for the fact that the big guy has his own office within the LA office. Right now, a summer associate is using his office. He just got here on Monday. So basically, the summer associate, who was out to lunch and thus not using his chair at the time, gets to keep the big guy's chair but I, the lowly admin, have to give my shit up. The bitch's excuse was, "I can't take his (the summer associate) chair because he is using it." Hellloooo! I'm sitting in my shit and I get uprooted? What the fuck? He ain't gon even be here after mid-August, and he gets to keep his chair, but I'm a permanent employee (who is probably going to be gone before then, but I digress) and you boot me out of my shit, and I have to take the raggedy-ass 1985 chair? Damn.

My anger toward this incident may seem unwarranted or petty. But to me, this signifies much more than taking my chair and giving to someone else. It is indicative of a much larger issue. My office manager takes calculated steps to ensure that there is a class division in our office. And I feel like it makes for an unproductive work environment. Who wants to work at a place where they are treated like a second class citizen?

Reason # 37 why I'm raising up out of that piece.

Decisions, Decisions

I'm feeling rather ambivalent toward my work situation. I still hate my job. I've grown to despise my boss. But I love my coworkers, and I have excellent benefits. What's a girl to do?

I have been actively looking for another job. I've been searching for something in marketing and event planning. I have a couple of leads, and now I'm confronted with the reality that I may find the perfect job. I should be ecstatic. But I feel torn.

Everyone says, "Well, wherever you go, whatever job you take, there is going to be bullshit." True. I left my last job because I got sick of dealing with a wishy washy boss, psycho coworkers, and too little pay for too much work. I thought it would be cool on the new job, but now I deal with a bitchy, elitist boss, gossipy coworkers, and little to no job responsibility.

Honestly, I would be more apt to deal with the bullshit if I was in a career I loved. But to deal with so much bull in a place where I can't really see myself is not the business.

My overall happiness and opportunities for growth are much more important to me than medical, dental, and a 401 (k). I already know that that is my mother's voice speaking to me, saying "Child, you better get a good job with benefits and keep it." To her, stability is much more important than having a fulfilling career. I agree that stability is important, but its not everything. I want it all. I want the job I love with the phat ass benefits. Truth be told, I can still have the job I love and pay for my own damn benefits. This is the 21st century. We got options.

There are two types of people in the world of work. There are worker bees, and there are people who want careers. I just figured out which one I was. I need to be doing something I actually like from 9 to 5. I'll be damned if I spend 40+ hours a week for the next 20 years doing something I can't stand.