loss of motivation

I know this is bad, but I've become very, very unmotivated when it comes to my job. I've reached the point where I hate it and I dread getting up to go to work everyday. If they let me go I would be happy, because then I would be eligible for unemployment.

Today was a breaking point for me. I saw an invoice for a consultant the company employs, who is working on a project that consists of the same exact thing I do every single day. Except, this consultant doesn't even really work in advertising, her real "job" is an actress. She just helps out on a few projects on an as needed basis. The invoice showed that she is paid $25 bucks an hour to do what I showed her how to do. My pay comes out to about $15-$16 an hour. That was like a slap in the face to me.

Don't think I haven't brought the issue of a raise up to my boss. Her reply is that the 5% percent that I received at my annual review was the max I could receive, and the company is going through a big reorganization and they aren't giving out pay increases. So she can get the company to pay this fake ass actress to do my job on a freelance basis, but they can't pay me more to do it every day.

This is exactly why I sit on my ass and run my mouth on the phone with my friends on company time. This is why I chat on IM and email all day, and print hundreds of pages per day on the company printer. This is why I take 3 unauthorized 20 minute breaks every day, in addition to my lunch. This is why I jack blank cds from the supply room so I can come home and burn cds. This is why I don't have a sense of urgency to do my job, because these bitches don't pay me what I'm worth. They would rather pay someone else to do my job than to pay me more. They deserve every iota of abuse of company resources that they get, from me and everyone else who works there.

I used to give 110%. I used to go above and beyond, stay late, work from home, and do whatever I had to do to finish projects. Now, I simply don't give a fuck. Now I spend the majority of my days working on getting my teaching career going while reading the NY & LA Times. I do the bare minimum that's required of me, but that's it.

I hate to think that it's a race thing, but I can't help but suspect that based on how I'm treated versus how others are treated. Things are made easier for the beckies, while it seems like things are made more difficult for me. Becky can call in late every day and take hour and a half lunches, but if I take a break to use my cell phone for more than 15 minutes it's an issue. The company pays Becky's car note, while I can't even get paid what I'm worth. Yes, my job is paying one of my coworker's car note. That screams suspect to me.

It's very disappointing because it seems like no matter how hard you work, no matter how good you are at your job, it doesn't matter in Corporate America. All that matters is whether they like you, and if you kiss ass, you're good. BGI's mama didn't raise her to kiss people's ass. She raised to her be respectful and polite, but brown nosing is a no-no.

I could see if I didn't perform well, but I'm one of the best employees at my job. I get compliments all the time from my colleagues and vendors. My boss, the ungrateful whore that she is, is the only one who doesn't appreciate my efforts. I can't wait for the day that I hand in my resignation, and see the look on her face when she realizes that I won't be there to run reports, handle accounts, troubleshoot, follow up, or handle any of the day to day aspects of the company's internet ad campaigns. That shit is going to fall apart when I leave, and I'm going to be laughing when that shit crumbles.

End rant.

BGI