vacation mode

Since my return from Miami, I've remained in vacation mode. It's hard to come back to real life after days of chilling poolside with a cocktail, hanging out on the beach, soaking up the tropical sun...I want to go back!

Miami was a good trip. It wasn't a party trip like the first time I went. At least not for me. Everyone else out there on Memorial Day weekend was getting their mad party on. I had a ball simply watching the debauchery take place. Miami is definitely a place where hedonism rules. Whatever your indulgence, it's there for you on a sexy platter.

The pseudo and I were just chilling. It was a two person party all weekend. We ate, drank, smoked, chilled by the pool, kicked it on the beach, people watched. Very fun and relaxing. It was just what we both needed. Me because I needed a vacation in light of the layoff, and him because he works too damn much and doesn't make time to relax.

I returned to LA on Saturday, and I've been going out a lot since then. This week I went out 3 out of 5 days. I've been partying way more than usual. Part of it is because my BFF's birthday was this week, but I think on some level I'm celebrating for me too. I have lots to celebrate. I've been liberated from the plantation. My creativity is high. I'm at a place where I can do whatever I want, and that excites me. I can do what I want and not have to take a job simply because I need work. It's a good feeling, I feel energized and ready for the challenge.

I have lots of free time now, which is a good and bad thing. It gives me a lot of time to think. About where I am, where I want to be, and how the hell I'm going to get there. I feel like I need to find a career and stick with it. I keep wanting to try different things but I feel like it's getting in the way of me finding what it is I really want to do. That sounds weird doesn't it? Ideally it's great to try out different things before deciding on one path. But I feel like I change careers so quickly that I don't give myself time to see if I really like it. I don't give myself the chance to see where it can go, what avenues are available within a field or industry.

I know for a fact I want to work in communications. I want to teach too, but that's something that's always going to be available to me. I can always do that later. I want to see where a career in advertising can take me. I did the online advertising thing, I want to do media planning next. See, I can try different things within my industry without doing a total career change. I'm learning!

I'm at a very optimistic place right now and I feel so blessed for it. I was at a bad place for a long time and I'm glad the pendulum has shifted. Thank you Lord. Thank you for blogging as therapy.

Peace,

bgi

crazy ish, son

This has been the craziest week of my life. Let me tell you why.

Monday, I was laid off from the job I hate. Can I testify? Thank you Jesus! I couldn't stand that damn place; laying me off was the best thing they could have done for me. That place was sucking me dry and stifling my creativity. Can't nobody tell me that prayer doesn't change things because I was surely praying to get out of that piece. The best part about it is that I was laid off with three months' severance pay. What!

Tomorrow the pseudo and I are going to Miami on vacation. On Memorial Day weekend nonetheless. It's going to be pure niggery and debauchery, I'm so excited! (That was sarcasm in case you didn't catch it.) But seriously, I'm very excited to get away and spend some quality time with him. He's been on the road and working a lot so I'm happy that we will have a couple of days to reconnect. Viva la pseudo! He's so gonna get it when we get down there. :-D

I feel like the happiest person with no job. I have free time to rest, reflect, and map out my next move. I get to make it on time for happy hour and kick it during the week. Sidebar: It sucks that the best parties are on weekdays. When I was working I would party during the week on special occasions like award show after parties and the like, but mostly it was only happy hour during the week and partying on weekends. My fabulous gay boyfriend told me, "I only go out during the week; only working class people go out on weekends." He's so Hollywood. Whatever bitch, I'm one of those working class folks. Everyone can't be a kept woman/man. Bitch.

I will be hamming it up, but don't get it twisted. I'm actively seeking employment; I'm not trying to post up on mama's couch collecting unemployment. I feel blessed that I have something to tide me until I find another job. And I've been getting a lot callbacks from employers; I have a few interviews set up for next week. Hopefully my next job will come sooner rather than later.

So, that will be my life until I find another job: partying, job search, interviewing, chillin! Not necessarily in that order, but maybe.

Thanks for reading, my people. I must go, I need to pack and practice my beach poses. Miami baby!

peace.

bgi

she's resurfaced!

What up what up what up! BGI is back in the building live and in color. I'm sorry if you missed me, ya girl has been hella busy as of late.

So much has happened over the past few weeks. I finished my DJ class, I'm official now. DJ Lady Verb! My next move is to buy my own turntables (if GW ever sends my stimulus check...where's my money fool?) and to build a cool ass vinyl collection. I've really learned to appreciate vinyl, 'cause you can't scratch on CD or Ipod. You can scratch your mp3s on your computer if you use Serato, but I'm not on that level yet.

I'm still trying to get out of the hellhole, also known as my place of employment. My focus has shifted from going back to school to become a teacher to getting another full time job. I have bills to pay, and I can't afford to take a pay cut by cutting back on work for school. So my goal is sacrificed for now, as I try to make a living. Doesn't that suck? I can't do what I really want because I have to work. Booooo nigga boooooo.

The pseudo and I had "the talk." You know, "the talk" tends to complicate things. Our relationship is so much better when we are simply enjoying it and not worrying about where things are going. Not to say that people shouldn't discuss the relationship, but when the conversation is super formal and riddled with anxiety, it's not a good look. Discussions about the relationship should be relaxed and positive, without any demands or challenges. It should just flow.

We aren't ready to fully commit right now, but if it's meant to be things will fall into place. We enjoy each other's company and we care for one another. He makes me feel protected, and he makes me feel like the only woman in the world when we're together. That's much more important to me right now than focusing on commitment. I don't need a title on that. I've been in committed situations that were way worse. Viva la pseudo!

From this BGI learned a lesson: enjoy the damn relationship and don't stress about where it's going. I would still stab a bitch over him, but that's because I'm crazy. Hey, it is what it is. Don't start nothing won't be nothing. Women worry about stuff like that. We don't want to feel like we're giving ourselves for nothing. But if a man loves you he'll be there. He will come around on his own. You just do you, Imma do me.

Tata,

BGI

P.S. I didn't forget I got tagged. I see you B!