Mental Wanderlusting

I'm happier when I'm busy. Is that weird? I feel like I need to be doing something most of the time, or I feel like I'm worthless. Since I'm not working, I get bored as hell. And being bored makes me stir crazy.

I'm really ready to go back to work. In the interim, I'm continually finding things to keep me occupied outside of my job search. I'm focusing on freelance writing and helping a friend with an online marketing project. It's pretty educational, so not only am I banishing the boredom, I'm learning too. It may put $$ in my wallet, and it's a resume booster. Shit yea!

I ditched the unpaid internship and the classes too. I can't afford the DJ hobby right now. I don't have the energy for it, I need to focus on getting this career back up and running.

I have lots of free time to be creative and let my mind wander. And to catch up on television! I absolutely heart Wendy Williams. She better make it past the six-week sneak peek. She's the best thing on broadcast television and I don't care what nobody say 'bout it! And right now I will admit that I am a total reality television addict. I will watch nearly any reality show on Bravo and VH-1. It's terrible but who doesn't like to watch people make asses of themselves? And it's scripted real life?

I also have a lot of time to talk to God. This is a time to stay prayed up, no doubt. Despite my circumstances right now I am a very blessed individual.

I feel like this post has come full circle, now I must go. Peace.

bgi

Still On It

I'm trying to get back to blogging regularly since I got my computer back. I lost my momentum for awhile, so please bear with me as I get back in the swing of blogging.

Things have been a little crazy lately. I'm still unemployed, going on three months. During this time I freelanced for a few weeks, and interned at the DJ school. The internship is not going so well, mainly because I'm a grown ass woman with financial responsibilities, and I can't afford to be working for free no matter how "educational" the experience is. Sure, it's fun to be in the mix and be around music all day, but I need to get paid. So I've returned my focus to seeking full time work.

The good thing about being out of work for so long and trying on different hats is that I have a better sense of what I want out of a job. I learned that I don't just want a job, I want a career. I need to work in a creative environment. I still have a great love for marketing. In the past I've been quick to move on, preventing myself from exploring the opportunities available in my current field. I'm learning to not be so haste. It's up to me to breathe life into my career if I feel things are stagnant.

I'm doing my best to be optimistic during this period in my life. It's very difficult, but I refuse to let myself get down about things. If I'm doing my part, God will take care of the rest.

Peace,

BGI

Where You At?

I took an impromptu hiatus, but I'm still here! I should really be blogging more often, because I've been having lots of interesting and random experiences as of late. Thanks Southern Lady for giving me the nudge. I've been real busy. Interning at the DJ school, picking up freelance work where I can, starting an event planning business...I'm all over the place.

It's fun though. I decided to try my hand at entreprenuership and see where it goes. If you've read this blog for any amount of time I'm sure you've gathered that I don't do well in corporate environments, I need the freedom to be me and do what I want. If I'm working on a freelance or per project basis I can do that. Full-time job? No way. There's no stability in entreprenuership, but where is there stability? I know from my last job that job security is just a myth so I gotta make my own way.

The pseudo hooked me up with some freelance stuff at BET, so ya girl is making that TV money. I know it's BET, but a check is a check.

Speaking of the pseudo, we're still going strong. This relationship is definitely a journey. It's kind of weird working together with him as my boss but it's all good. It will make for some good role play later on.

That's all I got for now, I'll holla at ya.

BGI

GO LAKERS!!!!

power to the people

Yesterday, as I swooped by 7-Eleven in Inglewood to grab some casings for my trees, there were two young ladies posted near the entrance distributing publications to passers-by. "Power to the people!" they exclaimed with pride, to anyone within earshot.

As I made my way from my car to the entrance, one of them said to me, "Sister don't forget to stop by on your way out and pick up some literature." Ok, I said.

I went inside, did my business and came back out. Went over to homegirl and got the literature from her. "Thank you and stay beautiful my sister," she said to me, and gave me the fist. I smiled, got in my car and pulled off.

The literature she gave me was a periodical of some sort for the Black Riders Liberation Party. They refer to themselves as the "new generation of Black Panthers"and their goal is to serve and protect the black community from "racist oppressors" by "whatever means necessary."

My encounter with the two sisters from the Black Riders opened my mind way up. Sometimes I see Black Riders around South LA, usually at major intersections marching and chanting "Black Power! Power to the People!" to motorists and pedestrians. They're out there with the rest of the neighborhood hustlers who sell t-shirts, fruit, mixtapes, Victoria's Secret body products (yes, there are folks on Slauson & Crenshaw selling Victoria's Secret lotion). But I would always take a look and keep going. I had never taken the time to hear them out and see what they were about.

I took the time out to peruse the periodical, and there was much talk of policing the police, armed self-defense, and intercommunalism. It was very revolutionary; it was fascinating. I can't say I agree with all of their beliefs and tactics, but I can relate to the love of black people. I love my people but the Black Riders are down for the cause.

Definitely a mind-opening encounter. It was one of those situations where the stuff you learned in school became relevant. Black revolutionaries are both glorified and demonized in history, and rightfully so. There are a lot of good intentions that are not always executed well. But if the goal is to educate someone, that's what happened to me. A lesson learned on the way to 7-Eleven to pick up a couple of swishers.

stay beautiful my peeps (no color lines)

bgi

stir crazy, and other things

I think I'm going stir crazy. Seriously. I'm not the type of person who can sit in the house all day doing nothing. Not working is driving me insane. I'm so used to being busy and overwhelmed and it's shocking to all of a sudden be in a place where it's the exact opposite. I'm bored as hell. And when I'm bored, I get myself in a lot of trouble.

To be totally honest, I'm looking for work but I'm being very picky. I want my next job to be something that I enjoy and that's going to help propel me forward in my career. I want to continue my career in online advertising, become an expert, and eventually branch out on my own. Sure I could take any old office job, or go work at Coffee Bean or Target. But I would be unhappy, bitter, jaded, disgruntled, overqualified.

Actually, Coffee Bean wouldn't be that bad until the next gig comes along. They have the best coffee ever. I think the company offers benefits to part time and full time employees too. I'll give it another month, and if I don't find something, then "Welcome to Coffee Bean, how may I help you?"

My family is pressuring me to get a civil service job. "The economy is so bad," they say. "Get a government job, it's stable." Right. Me? Work for the gov't? Hmmmm no thanks. I don't knock anyone who chooses that path but it's not one for me. For me that would be settling into something that I don't really want to do. And I don't believe in settling.

Right now my creativity is at an all time high. Without the stress of that hellish job, I have the mental headspace to brainstorm and figure out what it is I truly want in a job and in my career. I figured out that I want a career and not just a job. I need to stop flip flopping and stick with one thing at a time. Give myself time to explore avenues before moving on to the next so quickly. And that I need to take more risks. There have been times when I let fear hold me back from taking risks, and not taking risks makes you lose out on opportunities. It's smart to be cautious, but not too cautious.

So what's up next for BGI?

1. Interning at my DJ school. It's unpaid, but at least it will keep me busy and allow me to develop my skill set. I want to focus on online advertising for the school. I want to be an expert. This can possibly turn into a job.

2. Freelance online advertising. Since I don't have a job yet, I have to find projects where I can.

3. Stripping. Just kidding! I wish I had the audacity to do it. I'm serious. They get paid good money. Fuck me for having dignity. But if I get desperate enough I may do it.

4. Taking another DJ class. This is another source of potential income, and it's so much fun. I love it.

5. Freelance writing. It's my passion.

6. Continued partying and ass shaking. It's my specialty.

Somehow, some way I'll make the best of my sabbatical. I don't consider myself unemployed, just taking an unexpected break from work. It's bad, but it's all good. I refuse to let this situation bring me down and fuck with my optimism.

Peace,

soul sista bgi

vacation mode

Since my return from Miami, I've remained in vacation mode. It's hard to come back to real life after days of chilling poolside with a cocktail, hanging out on the beach, soaking up the tropical sun...I want to go back!

Miami was a good trip. It wasn't a party trip like the first time I went. At least not for me. Everyone else out there on Memorial Day weekend was getting their mad party on. I had a ball simply watching the debauchery take place. Miami is definitely a place where hedonism rules. Whatever your indulgence, it's there for you on a sexy platter.

The pseudo and I were just chilling. It was a two person party all weekend. We ate, drank, smoked, chilled by the pool, kicked it on the beach, people watched. Very fun and relaxing. It was just what we both needed. Me because I needed a vacation in light of the layoff, and him because he works too damn much and doesn't make time to relax.

I returned to LA on Saturday, and I've been going out a lot since then. This week I went out 3 out of 5 days. I've been partying way more than usual. Part of it is because my BFF's birthday was this week, but I think on some level I'm celebrating for me too. I have lots to celebrate. I've been liberated from the plantation. My creativity is high. I'm at a place where I can do whatever I want, and that excites me. I can do what I want and not have to take a job simply because I need work. It's a good feeling, I feel energized and ready for the challenge.

I have lots of free time now, which is a good and bad thing. It gives me a lot of time to think. About where I am, where I want to be, and how the hell I'm going to get there. I feel like I need to find a career and stick with it. I keep wanting to try different things but I feel like it's getting in the way of me finding what it is I really want to do. That sounds weird doesn't it? Ideally it's great to try out different things before deciding on one path. But I feel like I change careers so quickly that I don't give myself time to see if I really like it. I don't give myself the chance to see where it can go, what avenues are available within a field or industry.

I know for a fact I want to work in communications. I want to teach too, but that's something that's always going to be available to me. I can always do that later. I want to see where a career in advertising can take me. I did the online advertising thing, I want to do media planning next. See, I can try different things within my industry without doing a total career change. I'm learning!

I'm at a very optimistic place right now and I feel so blessed for it. I was at a bad place for a long time and I'm glad the pendulum has shifted. Thank you Lord. Thank you for blogging as therapy.

Peace,

bgi