The pseudo, revisited

Me and the former pseudo are kind of back on. I know, I know, no throwbacking. I don't have an excuse, other than the fact that we started hanging out again and eventually we started dating again.

In all honesty, I still care about him. I never stopped. That's why I was so pissed when shit went down. That's why I stopped speaking to him for awhile, because I wanted to torture him with silence. I tried to push him away. But he wouldn't go away, and I really didn't want him to. I forgave him, became friends with him again, and now we're dating again.

I don't know what's going to happen this time. I want to be optimistic and hope that things won't turn out fucked up. But in the back of my mind I always remember what happened before and how things went south. For the most part I don't focus on either; I just enjoy the time we spend together.

There's no guarantee that things will work. The same holds true for the opposite. We've addressed the issue that led to us falling out, I guess it's squashed.

On an unrelated but sort of related note, I feel like although we had our drama, our situation was good for the most part. I haven't had anything like that since. He sort of set the bar, and I haven't encountered anyone who could meet or exceed that.

I forgave, but I'll never forget. The memories of what happened before is what keeps me from falling too much. It's a struggle, because I want to, but I feel like I can't. So I have to keep a lid on it for now.

Until next time...peace.