thinking in circles

My mind is all over the place, so bear with me.

In my journey, I'm beginning to see that things don't always turn out how we expect them to. Specifically: priorities shift, things change. It's the ebb and flow of life.

It seems like I'm always changing. I'm ADD-ish, so I'm forever finding new interests. One day I'm totally interested in something, the next day I've moved on to something else. Hey, I just like to sample the smörgåsbord of life.

Like work. I was really big on having a marketing career, but after working in the field for a couple of years, I decided I don't really like it and I want to move on. I got a crash course in print and internet marketing, and guess what? I hate it. Time for the next career.

Currently I'm faced with an unstable work situation. Rumors are going around that my department may be phased out within the next 3-6 months, which would leave me jobless. Which is bad, but good because I'm gearing up for a career change. I hate my damn job anyway; the best thing they could do is close up shop and give me a cool severance package.

Admittedly, I'm a little apprehensive. I've gotten used to the stability that comes with the humdrum of working for someone else. When I leave I'm faced with the possibility of no benefits, no 401k, no biweekly paycheck. I'm scurred. Stockholm Syndrome.

I know won't be destitute. In a couple of weeks I'll begin tutoring kids in English, so that will provide some income. I'm looking for teacher assistant jobs, so I can supplement the tutor income with my TA earnings. Who knows, this fall one of the local school districts may throw me to the wolves, and pay me full salary and benefits while allowing me to earn my teaching credential. Never know.

Please pray for ya girl that I don't get sick, require major surgery, or suffer a major injury. I may be without benefits for a few months. Thank God I have another 6 months on my birth control pills.

Relationships - still trying to figure things out with the pseudo. I'm trying to determine whether my needs are being fulfilled. Sometimes I feel like they are, other times I don't. Hence the confusion.

I try not to spend too much time worrying about it. There's no reason to worry, I'm way too fly for that. My life is fulfilling outside of having a man.

I wish I wasn't a worrier. But I'm a Virgo. I ruminate.

I sound like a crazy woman, but it's how I feel. I own my feelings.

Stay fly.