thinking in circles

My mind is all over the place, so bear with me.

In my journey, I'm beginning to see that things don't always turn out how we expect them to. Specifically: priorities shift, things change. It's the ebb and flow of life.

It seems like I'm always changing. I'm ADD-ish, so I'm forever finding new interests. One day I'm totally interested in something, the next day I've moved on to something else. Hey, I just like to sample the smörgåsbord of life.

Like work. I was really big on having a marketing career, but after working in the field for a couple of years, I decided I don't really like it and I want to move on. I got a crash course in print and internet marketing, and guess what? I hate it. Time for the next career.

Currently I'm faced with an unstable work situation. Rumors are going around that my department may be phased out within the next 3-6 months, which would leave me jobless. Which is bad, but good because I'm gearing up for a career change. I hate my damn job anyway; the best thing they could do is close up shop and give me a cool severance package.

Admittedly, I'm a little apprehensive. I've gotten used to the stability that comes with the humdrum of working for someone else. When I leave I'm faced with the possibility of no benefits, no 401k, no biweekly paycheck. I'm scurred. Stockholm Syndrome.

I know won't be destitute. In a couple of weeks I'll begin tutoring kids in English, so that will provide some income. I'm looking for teacher assistant jobs, so I can supplement the tutor income with my TA earnings. Who knows, this fall one of the local school districts may throw me to the wolves, and pay me full salary and benefits while allowing me to earn my teaching credential. Never know.

Please pray for ya girl that I don't get sick, require major surgery, or suffer a major injury. I may be without benefits for a few months. Thank God I have another 6 months on my birth control pills.

Relationships - still trying to figure things out with the pseudo. I'm trying to determine whether my needs are being fulfilled. Sometimes I feel like they are, other times I don't. Hence the confusion.

I try not to spend too much time worrying about it. There's no reason to worry, I'm way too fly for that. My life is fulfilling outside of having a man.

I wish I wasn't a worrier. But I'm a Virgo. I ruminate.

I sound like a crazy woman, but it's how I feel. I own my feelings.

Stay fly.

this dj

When I was growing up, I used to make tapes off the radio. This is back in the day when Theo used to be on 92.3 the beat, in the early 90s. I recorded damn near everything that came on. Old school jams like Teddy Pendergrass, anything by Parliament, Funkadelic, Zapp & Roger. Back then new hip hop was Ice Cube (on the solo tip w/o NWA), Snoop of course, Warren G, E-40. I was a west coast diva as an adolescent, lol. I was much more into West Coast hip hop back then. R&B was Guy, Hi Five, 702, SWV. If it came on the radio and I liked the sound it was going on to little BGI's mixtapes. I amassed a huge collection of tapes off the radio until about 94, when my parents let me buy CDs on my own. Even after that I still made tapes because I liked to make my own mixes. Nowadays I make my own playlists from music I download off the 'net. I have this thing about putting together my own playlists and mix cds.

Ever since I was that little girl making mix tapes off the radio I wanted to be a DJ. Even though I didn't pursue it outside of making my own mixes, the desire never left. Today, I'm satisfying this desire by taking DJ classes this spring.

I went to the open house for this DJ school in West LA, and I got on the turntables for the first time. I felt so at home. In the free practice class I learned a bit about the history of DJing, and I learned how to cue a record. And, I won a free semester at the DJ school! I feel so lucky. I feel like I'm a step closer to pursuing my passion. I'm ready to drop some cash on a pair of turntables and a mixer and scratch and mix to my heart's desire. I feel really blessed to have the opportunity to take DJ classes, because it's not something that's traditionally taught in a class setting. It's more of an underground thing.

I have a few ideas for a DJ name. So far I got DJ Lady Verb. It's fitting with the whole English teacher thing right? Also up for consideration is DJ Spin-Nice, and DJ Virgo. If you have any suggestions for a cool DJ name, hit me up and let me know.

Da mixmaster,

BGI