The Dreaded Talk

When dating, when does it become time to have the talk? At what point do you and the person you have been seeing sit down and have a candid conversation about where things are going between you?

I have been dating the pseudo for over 6 months now. However, neither one of us has initiated "the talk." We have alluded to it, hinted at it, and made reference to it, but we haven't had it yet. Although we deeply care for one another and enjoy spending time together, we both have loads of baggage (he more than I) that needs to be dealt with before we can think about having a relationship with one another. In case any of my four readers ever wondered why I refer to the pseudo as such, well, our situation has all the trappings of a relationship but we are not actually in one. Neither one of us is seeing other people, we spend lots of quality time together, we have been there for each other in hard times, and we are each others' biggest supporters. I even have a garage door opener to his place, a parking space, toothbrush, toiletries, and a robe at his house. Despite all this, we are both very hesitant to make it official.

Honestly, although I care for him, I enjoy my freedom. I enjoy not having to answer to him. He doesn't place any pressure on me about anything. He gives me the freedom to love him on my own terms, not by his. By not focusing on naming our situation I have been able to have my own space to grow and have my own life. I have been able to appreciate him much more than I would had we insisted on slapping a title on our situation.

Its not as if we have never had a conversation about what we wanted from each other or where things may go. We have had several conversations about that. We just haven't declared whether we are going to be in a relationship or not.

This has been a perfect situation for a commitment-phobe such as myself. It has given me space and time to narrow in on what I want for myself and in a man. Sometimes the idea of a relationship scares me. I begin to think, "what if I invest so much of myself only to be hurt?" or "what if there is someone else out there for me?" I suppose a part of me will always wonder. I guess the measuring stick is when that feeling of wonder nags at me so much that I have to act on that feeling. And of course that feeling has to be coupled with something concrete. I am a true believer that God will show you if you are doing the right thing. You just have to heed when he gives you the sign.

So we have scheduled the talk for when he comes back from New York in a week and a half. That gives me enough time to go back and forth with myself about the situation.