Ups and Downs

"...sometimes you gotta take the good with the bad. You gotta do bad in order to do good."

-Snoop, "Ups & Downs"

Rhythm & Gangsta

This quote was the only one that could capture how I feel right now. Its funny how shit can be completely fucked up for what seems like eons, and then something comes along and completely changes the game. I usually try to stay optimistic through the rough patches, but its sooo hard sometimes. I've been known to go through bouts of depression that last for weeks. I've been seriously thinking about seeking therapy, but I'm going to wait until I start making a little more money before I start blowing it on such luxuries.

But I'm not depressed this week. I haven't been optimistic either. I'm sort of going in neutral right now. My highlight of the week is that I have two interviews this week, one at a direct marketing company, and another at an entertainment pr agency. Guess which one I want?

I just feel blessed that the opportunities I am pursuing are bearing fruit. In the past, I held myself back a lot from pursuing my true interests based on what my parents thought I should do. If it were left up to my mom, I would be a nurse or a government employee. Bleeccchhh. How boring. Can you imagine me a nurse? Working with icky people with all sorts of random ailments? I already have issues with people touching me and vice versa, so I don't think that would work too well. Plus those uniforms are so unflattering. And the shoes? Don't get me started.

Not to place blame, because I am the one who controls my destiny, but my mother had a lot to do with why I never pursued many of my goals. When I was younger, I fed into the idea that "I can't," or "Thats a fairy tale." And I just didn't try a lot of things that I wanted to do. As I got older, I realized that I have to start somewhere, and I don't know what I can or cannot do if I don't at least try. Even if I fail, at least I know what it was like and I won't have any regrets.

And you know what? I learned that I am capable of a lot of things. Once I became confident within myself and in my abilities, I became unstoppable. Sometimes I feel like I can take on the world. Not to say I will, because I don't really want to. I don't want it all, just a big chunk of it.

It took a long time to get where I am, and I still have a ways to go. But the remainder of the path that I take will be on my terms. Not that of my mother, grandmother, or any man. This is MY life. I gotta live it.