Shock & Awe

Last Saturday night started off just like any other Saturday night where me and my girls were going out. We rolled up to Pearl to celebrate my birthday, looking fly I might add, ready to have a good time. So we're standing in line waiting to get in the club, when my best friend said, "Hey, isn't that [the pseudo]?" I turned and looked. "Yeah, that's him. What is he doing at Pearl? He's like 35! This crowd is way too young for him." People that go to Pearl are usually 21-29. Typically not the spot for the 30 & up. Although I was surprised to see him at Pearl, I wasn't surprised to see him out, because I know he likes to go out a lot. I started to try to catch his attention until I spotted him HOLDING HANDS WITH ANOTHER CHICK. What. The. Fuck?!

Me and my girl saw this at the same time, and we were both like, "OMG! Are they holding hands?" Imagine my shock seeing the man I thought I was dating exclusively for the past 6 1/2 months booed up with a tackhead. Yes, she was busted. She had on a pink satin dress that did nothing for her flabby, nearly middle-aged figure, and she had a busted-ass blonde weave. Just terrible! I think the tackhead was his former wife (or current, who the fuck knows? He told me they divorced but he probably lied) because she looked like the woman I had seen in pictures at his house. My gut just told me that was her. And I mean they were holding hands with the fingers intertwined, like lovers do. I wanted to go over there and say, "Hey, whats up?" So I could bust him out, but you know how it is at the club, especially in LA. You get out of line, you will catch hell from everyone in line and the bouncers if you try to get your spot back. I said, "Fuck that, I'm not about to lose my place in line over this nigga. I'll catch up with his ass later." So when we get inside the club, I looked around for him but I didn't find him. Damn! I was drunk and ready to act an ass! So I sent the bitch a text message which read: "So its like that huh? It's cool." He didn't respond until early the next morning, when he texted (is that a word? Well if it ain't it is today): "No, what do you mean?" In my head I'm thinking, this muthafucka thinks I'm stupid! [Side note: I only use the word "muthafucka" when I am very angry.] I replied, "I saw you holding hands with some chick." Do you think this bitch ass nigga responded to my text? Of course not. He didn't respond, nor did he call, nor did he even have the decency to wish me a happy birthday.

The cold thing about it is that although he played me, I didn't want to be with him anyway, so he made things easier for me. I was planning on cutting him off VERY soon because I felt like the situation wasn't going anywhere. Although I struggled with the choice, I knew in my heart that nothing serious could ever happen between us. He had issues with his former wife (hell, maybe current, who knows because the muthafucka is a liar). He traveled to Toronto once a month to visit her and their children, which although I understood him going to see his children, was not fully okay with me. I didn't want to have to deal with that. I wanted someone who was going to prioritize me, and he just couldn't provide that for me. Overall I just knew he wasn't someone I wanted to be with. I truly believe that things happened according to destiny, and I feel relieved. I no longer have to deal with a 35-year-old-boy-with-a-receding-hairline-and-wears-hats-every-single-day-to-hide-it who has issues with women. I no longer have to deal with a type A, high strung bastard who criticized me for being myself because he was jealous that he didn't have the capability to do the same and who thought he was too fucking good to eat at a chain restaurant. A fucking poser who was so out of touch with himself and everything around him that he didn't know fantasy from reality (he worked in the entertainment business). Someone who is a pretentious asshole and deserves whatever milestones life throws at his bitch ass.

I'm angry, but I'm happy. God removed that excess waste from my life in order to make room for someone good. I'm very thankful that God showed me that he was a waste of time and space in my life. And its not like I didn't have a plan B. C'mon now. The pseudo was a fake boyfriend, not a real one. I was totally dating other people, and thoroughly enjoying it. I wasn't about to waste my time with one man who I was SURE I didn't want to be with. My plan B is hotter, more buff, sexier, has a HUGE dick, he's a champion pussy eater, and he gives me multiple orgasms. [Side Note #2: I wasn't doing plan B at the same time as the pseudo. I'm bad, but not that bad. I haven't been intimate with the pseudo for the past month and I started being intimate with plan B a week and a half ago.]

So it's all good. Everything worked out how it was supposed to.