soul searching sista

I've been doing quite a bit of soul searching lately. I'm trying to find my way and figure out how to have the most fulfilling life I possibly can. The #1 area I'm trying to figure out right now is my career.

I've gone through several different career changes and I'm only 25. I went to law school for a year, got suspended, got a job in the legal field, found that I hated it, and never went back. Clearly, I did things in reverse order there. I do things backwards sometimes, it's how I learn. I moved on to a career in marketing, where I'm finding that although there are some aspects of marketing that I like, I hate working in a corporate environment. I've been on several job interviews for public relations firms, event planning companies, and news wire services. You name the field, and I probably either had a job in it, internship, or interviewed for a position. There is a common denominator in all those fields - they all involve writing and communications. Whatever I do, I need to be doing that.

I'm finding that corporate America isn't for me. I'm too laid back and I don't have that sense urgency and super-competitiveness associated with the game. I'm not one of those overly aggressive people with a sense of drive that compels them to do whatever it takes to close the deal. I value things other than making money for a company and being somebody's office bitch.

What do I value? Knowledge. Literature. History and it's preservation. Literature is my first love. I love reading and writing. I love learning and expanding my knowledge. The pseudo affectionately refers to me as a ghetto hippie intellectual, because I enjoy going to the theater and museums exhibits, all while bumping Dogg Pound in the ride and rolling up a fat one. I rock black rimmed glasses and a nose ring. In an ideal world I would eat organic food, go green, and write all day while wearing flip flops and my favorite pair of jeans. I grew up in the LBC, I'm a beach girl. It's in me.

During a conversation a few evenings ago, I mentioned to the pseudo in passing that I always secretly wanted to be an English professor. He paused, looked me dead in the eye and said, "out of all the things you've ever said you wanted to do, that sounds the most 'you.' That's so your element." I look at him blankly for a second, and then I had a lightbulb moment. Right then it dawned on me that I should be an educator.

Duh, right? Why I hadn't considered it before, I don't know. When people find out I have an English degree, they always ask, "do you plan on teaching?" And the answer was always, "no." I think I needed to try different areas before I decided a path. I needed to satisfy my natural curiosity by experiencing different careers for myself. That way I can say I at least tried it firsthand.

Being an educator would give me the freedom to do my own thing. Aside from being a rewarding career, the hours are flexible, and I would get summer and winter breaks. Who couldn't use a summer vacation? The pay is cool too. I would be helping people learn while having room in my life to cultivate my own interests. So far its looking like:

Education=10, Corporate America=0

I prayed for guidance and direction and to find my purpose in life, and like God tends to do sometimes, he put it right in my face when I least expected it. If anyone ever doubts the power of prayer they are sorely misinformed.

In the words of one of the founding fathers of hip hop: thank you, god bless, and good night.

bgi