Black Girl Interrupted

Mental Wanderlusting

2008-08-19T21:37:00.001-07:00

I'm happier when I'm busy. Is that weird? I feel like I need to be doing something most of the time, or I feel like I'm worthless. Since I'm not working, I get bored as hell. And being bored makes me stir crazy.

I'm really ready to go back to work. In the interim, I'm continually finding things to keep me occupied outside of my job search. I'm focusing on freelance writing and helping a friend with an online marketing project. It's pretty educational, so not only am I banishing the boredom, I'm learning too. It may put $$ in my wallet, and it's a resume booster. Shit yea!

I ditched the unpaid internship and the classes too. I can't afford the DJ hobby right now. I don't have the energy for it, I need to focus on getting this career back up and running.

I have lots of free time to be creative and let my mind wander. And to catch up on television! I absolutely heart Wendy Williams. She better make it past the six-week sneak peek. She's the best thing on broadcast television and I don't care what nobody say 'bout it! And right now I will admit that I am a total reality television addict. I will watch nearly any reality show on Bravo and VH-1. It's terrible but who doesn't like to watch people make asses of themselves? And it's scripted real life?

I also have a lot of time to talk to God. This is a time to stay prayed up, no doubt. Despite my circumstances right now I am a very blessed individual.

I feel like this post has come full circle, now I must go. Peace.

bgi

Still On It

2008-08-16T12:12:00.000-07:00

I'm trying to get back to blogging regularly since I got my computer back. I lost my momentum for awhile, so please bear with me as I get back in the swing of blogging.

Things have been a little crazy lately. I'm still unemployed, going on three months. During this time I freelanced for a few weeks, and interned at the DJ school. The internship is not going so well, mainly because I'm a grown ass woman with financial responsibilities, and I can't afford to be working for free no matter how "educational" the experience is. Sure, it's fun to be in the mix and be around music all day, but I need to get paid. So I've returned my focus to seeking full time work.

The good thing about being out of work for so long and trying on different hats is that I have a better sense of what I want out of a job. I learned that I don't just want a job, I want a career. I need to work in a creative environment. I still have a great love for marketing. In the past I've been quick to move on, preventing myself from exploring the opportunities available in my current field. I'm learning to not be so haste. It's up to me to breathe life into my career if I feel things are stagnant.

I'm doing my best to be optimistic during this period in my life. It's very difficult, but I refuse to let myself get down about things. If I'm doing my part, God will take care of the rest.

Peace,

BGI

Where You At?

2008-07-17T17:15:00.000-07:00

I took an impromptu hiatus, but I'm still here! I should really be blogging more often, because I've been having lots of interesting and random experiences as of late. Thanks Southern Lady for giving me the nudge. I've been real busy. Interning at the DJ school, picking up freelance work where I can, starting an event planning business...I'm all over the place.

It's fun though. I decided to try my hand at entreprenuership and see where it goes. If you've read this blog for any amount of time I'm sure you've gathered that I don't do well in corporate environments, I need the freedom to be me and do what I want. If I'm working on a freelance or per project basis I can do that. Full-time job? No way. There's no stability in entreprenuership, but where is there stability? I know from my last job that job security is just a myth so I gotta make my own way.

The pseudo hooked me up with some freelance stuff at BET, so ya girl is making that TV money. I know it's BET, but a check is a check.

Speaking of the pseudo, we're still going strong. This relationship is definitely a journey. It's kind of weird working together with him as my boss but it's all good. It will make for some good role play later on.

That's all I got for now, I'll holla at ya.

BGI

GO LAKERS!!!!

2008-06-16T22:59:00.001-07:00

power to the people

2008-06-14T15:43:00.001-07:00

Yesterday, as I swooped by 7-Eleven in Inglewood to grab some casings for my trees, there were two young ladies posted near the entrance distributing publications to passers-by. "Power to the people!" they exclaimed with pride, to anyone within earshot.

As I made my way from my car to the entrance, one of them said to me, "Sister don't forget to stop by on your way out and pick up some literature." Ok, I said.

I went inside, did my business and came back out. Went over to homegirl and got the literature from her. "Thank you and stay beautiful my sister," she said to me, and gave me the fist. I smiled, got in my car and pulled off.

The literature she gave me was a periodical of some sort for the Black Riders Liberation Party. They refer to themselves as the "new generation of Black Panthers"and their goal is to serve and protect the black community from "racist oppressors" by "whatever means necessary."

My encounter with the two sisters from the Black Riders opened my mind way up. Sometimes I see Black Riders around South LA, usually at major intersections marching and chanting "Black Power! Power to the People!" to motorists and pedestrians. They're out there with the rest of the neighborhood hustlers who sell t-shirts, fruit, mixtapes, Victoria's Secret body products (yes, there are folks on Slauson & Crenshaw selling Victoria's Secret lotion). But I would always take a look and keep going. I had never taken the time to hear them out and see what they were about.

I took the time out to peruse the periodical, and there was much talk of policing the police, armed self-defense, and intercommunalism. It was very revolutionary; it was fascinating. I can't say I agree with all of their beliefs and tactics, but I can relate to the love of black people. I love my people but the Black Riders are down for the cause.

Definitely a mind-opening encounter. It was one of those situations where the stuff you learned in school became relevant. Black revolutionaries are both glorified and demonized in history, and rightfully so. There are a lot of good intentions that are not always executed well. But if the goal is to educate someone, that's what happened to me. A lesson learned on the way to 7-Eleven to pick up a couple of swishers.

stay beautiful my peeps (no color lines)

bgi

stir crazy, and other things

2008-06-06T20:43:00.000-07:00

I think I'm going stir crazy. Seriously. I'm not the type of person who can sit in the house all day doing nothing. Not working is driving me insane. I'm so used to being busy and overwhelmed and it's shocking to all of a sudden be in a place where it's the exact opposite. I'm bored as hell. And when I'm bored, I get myself in a lot of trouble.

To be totally honest, I'm looking for work but I'm being very picky. I want my next job to be something that I enjoy and that's going to help propel me forward in my career. I want to continue my career in online advertising, become an expert, and eventually branch out on my own. Sure I could take any old office job, or go work at Coffee Bean or Target. But I would be unhappy, bitter, jaded, disgruntled, overqualified.

Actually, Coffee Bean wouldn't be that bad until the next gig comes along. They have the best coffee ever. I think the company offers benefits to part time and full time employees too. I'll give it another month, and if I don't find something, then "Welcome to Coffee Bean, how may I help you?"

My family is pressuring me to get a civil service job. "The economy is so bad," they say. "Get a government job, it's stable." Right. Me? Work for the gov't? Hmmmm no thanks. I don't knock anyone who chooses that path but it's not one for me. For me that would be settling into something that I don't really want to do. And I don't believe in settling.

Right now my creativity is at an all time high. Without the stress of that hellish job, I have the mental headspace to brainstorm and figure out what it is I truly want in a job and in my career. I figured out that I want a career and not just a job. I need to stop flip flopping and stick with one thing at a time. Give myself time to explore avenues before moving on to the next so quickly. And that I need to take more risks. There have been times when I let fear hold me back from taking risks, and not taking risks makes you lose out on opportunities. It's smart to be cautious, but not too cautious.

So what's up next for BGI?

1. Interning at my DJ school. It's unpaid, but at least it will keep me busy and allow me to develop my skill set. I want to focus on online advertising for the school. I want to be an expert. This can possibly turn into a job.

2. Freelance online advertising. Since I don't have a job yet, I have to find projects where I can.

3. Stripping. Just kidding! I wish I had the audacity to do it. I'm serious. They get paid good money. Fuck me for having dignity. But if I get desperate enough I may do it.

4. Taking another DJ class. This is another source of potential income, and it's so much fun. I love it.

5. Freelance writing. It's my passion.

6. Continued partying and ass shaking. It's my specialty.

Somehow, some way I'll make the best of my sabbatical. I don't consider myself unemployed, just taking an unexpected break from work. It's bad, but it's all good. I refuse to let this situation bring me down and fuck with my optimism.

Peace,

soul sista bgi

vacation mode

2008-05-30T13:22:00.000-07:00

Since my return from Miami, I've remained in vacation mode. It's hard to come back to real life after days of chilling poolside with a cocktail, hanging out on the beach, soaking up the tropical sun...I want to go back!

Miami was a good trip. It wasn't a party trip like the first time I went. At least not for me. Everyone else out there on Memorial Day weekend was getting their mad party on. I had a ball simply watching the debauchery take place. Miami is definitely a place where hedonism rules. Whatever your indulgence, it's there for you on a sexy platter.

The pseudo and I were just chilling. It was a two person party all weekend. We ate, drank, smoked, chilled by the pool, kicked it on the beach, people watched. Very fun and relaxing. It was just what we both needed. Me because I needed a vacation in light of the layoff, and him because he works too damn much and doesn't make time to relax.

I returned to LA on Saturday, and I've been going out a lot since then. This week I went out 3 out of 5 days. I've been partying way more than usual. Part of it is because my BFF's birthday was this week, but I think on some level I'm celebrating for me too. I have lots to celebrate. I've been liberated from the plantation. My creativity is high. I'm at a place where I can do whatever I want, and that excites me. I can do what I want and not have to take a job simply because I need work. It's a good feeling, I feel energized and ready for the challenge.

I have lots of free time now, which is a good and bad thing. It gives me a lot of time to think. About where I am, where I want to be, and how the hell I'm going to get there. I feel like I need to find a career and stick with it. I keep wanting to try different things but I feel like it's getting in the way of me finding what it is I really want to do. That sounds weird doesn't it? Ideally it's great to try out different things before deciding on one path. But I feel like I change careers so quickly that I don't give myself time to see if I really like it. I don't give myself the chance to see where it can go, what avenues are available within a field or industry.

I know for a fact I want to work in communications. I want to teach too, but that's something that's always going to be available to me. I can always do that later. I want to see where a career in advertising can take me. I did the online advertising thing, I want to do media planning next. See, I can try different things within my industry without doing a total career change. I'm learning!

I'm at a very optimistic place right now and I feel so blessed for it. I was at a bad place for a long time and I'm glad the pendulum has shifted. Thank you Lord. Thank you for blogging as therapy.

Peace,

bgi

crazy ish, son

2008-05-21T19:26:00.000-07:00

This has been the craziest week of my life. Let me tell you why.

Monday, I was laid off from the job I hate. Can I testify? Thank you Jesus! I couldn't stand that damn place; laying me off was the best thing they could have done for me. That place was sucking me dry and stifling my creativity. Can't nobody tell me that prayer doesn't change things because I was surely praying to get out of that piece. The best part about it is that I was laid off with three months' severance pay. What!

Tomorrow the pseudo and I are going to Miami on vacation. On Memorial Day weekend nonetheless. It's going to be pure niggery and debauchery, I'm so excited! (That was sarcasm in case you didn't catch it.) But seriously, I'm very excited to get away and spend some quality time with him. He's been on the road and working a lot so I'm happy that we will have a couple of days to reconnect. Viva la pseudo! He's so gonna get it when we get down there. :-D

I feel like the happiest person with no job. I have free time to rest, reflect, and map out my next move. I get to make it on time for happy hour and kick it during the week. Sidebar: It sucks that the best parties are on weekdays. When I was working I would party during the week on special occasions like award show after parties and the like, but mostly it was only happy hour during the week and partying on weekends. My fabulous gay boyfriend told me, "I only go out during the week; only working class people go out on weekends." He's so Hollywood. Whatever bitch, I'm one of those working class folks. Everyone can't be a kept woman/man. Bitch.

I will be hamming it up, but don't get it twisted. I'm actively seeking employment; I'm not trying to post up on mama's couch collecting unemployment. I feel blessed that I have something to tide me until I find another job. And I've been getting a lot callbacks from employers; I have a few interviews set up for next week. Hopefully my next job will come sooner rather than later.

So, that will be my life until I find another job: partying, job search, interviewing, chillin! Not necessarily in that order, but maybe.

Thanks for reading, my people. I must go, I need to pack and practice my beach poses. Miami baby!

peace.

bgi

she's resurfaced!

2008-05-13T18:20:00.000-07:00

What up what up what up! BGI is back in the building live and in color. I'm sorry if you missed me, ya girl has been hella busy as of late.

So much has happened over the past few weeks. I finished my DJ class, I'm official now. DJ Lady Verb! My next move is to buy my own turntables (if GW ever sends my stimulus check...where's my money fool?) and to build a cool ass vinyl collection. I've really learned to appreciate vinyl, 'cause you can't scratch on CD or Ipod. You can scratch your mp3s on your computer if you use Serato, but I'm not on that level yet.

I'm still trying to get out of the hellhole, also known as my place of employment. My focus has shifted from going back to school to become a teacher to getting another full time job. I have bills to pay, and I can't afford to take a pay cut by cutting back on work for school. So my goal is sacrificed for now, as I try to make a living. Doesn't that suck? I can't do what I really want because I have to work. Booooo nigga boooooo.

The pseudo and I had "the talk." You know, "the talk" tends to complicate things. Our relationship is so much better when we are simply enjoying it and not worrying about where things are going. Not to say that people shouldn't discuss the relationship, but when the conversation is super formal and riddled with anxiety, it's not a good look. Discussions about the relationship should be relaxed and positive, without any demands or challenges. It should just flow.

We aren't ready to fully commit right now, but if it's meant to be things will fall into place. We enjoy each other's company and we care for one another. He makes me feel protected, and he makes me feel like the only woman in the world when we're together. That's much more important to me right now than focusing on commitment. I don't need a title on that. I've been in committed situations that were way worse. Viva la pseudo!

From this BGI learned a lesson: enjoy the damn relationship and don't stress about where it's going. I would still stab a bitch over him, but that's because I'm crazy. Hey, it is what it is. Don't start nothing won't be nothing. Women worry about stuff like that. We don't want to feel like we're giving ourselves for nothing. But if a man loves you he'll be there. He will come around on his own. You just do you, Imma do me.

Tata,

BGI

P.S. I didn't forget I got tagged. I see you B!

every time the beat drop

2008-04-20T16:25:00.000-07:00

Hellur! I been gone for a minute but I'm back. I've been hella busy lately between work, looking for another job, DJ classes, and trying to get the teacher thing crackin.

Let me tell you, DJ'ing isn't as easy as it looks. There is a lot going behind those turntables. From beat matching to track selection to scratching to party mood...but it's so much fun. I'm learning a lot about sound and music too. It's a really good thing.

Btw, happy 4/20 to those who partake!

I feel very sexy these days. I feel healthy, fit, and I am coming into who I am as a woman. I feel better and more confident than I've ever felt before.

I'm trying the natural hair thing. My natural texture is wavy/curly, so I'm experimenting with different products and looks. I think it agrees with me, I like it and I get complimented on my hair a lot. And I feel so organic and free when I wear my hair natural. I'm getting tired of using heat to force my hair into submission. I want to limit the heat styling to keep the damage to a minimum. It always rebels anyway. Rebellious hair.

Sidebar reflection -- it's crazy how history repeats itself. Is it me or does it seem like it's 1992 again? From the fashion to the economy to race relations...and fuckin Yo! MTV Raps is back. Crazy ish, son.

Logging off,

BGI

Que Pasa Ya'll

2008-04-01T18:30:00.000-07:00

I absolutely have to learn Spanish. I've been living in Southern California my entire life, but I never picked up the language. I know a few curse words here and there, and I know how to ask where the bathroom is, but that's about it.

I'm a tutor for an organization that services students throughout LA County. Specifically, we help kids who have low scores on the state exams. Many of the students are children of immigrants, whose ability to speak English is very limited. To adapt to them and to be able to relate to them better, I need to learn Spanish.

I just got off the phone with one parent who had to put one of the children on the phone to translate the conversation. If I am going to be a teacher in Los Angeles County, this is going to be something I'll have to face on a regular basis.

Being bilingual helps on the job too. I see so many job postings asking for bilingual candidates. I'll be way more marketable if I learn Spanish.

I see what my next venture is.

Adios,

BGI

thinking in circles

2008-03-25T19:03:00.000-07:00

My mind is all over the place, so bear with me.

In my journey, I'm beginning to see that things don't always turn out how we expect them to. Specifically: priorities shift, things change. It's the ebb and flow of life.

It seems like I'm always changing. I'm ADD-ish, so I'm forever finding new interests. One day I'm totally interested in something, the next day I've moved on to something else. Hey, I just like to sample the smörgåsbord of life.

Like work. I was really big on having a marketing career, but after working in the field for a couple of years, I decided I don't really like it and I want to move on. I got a crash course in print and internet marketing, and guess what? I hate it. Time for the next career.

Currently I'm faced with an unstable work situation. Rumors are going around that my department may be phased out within the next 3-6 months, which would leave me jobless. Which is bad, but good because I'm gearing up for a career change. I hate my damn job anyway; the best thing they could do is close up shop and give me a cool severance package.

Admittedly, I'm a little apprehensive. I've gotten used to the stability that comes with the humdrum of working for someone else. When I leave I'm faced with the possibility of no benefits, no 401k, no biweekly paycheck. I'm scurred. Stockholm Syndrome.

I know won't be destitute. In a couple of weeks I'll begin tutoring kids in English, so that will provide some income. I'm looking for teacher assistant jobs, so I can supplement the tutor income with my TA earnings. Who knows, this fall one of the local school districts may throw me to the wolves, and pay me full salary and benefits while allowing me to earn my teaching credential. Never know.

Please pray for ya girl that I don't get sick, require major surgery, or suffer a major injury. I may be without benefits for a few months. Thank God I have another 6 months on my birth control pills.

Relationships - still trying to figure things out with the pseudo. I'm trying to determine whether my needs are being fulfilled. Sometimes I feel like they are, other times I don't. Hence the confusion.

I try not to spend too much time worrying about it. There's no reason to worry, I'm way too fly for that. My life is fulfilling outside of having a man.

I wish I wasn't a worrier. But I'm a Virgo. I ruminate.

I sound like a crazy woman, but it's how I feel. I own my feelings.

Stay fly.

this dj

2008-03-03T18:16:00.000-08:00

When I was growing up, I used to make tapes off the radio. This is back in the day when Theo used to be on 92.3 the beat, in the early 90s. I recorded damn near everything that came on. Old school jams like Teddy Pendergrass, anything by Parliament, Funkadelic, Zapp & Roger. Back then new hip hop was Ice Cube (on the solo tip w/o NWA), Snoop of course, Warren G, E-40. I was a west coast diva as an adolescent, lol. I was much more into West Coast hip hop back then. R&B was Guy, Hi Five, 702, SWV. If it came on the radio and I liked the sound it was going on to little BGI's mixtapes. I amassed a huge collection of tapes off the radio until about 94, when my parents let me buy CDs on my own. Even after that I still made tapes because I liked to make my own mixes. Nowadays I make my own playlists from music I download off the 'net. I have this thing about putting together my own playlists and mix cds.

Ever since I was that little girl making mix tapes off the radio I wanted to be a DJ. Even though I didn't pursue it outside of making my own mixes, the desire never left. Today, I'm satisfying this desire by taking DJ classes this spring.

I went to the open house for this DJ school in West LA, and I got on the turntables for the first time. I felt so at home. In the free practice class I learned a bit about the history of DJing, and I learned how to cue a record. And, I won a free semester at the DJ school! I feel so lucky. I feel like I'm a step closer to pursuing my passion. I'm ready to drop some cash on a pair of turntables and a mixer and scratch and mix to my heart's desire. I feel really blessed to have the opportunity to take DJ classes, because it's not something that's traditionally taught in a class setting. It's more of an underground thing.

I have a few ideas for a DJ name. So far I got DJ Lady Verb. It's fitting with the whole English teacher thing right? Also up for consideration is DJ Spin-Nice, and DJ Virgo. If you have any suggestions for a cool DJ name, hit me up and let me know.

Da mixmaster,

BGI

uncertainty

2008-02-29T19:58:00.000-08:00

I'm in the process of a career change. I'm pursuing a teaching career, and my goal is to be teaching in my own classroom this fall. I've made lots of progress; I have an interview next week with an organization that selects teaching candidates for charter schools in the LA area. I already registered for the CBEST, and once I get my hands on some extra cash I'm registering for the subject matter exams for the grade level I want to teach.

I ran across another good opportunity teaching for a summer reading program. I applied for it on a whim, because it seems like a good way to gain experience in a classroom setting and I'm very passionate about books, reading, and learning.

Despite the fact that these opportunities are promising, I feel uncertain. That stupid negative voice in my head is nagging me and making me wonder: if I quit my job to take the summer teaching position, what if I don't get a teaching job after the program ends? I can't afford to spend any time unemployed.

No matter what the negative voice says, my gut is telling me to go for it. I'll just have to deal with the consequences later. The relentless optimist in me thinks that this is a golden opportunity because it's a way to gain valuable experience, and it's a way for me to leave my shitty job sooner than I originally thought I would. If I get the summer teaching job I'll be out that bitch by Memorial Day rather than August or September.

It's not like my current job is stable to begin with. My company got purchased by its partner, and all operations except for my department are being relocated to Texas. Supposedly my department gets to remain alive since there isn't any internet marketing talent in the new city. Granted, web marketing thrives mostly on the coasts. But think about it, how many startups have your heard of that pop up in the middle of nowhere? Also, the fact that there isn't a plethora of web marketing talent in TX doesn't mean that they won't find any and replace the people on my team. It would be cheaper and more efficient for the company to hire local talent rather than to keep us in LA. We're all expendable.

I'm 90% sure that I will have a teaching job with full salary and benefits at the beginning of the fall school year. LAUSD is hard up for teachers, maybe due to their faulty payroll system. Compton Unified is so desperate for teachers that they will not only pay you full salary and benefits, but they will pay for your credential program and help you pay off your old student loans. There are over a hundred charter schools in LA, many of which have a desperate need for teachers. Despite talks of proposed state budget cuts in education, it's a job seeker's market in the education game.

I may be without benefits for the summer, but it's very likely that I'll have a job this fall. In the interim, that's why God made COBRA.

This is where going back to church has inspired me so much. It helps me to have faith when I'm not sure what road to take. All I have to do is take a step, because it's already done. God's gonna work it out.

Peace.

loss of motivation

2008-02-26T19:34:00.001-08:00

I know this is bad, but I've become very, very unmotivated when it comes to my job. I've reached the point where I hate it and I dread getting up to go to work everyday. If they let me go I would be happy, because then I would be eligible for unemployment.

Today was a breaking point for me. I saw an invoice for a consultant the company employs, who is working on a project that consists of the same exact thing I do every single day. Except, this consultant doesn't even really work in advertising, her real "job" is an actress. She just helps out on a few projects on an as needed basis. The invoice showed that she is paid $25 bucks an hour to do what I showed her how to do. My pay comes out to about $15-$16 an hour. That was like a slap in the face to me.

Don't think I haven't brought the issue of a raise up to my boss. Her reply is that the 5% percent that I received at my annual review was the max I could receive, and the company is going through a big reorganization and they aren't giving out pay increases. So she can get the company to pay this fake ass actress to do my job on a freelance basis, but they can't pay me more to do it every day.

This is exactly why I sit on my ass and run my mouth on the phone with my friends on company time. This is why I chat on IM and email all day, and print hundreds of pages per day on the company printer. This is why I take 3 unauthorized 20 minute breaks every day, in addition to my lunch. This is why I jack blank cds from the supply room so I can come home and burn cds. This is why I don't have a sense of urgency to do my job, because these bitches don't pay me what I'm worth. They would rather pay someone else to do my job than to pay me more. They deserve every iota of abuse of company resources that they get, from me and everyone else who works there.

I used to give 110%. I used to go above and beyond, stay late, work from home, and do whatever I had to do to finish projects. Now, I simply don't give a fuck. Now I spend the majority of my days working on getting my teaching career going while reading the NY & LA Times. I do the bare minimum that's required of me, but that's it.

I hate to think that it's a race thing, but I can't help but suspect that based on how I'm treated versus how others are treated. Things are made easier for the beckies, while it seems like things are made more difficult for me. Becky can call in late every day and take hour and a half lunches, but if I take a break to use my cell phone for more than 15 minutes it's an issue. The company pays Becky's car note, while I can't even get paid what I'm worth. Yes, my job is paying one of my coworker's car note. That screams suspect to me.

It's very disappointing because it seems like no matter how hard you work, no matter how good you are at your job, it doesn't matter in Corporate America. All that matters is whether they like you, and if you kiss ass, you're good. BGI's mama didn't raise her to kiss people's ass. She raised to her be respectful and polite, but brown nosing is a no-no.

I could see if I didn't perform well, but I'm one of the best employees at my job. I get compliments all the time from my colleagues and vendors. My boss, the ungrateful whore that she is, is the only one who doesn't appreciate my efforts. I can't wait for the day that I hand in my resignation, and see the look on her face when she realizes that I won't be there to run reports, handle accounts, troubleshoot, follow up, or handle any of the day to day aspects of the company's internet ad campaigns. That shit is going to fall apart when I leave, and I'm going to be laughing when that shit crumbles.

End rant.

BGI

doin hollywood

2008-02-15T19:39:00.000-08:00

I usually stay away from the whole Hollywood scene. Although it's fun it can be a bit too superficial and pretentious for my taste. What can I say? I'm a ghetto nerd/urban hippie who thinks she's too good to kick it with the Hollywood folks. Fuck it, I'm a native. I'm allowed to be that way. But anyway, since the pseudo had to work on the Image Awards on Valentine's day, he invited me and my peoples to the show. Even though me and him couldn't spend time together one on one, at least we got to hang a little bit.

The show was good, although I find it more entertaining to people watch when I'm doing the Hollywood thing. Sidebar: In my opinion, Hollywood is not only a place here in LA, it also describes a state of mind or a state of being. It becomes who you are. Sometimes people are just really Hollywood. Wearing shades to the club at night=Hollywood. Responding with, "do you know who I am?" when people don't acquiesce to you=Hollywood. Trying to come up in the entertainment game by any means necessary, which very likely may include compromising your integrity=Hollywood. Introducing yourself as Snoop's cousin/Alicia Keys's stylist/Jada Pinkett's assistant's assistant=Hollywood. I think you catch my drift.

The actual award show was nice, but the after party to the Image Awards was the jump off. It was hosted by Doug E. Fresh, who after all these years can still rock a crowd like it's nobody's business. That's definitely the dude you want to have at your bar mitzvah, know what I mean? He had the WHOLE crowd jumping, singing along, dancing...I've never personally witnessed someone rock a crowd like that. And he does the Doug E. Fresh move so smoothly. Me and my BFF were crushing on him. We were like two 80s groupies out there.

My favorite part of the night was when Doug E. was up on stage beat boxing, and then Stevie Wonder came onstage and started singing along with him. While Doug E. was beat boxing! It was a perfect musical moment of straight up hip hop and classic soul coming together. It was live, it was acapella, it felt like history. That is a moment I will never forget.

We were supposed to leave the party at 11pm, to get home in time enough to grab at least 6 hours before having to get up for work the next day. At 11pm I was out on the dance floor doin da butt (ah, sexy sexy!) with some dude with a perm. I didn't make it home until about 1:30am.

Still made it in to work, albiet super tired. I made it through the day though. But the night I had before was well worth the sluggishness I felt today.

Doin da butt,

BGI

mindless meanderings...

2008-02-12T18:42:00.001-08:00

As usual, my thoughts are all over the place. Streams of consciousness...

Is it me or are Tuesdays the most hellish day of the week? On Tuesday mornings it seems like I've woken up after falling asleep only minutes earlier. The day goes by hella slow, and there's shit on tv when I get home. Thank God for DVR.

I'm excited about pursuing my teaching career. I think once I move into this career it will signify the end of me changing careers like a pair of undies. Initially I thought I wanted to teach elementary school, but something in me wants to reach junior high school kids. Sure, at that age they're starting to smell themselves in a figurative sense, but I feel like that's a time when kids need someone who is willing to reach out to them, interact with them, and guide them. Plus, I think I can handle them at that age. I'm pretty well known for being a hard ass so I already got the stern thing down.

I plan on being in somebody's classroom this fall. I don't have all the details worked out yet, but I'm getting my ducks in a row and taking the required exams and applying to teaching programs. It gives me a real sense of peace and solace to know exactly what direction I'm headed in. When my boss is being an insipid cunt, I think to myself, "I won't have to deal with this stupid corporate bullshit for too much longer," and it warms my heart. It makes the day just a little more tolerable.

Valentine's day is this week...the pseudo will be working but he invited me, my mama and 'nem to the NAACP Image Awards. I'm excited about that. It was his idea for me to invite my mom, which was very thoughtful of him. He got a couple cool points for that. His mom is coming too, so I'll be meeting her for the first time. Nervous much?

We likely won't celebrate V-day on the 14th, but this weekend I'm planning on making a special meal. I'm thinking maybe stuffed chicken, veggies sauteed in onion, garlic, and butter, roasted potatoes...and for dessert, BGI a la mode. Kidding! I don't know what I'm making for dessert. I have no idea what to get him for a gift, so I decided to make dinner. People usually have most of the material things they need, so I like to give gifts that provide experiences for people. I like to take people to cool places, cook or bake for them, or do a nice gesture. Sometimes those are the best gifts.

Anybody can buy a pair of silk boxers for Valentine's day, but not everyone can make a 4 course dinner with dessert.

BGI

random ass days: the story of my life

2008-02-06T20:51:00.000-08:00

As anyone who has read my blog for any period of time knows, I experience quite a few random moments on a regular basis. I don't know what it is, it's always been that way for me. I just experience things and events that are a little out of the ordinary.

Case in point: yesterday my BFF and I went to Berri's for the CA primary viewing party. It was a cool event, drinks and appetizers while watching the exit poll results. Btw, Obama didn't win CA, but it's all good because as of this post he's won 13 states to Hill's 8. Although she has won more delegates so far, I think it's apparent that Obama is more popular and may indeed win the popular vote come November. But I digress.

So while I'm at the spot the pseudo sends me a dirty text that says, "come do me in the edit bay." He's a tv producer, so he spends quite a bit of time there. It's awards season and he's working insane hours these days. But anyway, by the time I checked my phone and saw the text, I had already had a few drinks and I responded, "Boy stop I may really swing through." The next thing I knew he called me, and I was on my way to Century City.

I got to his office, and he and his video editor were hard at work editing a piece for the grammys on Sunday. It was like 10:30 at night and these dudes were still going hard. The pseudo decided to take a break, and we went into one of the empty edit bays. We sat and talked for a second, then he moved in to kiss me. The next thing I knew we were going at it in the edit bay!

This officially goes down as the craziest place I've ever had sex. I had sex in the edit bay of a major network owned by Viacom. I've always had a fantasy about having sex at the workplace. And it was so good too! I guess the excitement associated with the situation made it really hot. When we were done, the pseudo said, "you know, when I sent you that text I was bored and just kidding around. I didn't think you would really come down."

Don't test me, boo. I just may surprise you.

Holla atcha girl,

BGI

Super Tuesday (Eve)

2008-02-04T19:23:00.000-08:00

For some reason I'm kind of excited for Super Tuesday. It could be all the media hype surrounding the primaries, and I'm a media junkie, so I've been bombarded with messages at every turn. Or it could be that this election is one for the history books, considering that its a very real possibility that our next president will either be female or a black man. Or, it could be that my endorphins are high since I just got home from the gym. I don't know. Whatever it is, I'm feeling very optimistic about the future of our country.

I'm going to swing by the poll when it opens @ 7am. That way I can proudly sport an "I Voted" sticker at work. But seriously, if I do it early I won't have any excuses to not do it when I get off work. Plus, I found the most random event: a super Tuesday viewing party @ Berri's in West Hollywood. The event is supposed to cater to urban professionals and will allow for people to socialize while watching the primary results. It's like Monday Night Football for the California Primary. Since I'm planning on going to that I won't be able to vote after work. I'll be damned if I drive home to South LA and then back to West Hollywood after work. Me thinks not.

It'll be fun to get faded and talk politics with people. Hopefully no fights break out. Fools be trippin.

Oh, and I have a surprise: I started going back to church. BGI is no longer a heathen! I went back a couple of Sundays ago on a whim, and it was sooooo good. I felt like my spirit had been cleansed. I've been going to City of Refuge, which is a huge church, but I love it. The pastor there is great. I'll have to give you more in another post sometime. I'm telling you about church because yesterday Bill Clinton stopped through. And I missed it! I was there last Sunday and it was just regular old church. I skipped this Sunday and the former president came through. Damn damn damn! I would have really liked to see him. Even though I'm not voting for his baby mama.

Vote for Obama!

soul searching sista

2008-01-30T20:07:00.001-08:00

I've been doing quite a bit of soul searching lately. I'm trying to find my way and figure out how to have the most fulfilling life I possibly can. The #1 area I'm trying to figure out right now is my career.

I've gone through several different career changes and I'm only 25. I went to law school for a year, got suspended, got a job in the legal field, found that I hated it, and never went back. Clearly, I did things in reverse order there. I do things backwards sometimes, it's how I learn. I moved on to a career in marketing, where I'm finding that although there are some aspects of marketing that I like, I hate working in a corporate environment. I've been on several job interviews for public relations firms, event planning companies, and news wire services. You name the field, and I probably either had a job in it, internship, or interviewed for a position. There is a common denominator in all those fields - they all involve writing and communications. Whatever I do, I need to be doing that.

I'm finding that corporate America isn't for me. I'm too laid back and I don't have that sense urgency and super-competitiveness associated with the game. I'm not one of those overly aggressive people with a sense of drive that compels them to do whatever it takes to close the deal. I value things other than making money for a company and being somebody's office bitch.

What do I value? Knowledge. Literature. History and it's preservation. Literature is my first love. I love reading and writing. I love learning and expanding my knowledge. The pseudo affectionately refers to me as a ghetto hippie intellectual, because I enjoy going to the theater and museums exhibits, all while bumping Dogg Pound in the ride and rolling up a fat one. I rock black rimmed glasses and a nose ring. In an ideal world I would eat organic food, go green, and write all day while wearing flip flops and my favorite pair of jeans. I grew up in the LBC, I'm a beach girl. It's in me.

During a conversation a few evenings ago, I mentioned to the pseudo in passing that I always secretly wanted to be an English professor. He paused, looked me dead in the eye and said, "out of all the things you've ever said you wanted to do, that sounds the most 'you.' That's so your element." I look at him blankly for a second, and then I had a lightbulb moment. Right then it dawned on me that I should be an educator.

Duh, right? Why I hadn't considered it before, I don't know. When people find out I have an English degree, they always ask, "do you plan on teaching?" And the answer was always, "no." I think I needed to try different areas before I decided a path. I needed to satisfy my natural curiosity by experiencing different careers for myself. That way I can say I at least tried it firsthand.

Being an educator would give me the freedom to do my own thing. Aside from being a rewarding career, the hours are flexible, and I would get summer and winter breaks. Who couldn't use a summer vacation? The pay is cool too. I would be helping people learn while having room in my life to cultivate my own interests. So far its looking like:

Education=10, Corporate America=0

I prayed for guidance and direction and to find my purpose in life, and like God tends to do sometimes, he put it right in my face when I least expected it. If anyone ever doubts the power of prayer they are sorely misinformed.

In the words of one of the founding fathers of hip hop: thank you, god bless, and good night.

bgi

Chunky Butt Ex

2008-01-21T18:28:00.001-08:00

There are moments in life where you just can't help but gloat. I recently saw my ex boyfriend when I went to his mom's house to visit his family. Doesn't it suck when you break up with someone and you have to break up with the family too? I freaking love my ex's family, they were like a second family to me when I was with him. But anyway, I went to visit and my ex happened to be home. I hadn't seen him since we broke up three years ago. Since we broke up, he's grown considerably.

Too bad that growth wasn't his evolvement [yes this is a word, I looked it up on dictionary.com] as a man, it's his waistline. Dude is a major chunky butt now. He looks fat and miserable. He's gained more than 25 pounds since we broke up three years ago. Since then I've lost nearly 20 pounds. When I laid eyes on him I couldn't help but smile. It's the greatest feeling in the world to see your ex for the first time since your breakup and you look your best and your ex looks like a fat miserable old man.

To be fair, we gained weight together. When I was with him I was in college and most of my free time was spent with him, eating, fucking, and sleeping. Not always in that order but definitely a combination of the three. I blame him for that Freshman 15 I put on in my junior year. We signed up for gym memberships together, and working out became a part of the mix of working out, eating junk afterward, fucking, and sleeping.

After I broke up with him I lost weight on the stress diet, but gained it all back after I got over him. Then I got motivated, changed my diet, and started seriously exercising and got my ass in shape. I may have never done that if I stayed with him.

The icing on the cake is his parents saying, "Girl you look so good now, have you lost weight?" and making a fuss over my weight loss. It's pretty noticeable since I'm only 5'2."

He was trying to be nonchalant, looking while trying not to look. Since that visit three months ago he's been emailing me with more frequency.

Big confidence booster. I feel for him because I can tell he's unhappy and miserable, but I feel so good knowing that I don't carry around excess weight anymore.

first post of 08

2008-01-07T18:35:00.000-08:00

7 days into the new year, happy new year to everyone!

I feel like I just came out of hibernation. I was in a pretty dark mood for most of December, but now that the holidays are over and 2008 is here I can start fresh and hit the ground running.

Looking back, last year was blah. 2007 was some sort of weird phase for me. I didn't travel anywhere, I didn't experience anything out of the ordinary, I grew to detest my job after I got promoted. 2007 was very stagnant for me. The feeling of being immobile permeated my entire life. It got to a point where I had enough and I decided that I needed to make some changes in my life. I began to see that some of the immobility was self-imposed. I wanted to get published but I never wrote or submitted any pieces. I wanted a healthy relationship but I was wasting my time on situations that were damaging to me. I wanted another job but I didn't submit my resume because I was comfortable in the job I was in. I think I hit a wall or something because one day I woke up and said to myself, "I'm sick of this, something has to change."

I guess getting fed up is what it takes sometimes. I needed to get back to me and instead of constantly saying "I wish..." I needed to get up off my ass and make things happen.

I sought out inspiration. I went back and read some old journal entries from a couple of years ago, and based on the tone of my words I seemed like someone who was confident, curious about the world, ambitious, and free-spirited. I had crazy energy at that time. I realized that I'm the same person I was then, just a little more mature now with more life experience. I needed to get back to that person. I prayed, I cried, I meditated, I reflected; and after I was done I felt like my soul was cleansed. I realized that I contained the power to make things happen in my life.

So far this year I've been taking steps to get back to me. I'm looking for some writing classes, the job search is promising, I'm surrounding myself with positive people...and slowly but surely I'm getting my swagger back. BGI's mama didn't raise no punk, I'm about to make some moves in this world.

peace

last post of 07

2007-12-31T15:31:00.000-08:00

Straight up stream of consciousness on the last day of the year...

I'm glad to leave 2007 behind. I've had many ups and downs but despite it all I'm still here. For that I'm thankful.

I usually don't make new year's resolutions, I make resolutions for myself around my birthday. Personally that's my time to start afresh. Whenever I make new year's resolutions I hardly ever stick to them anyway.

A resolution I can actually stick with: make career moves in '08. I'm ready to explore other areas of internet advertising.

I have a secret fantasy: I want to be a food network star. They don't have any black cooking show hosts, although Paula Deen is as close as we get.

I recently found something out about myself: I'm an angry black woman. I admit it. Not all the time, but a lot of the time.

I'm glad the holiday season is about to be over. This seems like the longest holiday season ever. Can we get it over with already?

Peace and happy new year

BGI

have an affair

2007-12-17T17:13:00.000-08:00

Yesterday afternoon I was driving down Sunset near the comedy store, house of blues, and all those places. Stuck in traffic, I look up and this billboard caught my eye. It showed a man and a woman embracing like lovers, in the nude. The caption read, "have an affair" and below that was a website, ashleymadison.com.

I didn't think much of it until today, when during my job interview for AP my interviewer and I were discussing advertising and its effectiveness. She mentioned an ad for Wachovia that she spotted on Hollywood and Highland the other day, and how it was huge, imposing, and gaudy. I brought up the ad I saw on Sunset, and we pulled up the site together. Tell me why was the site a dating site for married people? Their slogan is, "When monogamy becomes monotony." What part of the game is that?

The first thing I thought when I saw the billboard was that it promoted a message of infidelity. Sure it's only one billboard and one ad, but such messages tend to infiltrate other areas of media, and like it or not, that's what shapes most people's perception of themselves and others. A billboard or website today can become the inspiration for a play or a show tomorrow, and it could very well end up a reality show the day after that. Like it or not, the bullshit that we read and see on TV and other media influences people and shapes their perceptions.

From an advertising standpoint, the billboard was effective. Shit, it caught my eye. I work in advertising. I'm supposed to be jaded against stuff like that. It was effective enough to make me bring it up in conversation to someone, and to sit here and write about on my blog. However, I think the message contained in the ad is questionable. The service that the company is providing seeks to capitalize on extramarital affairs. But, it could be argued that there's a market for that type of thing, and that it's only bringing to the forefront things that are already happening on the low anyway. Married people cheat all the time.

Technology makes it very easy to cheat. The site says that it has over a million registered members. This site and sites like it aren't making people cheat, but it's definitely enabling it. I guess you can't knock this company's hustle, but it's a hell of a hustle.

sippin on some sizzurp

2007-12-08T09:31:00.000-08:00

I'm sick as a damn dog. This is the worst cold I've had in my entire life. My head is congested, so are my nasal passages, I don't really have a voice and I'm coughing nonstop. I was sick in Vegas, but when I came home it really hit me.

I've been taking Tylenol head cold capsules which have been helping. They're non-drowsy, really non-drowsy, because you know that there are some cold drugs that claim to be non-drowsy but still have you high as a kite and ready to lay it down. Yesterday evening I took some Nyquil for the coughing, and that shit had me throwed.

I ended up dozing off and I had some crazy ass dreams. The first one involved my cousin, who died on Christmas 14 years ago. He died as a result of gang violence at the age of 21. In this dream, somehow I got involved in that life, and we were doing drive-bys together. We were doing walk-bys too, we were chasing people on foot with sawed-off shot guns. We were also on some sniper shit, staking out rooftops with big ass guns. It was crazy! It was like we were in the wire.

The second dream took me back to my childhood home in Compton. My mom was in the kitchen, and my sister was sitting at the dining room table. We were working on plans to remodel the house. Jay-Z was there, he was sitting on the couch. I'm not really sure why he was there, because he didn't have any relevance other than his suggesting that we should paint the walls eggshell. My stepdad's mom stopped by to visit, who is a pill popper turned minister (that part is real, not just part of the dream). She had on a choir robe, and she walked up to our porch, ripped the robe off, and had on a white suit a la John Travolta in Saturday Night Fever. With the black button down shirt and everything. Music starts playing, and the porch turns into a small stage and she starts dancing like James Brown. I kid you not. She even had a sidekick with her who would drape the robe around her when she had her breakdown moments. She was really gettin' it too, she was shuffling, spinning, dropping, doing Michael Jackson kicks, it was outrageous!

Has anyone else out there had crazy Nyquil dreams?

Blogging on the go

2007-12-06T11:09:00.000-08:00

I'm at this internet marketing conference in a session that is boring as fuck trying to pick up on some nugget of information that I can take back to my company. So far from this session I got nothing.

Outside of this, the conference is going pretty well. I've picked up a lot of info and insight from some of the sessions. The conference is in Vegas, and even though it's cold and dry I'm still hamming it up. I love Vegas in all it's tacky goodness. Even though I'm here for work it's still fun. Maybe because I get to drink quite a bit, gamble, and expense it. This is the one instance where I appreciate the corporate plantation.

Random sidebar: there are lots of hot nerds here. Ladies if you're like me and like hot guys who don't know they're hot this is where you find them. Sexy nerd heaven.

My, how times flies when you're blogging from your phone, it's finally over. Gotta go network.

Peace.

Bitchin' bout the holidays

2007-11-18T20:20:00.000-08:00

Scrooge.

I'm canceling the holidays this year. I'm not really feeling up to it, so I'm sitting this one out. I sound like a scrooge, but I'm just not into it. I don't have one of those close knit families that has holiday get togethers. When I was a kid we used to do stuff like that but since my sister and I are grown I guess there isn't an incentive anymore. For the past several years I've ended up at a friend's house on the holidays. Way to mooch off other people's family gatherings.

My mom is a nurse, so she'll prolly be working on Thanksgiving and Christmas. I won't be kicking it with Pops, we just aren't close like that. We talk every couple of weeks or so. I'll call to wish him a good one, but that's about it. My aunt is coming to town from AZ for Thanksgiving, but I don't like her so I'm none too excited about spending the holidays with her. You know how everyone has that mean auntie? That's her. Plus she's a horrible houseguest, so I'm not anxiously awaiting her arrival.

My Christmas list is very short, its about 3 people long, including myself and whoever I get stuck with for Secret Santa at work.

I guess my apathy for the holidays has to do with the fact that I don't have many good memories associated with them. It seems like bad stuff always happens around this time of year. One year my cousin died at the age of 21 on Christmas day. Another year I broke up with a serious boyfriend on Christmas. This year my sister's aunt is in a coma due to an aneurysm and her chances of surviving are slim.

Maybe if I had a child I would have a reason to be excited for the holidays. It's really for the kids. Until then, I'm going to use this time to take advantage of the holiday sales to shop for myself and get drunk at holiday parties. Self-centered? Probably so. But I don't give a shit.

Happy holidays!

Peace.

Stank no mo'

2007-11-15T21:35:00.001-08:00

Did I mention that I'm not in a stank mood anymore? Whatever funky ass mood I was in, it passed. Your comments helped, it feels good to have a couple of people out there who care enough to comment when I blog about feeling stank.

It was just a textbook case of being stressed and burnt out. Bullshit coming at me from every imaginable angle. It was really wearing me down and putting me in a really negative place. I didn't want to be in that place, but I couldn't break out of it. I had to acknowledge it, let myself feel it, and wait for it to blow over.

Just like the sunshine after a rainstorm, the stank is gone. BGI is back to her normal. 'Cause you know my normal is different from that of others.

Peace.

The pseudo, revisited

2007-11-14T19:06:00.000-08:00

Me and the former pseudo are kind of back on. I know, I know, no throwbacking. I don't have an excuse, other than the fact that we started hanging out again and eventually we started dating again.

In all honesty, I still care about him. I never stopped. That's why I was so pissed when shit went down. That's why I stopped speaking to him for awhile, because I wanted to torture him with silence. I tried to push him away. But he wouldn't go away, and I really didn't want him to. I forgave him, became friends with him again, and now we're dating again.

I don't know what's going to happen this time. I want to be optimistic and hope that things won't turn out fucked up. But in the back of my mind I always remember what happened before and how things went south. For the most part I don't focus on either; I just enjoy the time we spend together.

There's no guarantee that things will work. The same holds true for the opposite. We've addressed the issue that led to us falling out, I guess it's squashed.

On an unrelated but sort of related note, I feel like although we had our drama, our situation was good for the most part. I haven't had anything like that since. He sort of set the bar, and I haven't encountered anyone who could meet or exceed that.

I forgave, but I'll never forget. The memories of what happened before is what keeps me from falling too much. It's a struggle, because I want to, but I feel like I can't. So I have to keep a lid on it for now.

Until next time...peace.

Stank

2007-11-06T19:27:00.000-08:00

I'm in a real stank mood and I can't seem to break out of it. I want to be bubbly again, but right now it ain't happening. I guess I just have to wait for the pendulum to swing the other way.

The external circumstances around me don't help the situation. I'm beginning to hate my job, my classes are boring, and I'm broke. The light at the end of the tunnel seems to be very far away. I'm in a state of confusion when it comes to work, relationships, and the general path of my life. I guess this quarterlife crisis is hitting hard.

I manage to cope throughout this strange period. Prayer keeps me grounded and centered. I know this is just a phase and it will pass. But in the meantime I'm going through it.

What would life be if it were happy all the time? If we don't go through fucked up periods, we'll never appreciate the good things in life when we receive them. So I guess it's safe to say that I appreciate the bad along with the good.

Peace.

California Dreamin'

2007-10-27T10:33:00.000-07:00

My fucking sinuses are killing me. The Southern California air is so polluted right now, there's a thick cloud of smoke, dust, and debris hovering over us. I could imagine how those who lost their homes are suffering, but the remnants of the catastrophe affect those of us who live several miles away.

I live in the basin. The wildfires are concentrated mostly in San Bernadino County, Northern LA County, San Diego County, and Orange County, all of which are more than 20 miles away. It's like a ring of fire around Los Angeles County. Although the fires are quite a distance from the greater LA County, we are still experiencing smoke in the air and soot on our cars.

It's sprinkling today, this is the first sign of precipitation we've had in months. Hopefully we'll get a big rain storm that will wash away the polluted air. Then maybe those warnings to stay indoors will be lifted.

When I was a kid I used to have nightmares about fires. Earthquakes too. But I never thought something like this would happen. Sixteen wildfires that burned thousands of square miles, causing over $1 billion in damages.

When things like this happen I can't help but feel melancholy. Like we're living in the last days. I felt the same way after 9/11, and after Hurricane Katrina. Every couple of years there's some sort of mass destruction. The frequency of such events makes me a little afraid. I don't believe these are coincidences. I don't believe in coincidences.

I can't believe no one has said the T word yet. There is much talk of arson, but I haven't heard any speculation that the California wildfires are a possible terrorist attack. When you think about the impact - millions of displaced people, physical damage to people's home and the environment - it has the markings of a terrorist attack. A terrorist attack of this kind is especially fearful, because how can you prevent someone from starting a fire? It could have been anyone.

There is also a little bit of talk about insurance fraud. It seems timely that something like this would happen right after millions of homebuyers went into foreclosure. If your home burns down and you still owe on it, fire insurance will cover the loss.

I'm coming to terms with the fact that we're living in the last days. I feel like all I can do is do right by others, maintain a close relationship with my creator, and live my life to the fullest. I feel really sad for my state. I pray for those who were affected by these wildfires, and I wish them the best in rebuilding their lives.

Um...really? (Part II)

2007-10-21T09:36:00.000-07:00

Continued from Friday's post.

Utterly confused, I hop in my car and dip out. Halfway home Mr. NC calls. "Is everything ok? It seemed like you left all of a sudden." Wha?

I said, "everything is fine with me, are YOU ok?" He said everything was cool, but it seemed like he was upset. Instead of kicking it with him for an extended period of time, I only stayed over for a few minutes. I did tell him I had stuff to do. I mean shit, I stopped by his house right after work. I hadn't been home yet that day, and for the previous few days I had been out and about so much that I had only been in and out of the house to sleep and shower. I needed to see what was cracking at the home front. However, I didn't explain all this to him, because a) I assumed that it wasn't a problem if I wanted to leave although he wanted me to stay and b) I simply don't have to. When I say I'm getting ready to go, that's it. No questions asked.

I didn't mention to him the fact that he slammed the door in my face that day, because in the grand scheme of things it doesn't really matter. That action showed another side to the "really sweet guy" I thought he was.

I went home and chilled. I needed some me time. I watched my shows on DVR, gossiped on the phone with my girl, cleaned my bedroom, and made myself dinner. In the midst of my me time, Mr. NC called again.

NC: Hey BGI, what's up.
Me: Hey, what's up?
NC: BGI, can I tell you something?

At this point I knew something big was coming. I just wasn't sure what he was going to say.

Me (pausing): NC, before you say what you have to say, think about the impact it may have. It sounds like it may be something big.
NC (completely disregarding the warning I just gave him): Well, I just wanted to tell you that you are the woman of my dreams. I want to be with you one day, I want to be your man. Just let me know when you're ready because I'm here.
Me: I'm not ready for a relationship right now [at least not with him]. I don't want you to be in limbo waiting on me, that wouldn't be fair.
NC: Just let me know when you're ready. There's so much I want to do for you. I want to take care of you, I want to do whatever you want me to do. I want to be your superman.
Me: *silence*
NC: I know I don't have much going on right now but I need a woman like you by my side. Oh, and that thing about my dick not getting hard, that was nothing.
Me (paralyzed): Uh...

As soon as NC said "can I tell you something?" I had a feeling he was about to drop a bomb, I just wasn't sure of what he was going to say. I didn't expect that he was about to pour his heart out though.

It was pretty awkward. Obviously I don't reciprocate those feelings. Also, how does one respond to that? It was just weird all around.

After that conversation I didn't expect to hear from him again for awhile, but he called the next day. As soon as I picked up the phone he started explaining himself. He told me he was drunk when he called me and said that stuff and that he didn't really mean what he said. I sort of stopped him, trying to end the conversation right there. Because he was just digging a hole deeper and deeper for himself. I told him to stop trying to clear it up because it's not going to change the fact that he said it, and I think he's lying about being drunk. I felt really embarrassed for him. The only way we can be friends again is to sweep this one under the rug.

I think NC is a cool person for the most part, but we're just not on the same level. He's too immature for me to date, but he makes a good friend. The attraction I felt for him was physical, but when it seemed that he wasn't capable of acting upon that physical attraction, there was nothing left for me to be interested in.

But at least he got weed, though.

Um...really?

2007-10-19T19:40:00.000-07:00

Hello, and welcome again to the randomness that is my life. This is going to be a long ass post, so grab your drinks and read on. I think the last time I posted I made a reference to Mr. No Car, this really sweet guy I was seeing who has a whack ass dating resume.

I wouldn't say something like that just to be harsh. Well, I probably would but it's really true. Aside from the fact that he doesn't have a car, which is an anomaly in Los Angeles, he's sort of whack all around.

In the blink of an eye Mr. No Car has shown his ass. Let me rewind a little.

Mr. No Car and I had been hanging out on the regular for a couple months. It was all pretty much hanging out, because he never took me on a date. I suggested we go out and do something, anything, on several occasions but for some reason or another things always fell through. It didn't really matter to me, because I see other men, who I go out with all the time. I just thought it would have been nice to kick it with Mr. NC outside of the confines of his apartment.

Mr. NC is one of those "bout to" niggas. "I was about to play for the NFL, but I got hurt." Or, "I was about to start modeling for [insert famous name here], but [something] happened." Another one: "I was going to go the college, but [insert excuse here]. Damn, can you name something that you were "about" to do, that you actually achieved? I can let the first "bout to" slide, because sometimes shit happens, but I'm noticing a pattern here.

So even though I thought Mr. NC was an underachiever with no car, I still kicked it with him. There was some attraction there, so I figured I would be one of those ideal FWB* situations. Not like a pseudo-boyfriend situation, but one where both parties enjoy each others company and fuck the shit out of each other. My thinking was, well, I don't want to be with Mr. NC like that, but he's sexy. So why not keep him around for the D? I need a new ED* anyway.

It looks like I'm going to have to keep looking for that new ED. Last week, Mr. NC and I were about to get it in. We were buzzing, we had the music playing, it was about to go down. We had the foreplay action going on, the whole she-bang. Then, something happened. Or rather, something didn't happen. Let's say...how can I put this? You know what, fuck it, I'm not real good with the euphemisms...Mr. NC couldn't get it up.

We tried. I tried jacking him off, he tried eating my pussy, but he was still having difficulties. He asked me for some head but I said HELL NO, I only do that with people I actually like. You're just aiight, Mr. NC. For a second I thought I was contributing to his flaccid status, but it couldn't be, I'm way too sexy and fly for that. (Vain moment of the day.)

I wasn't about to sit there and figure out why this 27 year old man needed Viagra, so I put on my clothes and bounced.

Fast forward a week later, Mr. NC invited me over to smoke with him. Btw, this guy has no car, no money to take me out on a date, but he ALWAYS has weed. Cush, specifically. For those of you that don't partake, cush is high grade weed that is pretty costly compared to other types. Dude got money to buy weed but he can't take ya girl to Roscoe's. Damn.

Anyway, we smoked and we were chillin. I had stopped by his house after work, so I hadn't planned on staying long. After smoking and kicking with him for a spell I told him I had to go. He looked at me weird and was like, "Is everything ok?" I told him everything was cool, but I had to go. I had shit to do. I got up and he walked me to the door. I walked outside the door and turned to give him a goodbye hug. He slams the door in my face. Word?

Ok really ya'll, this is a long post. Part II tomorrow.

*FWB: friends with benefits. Hey, sometimes it works.
*ED: emergency dick in the glass. Every woman has one, whether she admits it or not.

BGI is not dead

2007-10-07T13:42:00.000-07:00

Hey ya'll, sorry for the recent lack of posts. These days I have a lot going on. I know that's an excuse, but it's the truth, I tell you. Here's an update of what's been going on with me lately:

Work
I'm looking for another job. I really like my job, but my company is unstable. We just got bought and everyone except for my department is being relocated to another state. Who's to say that our new owners won't decide to relocate my department's operations? Plus, management is very hush-hush about things that go down, and to me that's straight up fishy. There's no telling what they may spring on us. Also, every day in my inbox I see "farewell" emails. It may just be me, but I get a little nervous when there is a mass exodus of employees.

I just got promoted and I got a raise, but it only amounted to a measly $1500 increase in my salary. Yes, this is an increase to my annual salary, which only adds about $50 to $75 to my bi-monthly paycheck. My raise is eaten alive by taxes. So to me, the raise didn't mean much. Especially considering the amount of work I've taken on since being promoted. I'm doing the job of two people.

I've been working at this job for a little over a year, and my goal was to establish history somewhere and gain more marketing experience. I've met that goal, but I don't feel that I'm adequately compensated for the amount of work I do. During my review my boss made it clear that the raise she gave me was the maximum that I would receive. So even though the amount of work I'm responsible for is steadily increasing, my compensation is stagnant.

Men
On to other things...I met a guy I really like. He's super sweet, cool, smart, fun to be around, and he's good arm candy. Has a job, full set of teeth, and no kids. He respects me and cares about my well-being. The only thing is that he doesn't have a car.

He has his own place, but no wheels. Funny thing, because I'm the exact opposite. Brand new whip and still at my mom's crib. The material girl in me turns her nose up at Mr. No Car, but I can't help but like him. Mr. No Car is the nicest guy I've met in a long time. He calls when he says he is, treats me like a queen, he even brought ya girl medicine when she was sick. There aren't many guys out there, with or without wheels, that would do that.

Why o why did Mr. No Car come along just when I finally became happy being single? He is someone I could really see myself being with. I'm afraid of falling in love with him. I don't know if I got all the hoochie mama out of my system yet. He's mentioned to me on several occasions that he wants to be with me. But I don't know if I'm ready. *Sigh*

My Usual Man Issues
Throwbacks are resurfacing. Maybe since the holidays are approaching, the trifling fucks are reminiscing and reaching out. My ex, who I was with for 2 1/2 years until he cheated on me and then blamed me for his stepping outside our relationship, hit me up. We've texted back and forth but I'm none too interested in anything he's talking about. The former pseudo also stays in contact. We're friends, but he yearns for what we once had. I can't give that to him anymore. I'm thinking about sending out a memo cc'ing all the throwbacks telling them to please remain in the past because their continued presence is no longer wanted in my life.

Peace.

Five mo' to go

2007-09-29T07:55:00.001-07:00

I'm beginning to see a hint of muscle definition in my abs. So far I'm working with a one pack. Only five more to go...

Joy of Cooking feat. BGI

2007-09-27T10:59:00.000-07:00

I'm experiencing an overload of creativity right now. I'm exploring various outlets to release this energy. Lately one of my outlets has been cooking. BGI has been in the kitchen whipping it up! On weekend mornings I tune into the food channel. Watching so many episodes of "Paula's Home Cooking" and "Semi-Homemade Cooking with Sandra Lee" inspire me to get my hands dirty in the kitchen. I never thought of myself as the domestic type but I really enjoy cooking.

Depending on what you're making it can be a lot of work, but its still fun. The final product is worth it. There's nothing better than making something really good and nourishing the bodies of those you care about. It gives me a sense of accomplishment when people compliment my meals.

A lot more goes into cooking than seasoning up some meat, popping it in the oven and serving it over a bed of rice. Of course, sometimes that's all there is to it, but other times there's more to it. Think about how different flavors meld together, how temperature affects your creation, marinating, mixing flavors, baking, broiling, grilling...there's so much you can do.

Another thing is that preparing your own food gives you ultimate control over what you put into your body. I mean, you always have control, but do you want to choose from the selections presented by some disgruntled Taco Bell employee, or do you want to take control? I don't know about ya'll but TB always gives me the bubbleguts. I still eat it sometimes though. What can I say? Fast food is my weakness.

Random sidebar: remember the rumor that Taco Bell uses kangaroo meat in their restaurants? Or was that Jack in the Box? Damn, I can't remember which one it is. Too many rumors of unethical food practices for me to keep up with.

To bring it all in: cooking is fun, fast food may give you the bgs but it's still good, and making your own food is healthier for your body.

Peace.

I'm officially an adult now...

2007-09-18T19:30:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I turned 25. I've been caught up in the birthday celebration hoopla for the past week or so, but now that it's over reality has begun to set in. I rang in my new year with a night on the town on Saturday, a beach bonfire on Sunday, and a party at the Monday Night Football spot yesterday. I had a good ass time.

By the way, the bonfire was fantastic! My fam was representing, old and new friends came out, we had burgers, links, liquor, herb, music, people...we even had my friend's neighbor, the random white middle aged dude, cranking the soulja boy and doing the cupid shuffle on the beach. Hilariosity. Superman that hoe, Dave! It was kind of like watching Napoleon Dynamite's uncle get down.

Thankfully this birthday was drama free (I'm sure we all remember last year) and spent with my loved ones. It was so good to see some of my family members and friends who I haven't seen in ages come out for my bonfire. It felt great that they came out to see me for my special day. That meant more to me than any material gifts.

In a way I feel like I made some some kind of milestone when I made 25. Like I made the transition from being a girl into a woman. Or, I should say the transition from a girl-woman to a full-fledged woman. I believe that females evolve from girlhood to womanhood in stages.

Although I feel like an official adult now, I'm still a big kid at heart. I watch bad tv, I eat cereal for dinner (like, three times a week!), and I drink my chocolate milk with a spoon. I do that one in private, though.

Peace ya'll.

100th Post

2007-09-13T21:08:00.000-07:00

Wow, I made 100! How am I supposed to commemorate that? Let's see...go me! It only took me a year and a half to make the 100 mark.

I want to take a moment to thank my readership (however many there are of you out there), my regular commenters (you know who you are), and all lurkers. I'm a lurker too. It's all love.

Admittedly I go through these weird phases when I have so much stuff going on in my head that I can't get it out onto the dashboard but I love blogging and I love writing. Thank you all for taking the time to read my thoughts, no matter how odd they may seem.

Peace ya'll.

Oh, is that right?

2007-09-11T19:44:00.000-07:00

I couldn't really think of a title for my random thoughts today.

Ya girl is going to be 25 next Monday. My birthday came around much faster than expected. I'm excited for it though. I'm planning a beach bonfire for my special day. A small gathering with friends and family. My mom is going to be pissed, because she's on potato salad duty, and initially I told her that I planned on only having 10-15 guests. So far it's looking like 20 or so. Oops.

I'm having a little trouble finding a birthday outfit. I'm so indecisive. Nothing has really piqued my interest. I have an idea of what I want, but I just haven't found it. Funny, I experience the same thing in my dating life.

In the past seven days I've had the craziest dreams. One dream included Jay-Z setting me up with Ludacris, another one with me hanging out with Kanye West, and another with me shooting at my sister with a rifle gun. I need to stop firing up the greenery before nighty-night.

Fashionista Diaries is my new favorite show. Obviously, I'm rooting for team Janjay. She is the most competent between her and her colleague.

I'm so not the typical Virgo. Well, in some ways I am, because I'm very prissy, a bit of a diva, and I have a demure persona with a secret wild side. But I'm kind of messy, disorganized, and ADD-ish. I'm a little daring and spontaneous, with a touch of recklessness. Not at all uptight, but definitely conscientious. I'm all over the place.

I haven't blogged about my dating life much lately, because I thought it was bad luck. But I think not blogging about it is bad luck. It's been a lot going on like ya'll wouldn't believe! I need to update you on that. I don't even know where to begin. Yes, it's like that...

I'll put it to you like this -- I'm playing the field again and it's nothing nice. I'm a monster when it comes to these dudes. She's back with plenty of stories to tell.

Play on, players. Peace.

Da Randomness...

2007-08-31T20:19:00.000-07:00

Is it me or was this a blink-and-you-miss-it summer? This shit went by hella fast. I've been having fun though. I speak of it in past tense because after labor day weekend its pretty much fall. Except out here, where it'll be hot until Halloween.

Becks is out. How is it that this fool fucks up his knee and still gets paid a gazillion dollars? If it sounds like I'm hating, its because I am.

My birthday is in 2 weeks! After a lot of thought I decided I'm going to have a beach bonfire. You know its going to be a celebration that entire weekend. Yes!

Tomorrow is my first tea party. I'm super excited about it! The place I'm going is a real Victorian tea house and we're having lemon bars, brownies, scones, quiche, chocolate covered strawberries, cucumber sandwiches, the whole deal. I kind of feel like a lady who lunches.

I've been thinking about writing a book. I have a grip of ideas and I want to get them out there. I feel the pull and it's getting stronger. I feel like I don't know where to start, but I guess the first step is to get started.

Damn it's too hot to blog. I'm out.

Only in the 'hood: Friday afternoon coonery

2007-08-24T16:35:00.000-07:00

I seem to witness the most random shit on a regular basis. Case in point: I'm in line at the car wash waiting to get the whip shined up, and what pulls up behind me but a pink Impala with Lamborghini doors? If that wasn't bad enough, this heffa had a pink boa lining the dashboard, pink furry seat covers, and pink rims. Why must I cry?

At least they weren't spinners. I would have died right then and there.

Oh, but it gets better. The driver was blasting Lil' Boosie's "Wipe Me Down." When that song went off, the next track was "Ay Bay Bay." Who wants the bet that the next track on the playlist was "Crank That Soulja Boy"?

I'm sure you're thinking that the owner of this vehicle is prolly some young girl who has been overexposed to BET. But no! The person that hopped out the car had to be at least 30. I would guesstimate between 30-35. Damn shame.

She was coordinated with the car, though. She had on black pants, a pink and black polka dot top, and false eyelashes. She looked like a ghetto Minnie Mouse. Despite all this, she was a really nice, approachable person. She offered me and the guy next to me car freshener (I politely declined) and struck up a convo with the person next to me. After ear hustlin' for 5 minutes I learned that Minnie was the Assistant Manager at the grocery store, that the lamborghini doors costed $900 (what a fucking waste!), and that the car had not only been repainted several times, but it has been vandalized several times too. No! Seriously? It's unfathomable why someone would vandalize that eyesore.

Also amusing was that another Impala pulled up, but this one was red and white racer striped with red rims. Definitely not a car that you would want to drive in some neighborhoods. Now that I think about it, this driver may have accidentally drove in the wrong 'hood, because he had on an eye patch. The Blood-mobile wasn't fucking with Minnie Mouse though. Wipe me down.

Bitch Please

2007-08-20T18:01:00.000-07:00

The "bitch please" moment of the day is brought to you by...this heffa right here. Maybe I'm just mean, but I don't feel sorry for her. Or her son.

I'm not at all sympathetic when it comes to someone who not only comes to the US illegally and commits identity theft, but as a taxpayer I'm probably supporting this bitch and her offspring? Uh, no.

And I'm about to go there, but you know that if this was a black immigrant, her, her kids, and her mama 'nem would have been on the first thing smoking out of this country. Haitian refugees, anyone?

I bet if I went to Mexico and got caught stealing something, they would send my black ass back to my native country. No question.

It's probably clear that I'm not a supporter of open immigration. I live in LA, where there are a shitload of illegals. Illegals who are driving around with no car insurance causing accidents, committing crimes, and causing more overcrowding in an already overcrowded city.

My thing is, if you want to live in the US, why not do it the legal way like everyone else? Instead of sneaking across the border and having babies, and then claiming that you can't leave because your child is a citizen? Way to take advantage of the Constitution.

Most of us are immigrants in some form. Some of us were brought to this country involuntarily. But we're here legally, while others aren't. If you want to live in the US, get that paperwork started, homegirl. I don't mind you being here, hell, diversity makes things a bit more interesting. But don't fucking come over here illegally, steal people's identity, and then act like you're entitled to stay.

Bitch please.

So Krispy

2007-08-19T14:29:00.000-07:00

"I'm so krispy, I'm so krispy..." I'm not Kia Shine but I'm crispy as hell right now. I'm super sunburned. I went from honey golden brown to red brown. Yesterday I went to Lake Elsinore to go jetskiing. I had so much fun! It was a thousand fucking degrees out there...well it was really 105, but shit that's close enough.

Not only did I hop on a jet ski for the first time, I took the reins and drove it myself. I had a ball out there. I almost fell over a few times when the water got rough, and my tailbone hurts like hell from all the bouncing on the jet ski. It was all worth the experience though.

I also drove the speedboat around the lake. I was Captain BGI! Driving a boat is just like driving a car. Except you can stand up. And its a much rougher ride. But its just like driving a car. It's like driving a Deville.

It think I may have found a new interest. It's not something I'll be able to do often, but its something I would definitely do again given the opportunity.

Relaxation Vacation

2007-08-04T14:11:00.000-07:00

I'm on vacation from work until next Tuesday. How excited am I? I'm not taking a trip anywhere, but I'm using this time off to get some much needed rest. I was exhausted and it was beginning to manifest itself in my performance, so I knew it was time for a break.

I'm also taking an impromptu break from life...well, as much as I can. I know I can't get completely away since I didn't go out of town. But I want to spend as much time relaxing as possible. I haven't made any plans to do anything. It feels weird to not have anything to do. Naturally I feel like I should find something to do. I can't stay confined to the house, I may lose my marbles.

This may be a good time to get back to things I really enjoy. Sometimes I get so caught up in everyday life that I tend to diverge from that. Yesterday I went walking on the nature trail at my college. It was so relaxing and peaceful to get some exercise outdoors and enjoy nature. I haven't done that in so long. I usually work out in the gym. Today I plan on eating junk all day and tonight I'm going to a bar/lounge with a friend I haven't seen in awhile. Tomorrow will be family day. Maybe we'll go catch a flick or something. Monday...I don't have any plans so far. Which is probably a good thing.

Have a good weekend peoples!

Peace.

Pondering the Proposition

2007-07-26T19:14:00.000-07:00

The ex-pseudo has been hitting me up on the regular these days. We've been kicking it a little bit on the friendship tip. It's been cool. Although he fucked me over on my birthday last year, over time we became cool again and eventually became friends. This negro threw me for a loop yesterday though.

Yesterday when we were talking on the phone he passively mentioned that he was going through a dry spell, and I suggested he get back out in the dating field. He said he wasn't really interested in doing that, a couple of reasons being that he wants to focus on work and he just doesn't really feel like dealing with a lot of the chicks he encounters. Understandable. So I said, as a joke, "well maybe you should go buy some." He was like, "I'm not about to do that," and blah blah blah. So then he said maybe we can start getting up again. I told him no, because I'm seeing someone right now. He responds with: "well maybe we can set up a business arrangement."

Business arrangement huh? From what I gathered dude wants some kind of thing going with me where we hang out, kick it, and fuck each other. But he wants to pay me for it.

I'm not going to lie and say that I'm not thinking about it. I had never actively considered having a sugar daddy. I'm a womanist, and I don't believe in using your body as a commodity to be bought and sold, but dammit if this offer isn't tempting. I already dated the guy before, the sex was fantastic, and things were going fine between us until he fucked that off. The only difference between then and now would be that the former pseudo would now be my sugar daddy.

Is it wrong to have a sugar daddy? People look down on women who use men for money, but in all honesty I've always been in awe of women like that. I found it intriguing how they could use their womanly wiles to get what they want from men. And if you want keep it really real, aren't we all bought and sold on some level? Think about how you spend 40 plus hours per week.

I think the important thing is to maintain control over your body and stay within your comfort zone. I think it becomes a problem when you get to the point where you feel like you're selling yourself out and/or you're doing things that you really don't want to do with people you really don't want to do it with. In my situation I was on the fence about fucking with the pseudo again, but the presidential faces definitely offer an incentive.

The litmus test is: do you feel like you're compromising your integrity? Do you still respect yourself after you're done? Because you can fuck someone without them giving you anything at all and feel very shitty afterward.

I may be met with a lot of disagreement on this one, but these are just my thoughts. Peace.

Press Your Luck

2007-07-24T21:10:00.000-07:00

Me and Moms were in Tar-jay at the checkout line when she noticed the August issue of Essence on the news stand. The headline on the cover screamed: "Black Men Want to Meet You! We found 60 SINGLE Doctors, Ministers, Millionaires, and a Prince for YOU. Email them, p. 99." We totally mocked the headline. My initial thought was, damn, do the editors think black women are that desperate?

I already received my August issue in the mail last week. However, mine had Tyler Perry on the cover :-(. I wasn't lucky enough to get the hot guy cover. I had already thumbed through the hot guy spread, but I didn't pay much attention to it.

I began to think, what would happen if I actually sent one of them an email? Would he respond? The curiosity in me said fuck it, try your luck. So I'm going to send Braylon Edwards' fine ass an email and hope hit hits me back. He probably won't, but it would be interesting if I got a response. Wish me luck people. I need some football D in my life.

Peace.

*** BREAKING NEWS UPDATE:

Why did the muthafuckin' email bounce back when I sent it? This is some bullshit! Essence, you are full of ca ca! Now I have to hope I run into him at the club. And it's hard for a classy young woman such as myself to compete with these LA hoochies. *Sighing*

Freestyle Thoughts

2007-07-19T20:07:00.001-07:00

I try not to let too much time pass between posts, but I've been slippin'. I've been having a little bit of writers' block lately. I think it may be passing. Just to let everyone know, I'm still alive.

I'm so tired I can't even speak. Like literally, I haven't spoken two words since I got off work @ 5pm. I wonder can I go the rest of the day without having to use my voice?

My supervisor suggested I take a couple of vacation days. Is it that obvious? I'm not an office martyr by any means, but I've been on the grind training for my new position.

I don't know if I mentioned, but I'm getting a promotion. I'm transitioning from lowly Marketing Administrative Assistant to a-little-less-than-lowly Internet Marketing Coordinator. Go me.

On a different note, I love this woman. She is my guru. She's like the seemingly demure aunt who has a shitload of life game. What's not to love about a woman who coined the term "dickmatized" and speaks upon the power of the penis? And she's on myspace too. I'm going to send her a friend request.

Speaking of the power of the penis, I have kinda-bf. I didn't want to write about this person to soon, not knowing how long he was going to be around but it's been six weeks now. I guess I can speak on him now. Now that I'm speaking on him I don't have much to say. I'm going to say that's a good thing, considering how many guys I've blasted on this blog. Check the archives if you don't know.

You can email me now. I know, I'm hella late with this. Hit ya girl up: blackgirlinterrupted04@yahoo.com.

Peace.

Ya girl got a new ride!

2007-07-05T18:21:00.000-07:00

The Sentra was turning into a hoopty. The car had some body damage, the transmission was on its way to heaven, and the damn shit acted like it didn't want to accelerate no matter how much I baby-talked it with the pedal to the floor. I had the car for three years. It was an '03 but it looked and drove like I had it for five or ten. It was time for that piece of junk metal to exit stage left. Think about it - how many Nissan Sentras do you see on the road that are more than five years old? If you do its in the slow lane on the freeway or on the side of the road getting a jump.

My own Mama, who pitches a fit every time I even breathe a word about either moving out or buying a new car, even told me after riding in the Sentra on the way to the mall on Tuesday, "Girl, you need to get another car. I don't think this one is going to make it to Saturday." I wasn't actively thinking about getting another car...it was something I would have liked but it wasn't on my to-do list for the immediate future. I said, damn if she's telling me I need a new car, I should consider it.

The first issue I was confronted with was money. My savings are paltry because I insist on having a life. I didn't have a down payment. All I had was that raggedy ass Sentra. I literally went down to Schaier's Nissan in Signal Hill on a wing and a prayer.

I went down, perused the lot, and test drove the 2007 Nissan Altima. I don't know any other way to describe that car other than sexy and fabulous. Perfect for me. It complements me. ;-)

I fell in love during the test drive. I'm not even an Altima fan, I originally wanted a Murano. But this car has power everything, MP3 and blue tooth hookups, it's spacious, sleek...I was smitten. I chose precision grey, between silver and charcoal grey.

Then came the talk of numbers. Somehow I negotiated with the dealer to postdate the down payment over my next two pay periods. And apparently I was in good standing with the finance company because I paid the car note on the Sentra in full and on-time every month, so I got approved for another loan with ease. And, I found out that my credit score was up 30 points from the last time I checked it six months ago. I walked in that piece with no money and walked out in two hours with a brand new car! If I don't have a testimony, then I don't know what it is. God is good!

You know I thought I was the shiznit walking out of there. Couldn't tell me nothin! The car draws so much attention. And I look fabulous driving it. When I was driving down the street I got a lot of looks, and this morning on my way to work this cute guy was driving next to me looking all up in my car! I mean like this negro's body was turned and his head was out the window. Lol. Was he checking for me? The car? Both?

If I don't leave my readership with anything else from this post, I want to express the importance of paying bills on time. Your credit rating matters so much. If your shit is bad you can't get a car, you can't get a place to live, you can't even get a damn phone. Well, you can but it's going to cost you. Prioritize, pay your shit, and save dough!

I sound like a ghetto Suze Orman. I like my quote. I'm copyrighting that shit right now.

Damn did I curse and praise God in one post? I told ya'll I was a heathen. Peace ya'll.

Happy 4th Ya'll!

2007-07-04T18:08:00.001-07:00

I hope everyone is having a fantastic holiday and enjoying this break in the middle of the week. I for one am. I've been just hanging out with my friends and family. Oddly enough moms isn't barbecuing this year, so we've making the rounds at everyone else's house, lol.

Stay cool, stay safe, stay up.

Peace.

Sex, Ice Cream, and Peruvian Food

2007-07-01T19:53:00.000-07:00

If I had to describe my day in five words or less, there it is.

Celibacy is over. I had all intentions of refraining from men and sex for at least 30 days but that only lasted 3 weeks. I'm glad I gave up celibacy because I was really about to blow a gasket. The person with whom I decided to give up celibacy for is a really great person and I don't regret breaking the vow with him.

I pigged out this weekend. Friday I went to happy hour at this Cuban spot in Downtown LA. I ate a sampler of appetizers ranging from empanadas, plantain chips, and tamales with ham, corn and peas. I ate Peruvian food two days in a row. Last night my friend and I spontaneously decided to eat at a Peruvian restaurant. I dined on lomo saltado with chicken. It was absolutely delicious. Today my best friend and I went to a different spot (we made plans earlier this week to go today) and I had the lomo saltado again this time with tri tip steak. I think the dish is better with steak.

After dinner today I got ice cream. Double scoop of chocolate chip. I did not make it to the gym at all this weekend. This week I plan on doing at least four days of cardio. Three days @ the gym and one night at the club.

This weekend's theme was indulgence. I feel full and satisfied.

Damn, its been a minute...

2007-06-12T20:36:00.000-07:00

It's been awhile since I've blogged, but the month of June has been quite interesting so far. I decided to go on dating hiatus this month. I got a little inspiration from this post on Southern Lady's blog. I haven't given up on dating completely, but I've definitely reassessed the way I approached dating situations.

An integral part of the June dating hiatus is focusing on myself and what I want. Instead of worrying about these crazy men out here, the bulk of my energy goes to mental, spiritual, and intellectual growth, as well as focusing on my career and having a good ass time doing whatever I'm doing. My goal is to work on self, be the best I can be, and live life to the fullest.

Achieving that goal includes ridding my life of people who aren't good for me. Closing the door on past relationships has done wonders for my psyche. It's not always easy to get rid of the hangers on but it's a necessary evil. They say, "if you're always looking back you can't move forward."

Another central part of the dating hiatus is celibacy. I promised myself that I will be celibate for the entire month of June. That part is really hard, because I appreciate a good piece of pipe. I had been abstaining from sex since May 18 (by default) but the celibacy thing became official on May 31. June seemed like a good time to do it since its smack dab in the middle of the year. I go through these renewal stages every few months or so where I reflect on where I am, where I want to be, what's working for me, and what isn't.

A period of abstinence is good for me because I can really get to know people and spend time with them in a non-sexual way. I always say I want people to respect me and like me for who I am. Sex tends to get in the way of that sometimes.

Btw, for someone who is supposed to be on a dating hiatus, I've been dating a lot. This past weekend I went on 3 dates. Yes, three. That's a record for the most dates in one weekend. I was tired as shit by Sunday night. Two of the three dates were with old friends with whom I reconnected. On each date the gentlemen treated me with the utmost respect and we had a good time. Admittedly, I lost quite a bit of faith in the male gender and some of that was restored this weekend. It was good to observe firsthand that there are some still good men out there. I always knew that there were, but it had just been awhile since I encountered them.

I'm a believer that giving up less of yourself leads to better results with men. I personally think a man who is truly interested in a woman will take the time and get to know her even if sex is not involved. If you want something that's longer lasting, whether it be a friendship or otherwise, the clothes must stay on. I don't mean to sound preachy but that's real talk. I mean, if you want to do the thang, go ahead and do what you do. I'm just saying what's working for me. I recommend it.

Peace ya'll.

Feast or famine...right now it's famine like a mug

2007-05-30T18:33:00.000-07:00

My life pretty much consists of work, work, work, classes, hanging out with the girls, spending time with fam...I have a pretty full plate in front of me. But my romantic life is virtually nonexistent. I have absolutely no dating prospects. I have one friend I would date, but the timing is bad. He has lots of potential but he has the mindset of a teenage boy and I'm not digging that. For that reason he remains in the friend zone.

Lack of romance usually doesn't affect me much. I appreciate my solitude, I'm happy with my life and with who I am. I also feel that I'm much better off alone rather than dating some of the guys who cross my path. Seriously, most of them aren't worth a damn. Over the past few years I have encountered very few quality men.

It's not as if I'm one of those diva chicks who has unrealistically high standards and therefore no man is worth being in her presence. My only materialistic qualifications are that a guy should have a job, a car, and be ambitious and well groomed. To me, it's more important that the guy I date treats me with respect, is generous and open minded, fun, easy to talk to, and can fuck the shit out of me and make me scream for Jesus. Most other things are negotiable.

It's so surprising to me how many men there are out there who act like it is impossible to treat a woman with respect (see here, here, here, and here too...damn! Just read the archives.) Respect is one quality that is absolutely non-negotiable. If a man can't respect me then we shouldn't see each other. I think that's why I have no dating prospects. When someone doesn't respect me, I show him the door. I do give them the chance to redeem themselves, but I only give so many chances to come correct. I'm not going to continually let someone treat me bad.

I have to admit that much of my dating drought is self-imposed. It's not as if I don't meet people. I meet men all the time. It's just that most of the ones I meet aren't right for me. Often times they aren't even people I would want to be friends with. I don't want a man just to have one. I want to be with someone who is right for me.

I'm sure the right person for me is out there. I guess right now I'm coming to terms with the fact that I'm becoming ready to settle down, but most of the men in my age group aren't. I don't dwell on the fact that I'm single. I don't feel sorry for myself. I'm happy with my life. It would just be nice to have someone to share things with. I'm a woman, it's perfectly normal for me to feel this way.

An upside to not dating anyone is that it allows me to heal and dispose of the excess baggage left behind from past relationships. I haven't had a real relationship in over two years, but dammit some of the people I've dated since then have created some serious emotional baggage. But I've learned a lot, and I'll be emotionally ready for Mr. Right when I meet him.

What's cracking this weekend, girl?

2007-05-25T19:25:00.000-07:00

This weekend kicks off the unofficial start to summer. Events, people coming to town, parties...there's a lot going on Memorial Day weekend in the City of Angels. In addition to holiday weekend events, my best friend's birthday is this weekend, and one of my college buddies is graduating from her master's program @ Long Beach State tomorrow. She's having a grad party tomorrow after the ceremony. Too many things to do, not enough time!

My tenative plan for the weekend is as follows:

Tonight (Friday) - study and complete assignments for my classes. Later on this evening spend some time with my friend...I would dish a little more about him but I need to think of a pseudonym for him (shutup RP!). Don't worry, I'll be sure to dedicate an entire post (maybe two!) detailing the situation with this one. Here's a little bit of a spoiler: we've been really close friends for several years and for some reason we never took things further than a platonic friendship. Lately it seems like things are progressing...

Saturday - car wash, mani/pedi, gym (hopefully), and get hair done. May need to hit up the mall. Saturday night go to my friend's grad party or go out with the girls.

Sunday - brunch w/my best friend, spend time w/the fam, then after the sun goes down hit up a Memorial Day party. Going out on a Sunday just because I can!

Monday - UCLA Reggae Festival. This will entail exorbitant amounts of cush, Jamaican beer, and hollering at random negroes who serve for no other purpose other than to give me things to write about in my blog.

That's it for now ya'll. I'm sure over the next few days I will have quite a bit to write about. Be safe, be cool.

Peace.

Wallet on fire

2007-05-19T12:25:00.000-07:00

I'm fortunate enough to have been blessed with a windfall, but I don't know what to do with it. Obviously part of it automatically goes into savings, but now I have a little extra dough and I don't know what to do with it. I paid my bills for the month already so I have a little to burn. Just a little.

My first mind said to go shopping for some clothes, get a mani/pedi, maybe a facial, or go ahead and splurge on the body polish package I've been eyeing at the day spa. Or maybe I can put myself ahead on my bills. I have other things I need but I've been procrastinating on -- getting my passport, a few things for the car, buying work clothes.

I guess the best thing to do is prioritize and decide what's most important right now. Take care of the most important stuff first and do what I want with what's left over.

I'm about to get dressed and hit the mall. Peace. ;-)

Maybe I'm Just Not Into You...

2007-05-12T19:55:00.000-07:00

Last night was the date with FAREB. If I had to summarize it in one sentence, I would say that I don't think we'll be seeing each other anymore.

Brief overview of the date: we went to the movies and saw Disturbia. Pretty good movie if you like thrillers.

I think its safe to say that I don't think FAREB is that interested in getting to know me. We made small talk during the ride to and from the theater, and all he talked about was himself. Namely, how he was going to trade in his Infiniti truck for a Mercedes two seater, how he can't wait to get new furniture for his loft apartment, and how he was going to have a crackin' ass birthday party next month. *Yawn* The only time he seemed really interested in anything I had to say was when it pertained to why I wasn't all over him. Yes, he seriously said that to me.

When he drove me back to my car we hugged, and he said to me, "You know, I'm starting to question the chemistry between us."

"Why?" I asked. "Is it because I'm not all over you trying to hump your leg?" (I was being sarcastic.)

"Well...yea," he said.

"Are you seriously used to women who are all over you?" I said.

"Yea. I think its strange that you're not."

"Well, I don't know any other way to say this than to say that I don't operate like that. We've only gone out on two dates and spent time together a total of three times. I don't think that warrants too much physical contact. Plus, I'm not the type of person who is going to be all over someone I don't really know. I don't sweat anyone."

I was met with a blank look. So I said, "Well I'm going to let you marinate on that. Have a good night."

I called him when I got home to let him know I made it and he didn't answer. Nor did he call me back at all today. I don't think I'm going to hear from him again.

That's fine with me. Last night I realized that I didn't really like FAREB. Sure he's hot and successful, but he has the personality of a bag o' nickels. His attitude detracts from his looks and I found myself becoming less and less attracted to him the more I got to know him. I don't even want to do him anymore because he kept asking me why I wasn't on his jock. He may have been able to get it if he would have stopped asking for it. He needs a woman who is going to continuously tell him how great he is, who has no self esteem of her own and who spends all her time showering him with attention.

I hope he finds what he's looking for.

Peace.

Getting up with FAREB this weekend...

2007-05-10T19:46:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow I have a date with FAREB. Mr. "I don't like taking people out on dates because I don't know where things are going to go." How about a nice refreshing glass of shut the fuck up? You're taking me out. If you didn't do the dating thing before you're about to start now.

The plan is to catch a movie and maybe play a few games of pool. He claims that he will whoop off on me in a game of billiards but I know I can bring that negro to his knees (not just in pool ;-)). I'm always up for friendly competition mixed with a little sexual tension so it will be fun.

I ain't gon lie. I want him butt naked on top of me asking me how I like it. I guess I have a thing for assholes. Especially assholes with nice pecs and abs. But I like assholes who are sweet to me. He can be an asshole to the world but treat me like a queen.

I can't really say right now where I want things to go with FAREB. Sometimes I think he's cool, other times he's a jerk who can go fuck himself. Eh. We'll see what happens.

Peace.

Monday's Melancholy

2007-05-07T21:11:00.000-07:00

It feels like a fucking sauna. The sun has long set and I'm sitting here at my keyboard sweating like a runaway slave. It's gonna be a hot ass summer.

I don't feel like doing anything. I have some studying to do, I'm supposed to be looking for an excel class, and my room can stand a little cleaning. But I don't wanna. I need a mental break. At the same time I feel restless. I'm all over the place aren't I?

If nothing else I had a productive day at work. I accomplished quite a bit today. For awhile I felt like I had hit a wall in my position but recently my job responsibilities expanded. I'm doing work that is interesting and very important, so now I feel like I'm relevant to my company.

My goal is to learn as much as I can and advance as far as I can within my company and then move on. I love working in marketing but I don't foresee myself marketing insurance forever. Thankfully the skills I'm learning can be utilized in nearly any industry.

My career is going well but my romantic life is crap. It's virtually nonexistent. It seems like when one area of my life is going well, other areas tend to falter a little. E is completely out of the picture. FAREB is still a pretentious jerk, whose asshole-ness turns me off more and more whenever we talk. The pseudo is trying to make a comeback but I'm not interested in dating him anymore (check my angry rant about the pseudo here).

I think I need to start fresh and purge all the worthless fools from my dating rolodex. Thankfully I don't have a problem meeting people -- I just have a problem meeting quality men. They are pretty scarce.

It's really hard out there but I'm staying optimistic. I'm learning to not waste my time with certain types of people even if that means being alone for awhile. I can't allow my life to be crowded with bullshit.

Peace.

Random work musings...on my off day

2007-05-05T17:56:00.000-07:00

I've had a hellish week. Words cannot express how happy I am to get some time to relax and do absolutely nothing except for what I want to do.

Work is a beast. Someone quit on our web team so I've been picking up the slack. I'm doing my own job as well as someone else's. Well, I guess I'm not simply "picking up the slack" since I was informed yesterday that the duties that I've been undertaking are permanent. I think that deserves a new job title. My company doesn't really use formal job titles, so I guess I'll have to make up my own.

I should make it clear that I have absolutely no experience in web marketing so I'm getting a crash course. I'm a total newbie to the web marketing game. I have to be honest, I didn't think I would be that interested in web marketing but the more I'm learning about it the more I'm interested. E-commerce is what's up so there are definite career possibilities in this field. The skills I'm learning on the job are invaluable and I'm thankful that I'm given the opportunities that I've received. I can take what I'm learning and apply it to any area of business. I've taken on quite a bit of responsibility since being on my job for all of 9 months. I'm documenting it all so that when the time comes for my annual review I can ask for a raise.

My goal is to learn as much as I can and move up as much as I can within my company. Once I get to the point where I'm stagnant that means its time for me to move on.

Random ass shit...a new guy had been hired for our web team and he stayed with us for about a month. He called his supervisor on Friday to resign. I think he left her a voicemail. Sidebar: what kind of shit is that? Have the decency to give your employer at least two weeks notice. Tacky. Anyway, dude resigned because he decided that he wanted to pursue his passion full time. He wants to pursue a career as a bounty hunter. Bounty hunter. Like Dog the Bounty Hunter. Are you fucking kidding me?

That shit is mad random. I really don't get how someone can go from web marketing to a bounty hunter. But, to each his own. I'm all for pursuing one's passion. I wouldn't want anyone to knock me for wanting to pursue my dream of being the next greatest female DJ. How does DJ Diva sound?

Peace.

In my mind...

2007-04-26T19:35:00.000-07:00

I have a bit of randomness on my mind today.

I'll start with the fact that I faked my way through work today. Ya girl was totally non-productive. I've been superwoman at work for the past 2 months, and methinks I'm starting to get burnt out. I think its time for me to take a personal day and I need to plan a vacation ASAP.

Today I self-diagnosed myself with PMDD. I mean, it could be the only rational reason why I'm a moody, raging bitch for 14 days out of the month right? My BFF says its because I'm a Virgo, and we only have two sides - the nice, sweet side...and then the harsh, mean, kinda sadistic evil side. I'm gonna go with D. All of the above.

Since I self-diagnosed, I need to self-medicate. My supplier is low on product, so I'm gonna go with a new guy. I've never consumed his product before so I hope its quality.

Real talk, when I feel like I'm gonna go outta my head the remedy is to light up. Marijuana seriously calms my nerves. To most its a recreational drug, but to me it soothes my anxiety and nervousness. It beats the alternatives. I'd rather light up than pop a Xanax ANY day.

I use it recreationally, too. It's multipurpose!

I need to do some spring shopping. I've been picking up items here and there, but I want some dresses. I absolutely always wear pants and I want to wear dresses for spring and summer. I also need cute, comfy sandals to wear to work. I'll go window shopping this weekend and browse the Internet for inspiration.

I'm supposed to meet my girls for Margarita night. I promised to make it to Inglewood before halftime of the Lakers/Suns game. It's the first quarter right now and I'm sitting here blogging. I have not made a move to get ready yet.

Peace ya'll.

Do You Know What Today Is?

2007-04-22T14:12:00.000-07:00

It's my bloggerversary. It's my bloggerversary! Da-da-da-da-da-daaaaa.

One year ago today I decided to start a blog. It mainly started because I like reading blogs and I was like, "Ooohh, I want one!" I'm very opinionated and I have a lot on my mind and I needed an outlet. Blogging has proven to be therapeutic for me. I love the process of memorializing my thoughts and putting them out there for people to give me feedback. It's like therapy without paying hundreds of dollars to a therapist who is basically a sounding board for things that you already know deep down. I'm thankful for the people who take the time out to check me out and leave comments (although I've been slipping when it comes to updating regularly, but I'm working on that). I've run across some good blogs and although I'm a perpetual lurker, best believe that I take the time to check out everyone on my blog roll in addition to others that I link to from blogs that I visit regularly.

So I'm celebrating. If I can find some cannibus today I'll light one up to celebrate. I'm trying to locate my supplier as I write. Yes. I'm trading in one vice for another. In an attempt to cut back on my alcohol intake I've increased my consumption of the Cali green. Hey, its good for you. It's from the earth. Not too processed. One day very soon I'll dedicate an entire post to the virtues of marijuana.

So to all my readership, it's a celebration bitch!

I Hate Vain Men

2007-04-21T21:18:00.000-07:00

I really do. I have an issue with men who are overly into themselves. Truthfully I have an issue with people who are overly into themselves.

This issue has arisen very recently since I met and went out with FAREB, the fine-ass real estate broker (thanks Southern Lady for the acronym). I met FAREB at the gym, my new spot to meet men. Seriously. I've met more people at the gym than I have at clubs and bars combined. It's a meat market. Ladies, want to meet some eye candy? Go work out at your local gym. Make sure you wear a cute tank top and yoga pants. No big ugly t-shirts and sweats. I guarantee you will meet someone.

The first few conversations with FAREB were cool. He seemed like a cool person. The stats were good: college educated, good job, no kids, owns his own place, nice car, attractive and fit. His resume looks really good on paper. Things sort of hit a wall when we began to talk about when we were going to see each other and spend some time together. Below is a brief transcript of our conversation:

FAREB: So when are we going to see each other?
Me: I'm busy on Friday. Maybe we can grab dinner or something on Saturday?
FAREB: (hesitatingly) Uh, I just want to see you.
Me: So dinner Saturday isn't good for you?
FAREB: (repeats) I just want to see you.
Me: (pausing) I see.

Call me crazy, but I got the sense the FAREB wasn't really feeling the idea of going out on a date. A few days later when we talked, he expressed to me that he didn't want to take me out on a date because he didn't want to invest money on a date when there was a possibility that things may not progress with us. What. the. fuck.

That had to be the biggest turn off. Seriously. First of all, why would someone operate on the assumption that things may not work out? Granted, that's always a possibility when you're getting to know someone, but its one of those things that you determine WHEN YOU'RE GETTING TO KNOW SOMEONE. You never know if things are going to work out. But dammit if you bring that whack ass attitude to the situation it will most certainly fail. Second, if he didn't want to spring for dinner, can you at least take a chick out for a scoop of ice cream or a Jamba Juice? That's a $5 date right there. I know the negro can spare $5, damn! It's not about dinner, ice cream, or smoothies. I have a job. A good one. I can pay for my own food. I'm not hard up for dinner. The whole idea is to spend time together interacting in a public place. This fool told me, "Well I was thinking we could do something like drive up to Palos Verdes and go to the beach." Uh, no. You may be fine and successful, but so was Ted Bundy and he was a serial killer. Me thinks not.

I expressed all this to him, and I suppose I made a compelling argument because he asked me out to dinner. We had a good time but in the back of my mind I thought, damn I had to go through all this to get a dinner date? Is it really worth it? Sheesh. I had to damn near strong arm him into taking me out.

As I stated in my last post, we had a great time on our date. I suppose he put his initial asshole-ness aside. It resurfaced again a few days ago. Another brief conversation transcript:

FAREB: ...yea, I got a pretty full weekend ahead of me. I booked it solid since someone seems like they don't want to see me.
ME: I'm guessing the someone you're referring to is me. If you wanted to kick it this weekend why didn't you tell me?
FAREB: You don't seem like you have a sense of urgency to see me.
ME: (thinking, are you serious?) I don't have a sense of urgency when it comes to dating. It doesn't mean that I don't like you or want to get to know you, I just let the cards fall how they may. Don't worry about it, we'll get up.
FAREB: Hmph. Well, I have to go, I'll talk to you later.

Wow! BGI doesn't have sense of urgency! You're damn right I don't. I don't give a fuck how fine or successful you are, I sweat no man. I seriously think that he thinks because he's the pick of the litter that women are supposed to fall at his feet. Well guess what boo, I'm the pick of the litter too! I can be as picky and choosy as I want. It's not necessary for me to be pressed because I can have any man I want. In addition, I'm already seeing someone, I'm getting to know FAREB to keep my options open. Right now he has the opportunity to fill my plan B slot because I already have a plan A. He may have it going on but I'm not looking for him to be my end all to be all. Old boy seriously has the game twisted.

I have to admit, it's kind of fun breaking him down a little bit. I can tell that I provide a challenge simply because I'm not making it easy for him. That challenge is what keeps him interested. He's learning the hard way that to get with a quality woman, a man has to put in a little bit of work. He isn't entitled to my time and energy based on his stats. Your resume gets you in the door but the time, effort, and energy you put in keeps you around.

If anything, I'm keeping him around for kicks. He makes for interesting chick gossip and blog entries.

Just Waking Up...Weekend Reflections

2007-04-16T20:59:00.000-07:00

It's nearly 9 pm and I just woke up from a power nap. Sometimes I do that, I have the talent of power napping whatever the time of day or night. As long as I stick within the 30-45 minute range I'm good. If I go over that, fuck it I'm just asleep.

I had a pretty well rounded weekend. Friday after work I went to the nail salon for a mani/pedi and went to my local hood Forever 21-ish store to find a shirt to wear out Friday night. I found a really cute high quality looking black sleeveless top for $20. Ballin' on a budget. I paired the top with my dark denim skinny-cut Sevens and black stiletto heels. That's pretty much my club uniform - low cut top, a nice pair of jeans, and 3 1/2 inch heels.

Friday night my best friend and I went to Day After in Hollywood. I hadn't been out to a club in three months. The last time I went out was around the time when I met E. The club was crackin' although the crowd was hella young. Despite being at least 3 years older than everyone up in that piece, we had a good time. It was good to get out and go dancing. It's such a release. And I was puttin' it on the young boys on the dance floor! They wasn't ready.

Saturday I went to the dentist for a check up and cleaning. BGI has no cavities! Yay! After the pearly whites got polished I went to Target for toilet paper and ended up spending $68. It never fails, every time I go to that damn store for one thing I always leave with a bunch of crap I initially had no intentions on buying. After Target I stopped over to the day spa and made an appointment for a facial. After my errands I went home and took my afternoon nap. Didn't go out Saturday night. I needed one night of rest. I spent the duration of my Saturday eating, watching television, and sleeping.

Sunday I went to the gym, came home and did my hair. I had a date with the new guy I met - the fine ass real estate broker. I have to think of a pseudonym for him. Until I do, he will be referred to as the fine ass real estate broker. I will have to blog about him in a separate post because we've already had beef and we've only been seeing each other for 2 1/2 weeks. I digress. The fine ass real estate broker and I had dinner and dessert @ the Grand Luxe near the Beverly Center. Dinner was good, conversation was good, company was good. We had a wonderful time.

Peace, folks.

BGI is a heathen...

2007-04-08T17:33:00.000-07:00

...according to my grandma. I don't know why I'm sitting here trying to explain to 70-something year old Christian (a Baptist at that) that I don't like going to church. I catch heat from Moms and grandma for not going to church. They don't understand why I don't want to go.

Part of my reasoning is pretty much the same as you would expect from someone who grew up in church and stopped going once they became an adult. The black church is full of hypocrites, shady types, etc. The ones in the choir stands and in the front pews testifying and shouting are the same ones sinning (sinnin' real hard!) Monday through Saturday.

Not only that, but I simply don't feel the need to go to church to praise the lord. According the G-ma, since I don't go to church I must be a non-believer. Going to church is the only way to ensure my ticket to heaven. I just don't think its so black and white. Real life doesn't work that way. Sometimes it kind of bugs me when people choose to keep their blinders on.

They think I'm just spitting noise, but I have my own personal relationship with God. I incorporate God into every aspect of my life. I express my thanks to the heavenly father on the daily and I know where my blessings come from. I just don't feel like I need to go to church to express that.

I don't want to knock church too much though. As I said, I grew up in church and I believe that religion provides a moral base from which people should live their life. When I have children I'll probably take mine to church regularly too. I just feel as an individual I have the right to decide where and how I choose to praise the lord. I don't knock them for going to church Sunday after Sunday, so they shouldn't knock me for not going. Everything ain't for everybody.

I just want to live my life on my terms. And that means taking the teachings of my religion and applying them to my own life. I don't believe that religion is one size fits all, what you get out of it depends on you.

I already know that trying to explain this to hard-core black Christians is like talking to a wall. So I'll just continue to take the punches thrown at me in the name of the Lord.

Upgrading My Financial Savvy

2007-04-07T19:09:00.000-07:00

Until I started taking this Individual Financial Planning class (one of the two online classes I'm taking this semester) I didn't realize how little I knew about personal finance. It's some serious business! I always knew the importance of saving, budgeting, and maintaining good credit, which is something I'm working on (I'm not quite where I want to be), but I never paid much attention to comparing costs of credit, investing, etc.

I'm learning a lot about money. I'm no Suze Orman so I'm in no position to dish out financial advice, but I want to encourage all five of my readers to educate yourself about money. I thought I knew quite a bit but learning never stops and there is information out there for everyone from the novice to the OG.

Sites of interest:

www.bankrate.com

www.kiplinger.com

Yahoo Finance

Mindlessness

2007-04-06T21:25:00.000-07:00

I haven't watched televesion all week. Fuck me for being so busy living life. I haven't made time to sit around and engage in mindless activity.

I really like TV. I would much rather watch TV than watch a movie. Movies are too long for me, I guess I'm just ADD-ish in that way. Sometimes it takes me several days to watch one movie.

I have a bunch of stuff in my DVR to watch. Between tonight and tomorrow I'm plowing through it. I got the turtle Chex Mix on deck, it's about to go down.

Oh, and yay for Entourage! Season premiere this Sunday. Vincent Chase is my yt boy fantasy. If I see him out and about in Hollywood he's getting it.

Peace...

2007-04-05T20:41:00.000-07:00

Ok I really need to update my blog roll. I need to make some changes to the template. I'll get on it at some point. I promise.

Breakin' It Off

2007-04-05T20:01:00.000-07:00

"They never really miss you 'til you dead or you gone, so on that note I'm leaving after this song..."

I was listening to The Black Album on my way home from work today. Dec. 4th is my shit! But my absolute favorite song on that album is Allure.

Oh wait...that wasn't the point of the above quote.

Update on the situation with E...I broke it off with him. I'm sure my friends are giving me a round of applause right now. But that's not all there is to it. (Sorry Kenny!) I'm still kind of seeing him. I told him that I didn't want to date him anymore because I felt disappointed, unappreciated and like he is wasting my time. But I still want to spend time with him and talk to him. The only difference is that we won't be intimate anymore.

After having the conversation with E I have seen a significant difference in the way he has been treating me. In a way it pisses me off because I feel like it took me breaking things off with him and denying physical intimacy for him to treat me the way I want to be treated. A part of me wants to rekindle things with him, but my sane side is telling me to give it some time to see whether he's really sincere or whether he's playing nice to reel me back in. He can only play the role for so long before his true intentions surface.

I think this break will be a good time for me to assess where things are with him and see where the situation goes. This could be just a rift in our dating situation or it could be what ends it. Only time will tell. I don't want to simply walk away without at least seeing what happens if we continue seeing each other.

However, I will be seeing other men. E and I have been seeing each other pretty much exclusively since the beginning. I think its important to approach dating as one would investing--diversify. Investing all you have into one thing is bad business and you run the risk of losing it all if the market crumbles. I feel like if I date other people I'll be less likely to rush back into a situation with him before I'm ready.

The Big Let Down

2007-04-01T21:00:00.000-07:00

So much can happen within the span of a couple of months. I haven't written too much about my dating life lately, but its going through major ups and downs. The last time I wrote about E, the new dude, I was very optimistic. We were spending quite a bit of time together getting to know each other and enjoying one another's company. But lately I've been having the strangest feeling (love that Jodeci allusion, dontcha?)

Things aren't going too well with E and I. He has started this pattern of being really flaky, not calling when he says he is and breaking plans. What makes it really strange is that HE is the one who calls and initiates the plans, and then when the time comes for us to get up he doesn't call and is no where to be found. So far in the two and a half months we've been dating he has stood me up three times. Two times too many. With weak ass explanations. I honestly don't really want to hear any excuses. If you can't make a date you should call. Simple as that. It's not hard, no big deal. My intuition tells me he probably has a chick or something (although he has stated several times that I'm the only person he's dating). If he has another situation going, once again, no big deal. I'm not trying to be wifey, I just want to chill. Companionship is all I was seeking.

I'm very disappointed, because he really had me fooled. It may sound naive, but I thought he was different. He seemed very into me, but I think he was gassing me up. Put simply, he isn't treating me the way I deserve to be treated. And for that I've decided to cancel his punk ass.

I've given him two opportunities to redeem himself, after the first two times he stood me up with no explanation. I can't justify giving him another chance. We haven't been dating that long, I'm not that emotionally invested in him to want to keep him around, it's better to get rid of him now while its still early in the game. I have way too much other stuff going on in my life than to be wasting time and energy on someone who isn't giving me what I deserve. Besides, how can I focus on dating the hot new real estate broker I met if I'm trippin' off E?

When one door closes, another one opens. Real talk.

BGI, out.

Dear BGI...

2007-03-23T20:47:00.000-07:00

I read Dear Abby every single day, as well as Dear Prudence on MSN Slate every week. I know, I'm a total nerd who LOVES advice columns. There is something wonderful about people who have the answer to any every question imaginable.

Usually people who submit questions to the advice columns ask about boring shit: etiquette, work stuff, did I commit a social faux pas? Blah blah blah. But one of this week's questions stood the hell out:

Dear Prudence,
I am the mother of a beautiful, clever, generally well-behaved 4-year-old girl. I adore her, and she's a delight to be with in public and sweet as pie with other adults. My problem isn't something that other moms talk about, or that I've seen other little girls do. My daughter likes to—uh, how shall I put this?—rub herself on things: tables, chairs, ottomans, stairs. She really gets into it, and can go for long periods—half an hour, 45 minutes. She becomes very intent and flushed, and often gets upset when we try to stop her (probably because it feels good—duh!). My husband and I call it "doing that thing" and we have been generally tolerant of it, even though it has embarrassed us when she's done it in public places like bookstores or at the babysitter's house. We think exploring one's body is a normal thing and that probably she will grow out of this, but when friends come over and see her "doing that thing" on the coffee table, it's a real conversation-stopper. Should we prevent or prohibit this behavior, just because it embarrasses us? I don't think it's a disciplinary issue, because she's not disobeying us or hurting us or herself. We just figured it was something that she would grow out of, but she's doing it more and more. It's just such a strange, awkward habit, and I can't settle on a graceful, sensible, loving solution.

—Puzzled

Oh damn! The woman's daughter is going around humping every inanimate object in sight? Wow.

I personally think masturbation is healthy and normal. But I have issue with the fact that the punk ass mama doesn't know how to tell her daughter to not make whoopie with furniture in front of others!

I don't have children so I am by no means an authorithy on child-rearing. So what would have BGI's mama said about this situation? It would have gone something like, "Girl stop humping the damn furniture! You know, people have to sit there. It isn't appropriate to get yourself off in front of people. You can get yourself off in your private time till Kingdom Come but you better get your cooch off my got-damn couch!" My mom is REALLY blunt. She gives it to you straight, no chaser.

Prudie's response is a much more PC variation of my mama's advice but nevertheless wise and straight up:

Dear Puzzled,
Now that you know what your daughter's up to, look more closely and you may occasionally notice other sweet little girls plastered to furniture, oblivious to their surroundings. Of course she's upset when you try to stop her. If you felt you had 10 orgasms to go, you'd be annoyed if your mother told you you'd had enough. There's nothing strange about preschoolers masturbating—for reassurance, read about it at this University of Michigan site, or in the book Everything You Never Wanted Your Kids to Know About Sex (But Were Afraid They'd Ask)—you will be able to relate to the mother of a 2-^_1/2-year-old who is quoted as saying, "Oh, my God, I realized Ella's humping Barney." How confusing and crushing for your daughter it would be if you tried to stop this behavior completely because of your own embarrassment. You want her to be comfortable with exploring her body and with the idea that it can be a source of pleasure. But at age 4, she is old enough to understand the distinction between things that are fine in private but not in public (she's toilet-trained, after all). You can explain to her that "doing that thing" is for at home when there's no company (if there's company, let her know she can do it in her room). When you're in public, and she starts approaching the nearest ottoman with that look on her face, tell her that's for when you're home, and come up with something to distract her. As for outgrowing "that thing," in a few years she will take it completely private (you needn't worry that your daughter will be rocking herself on the coffee table when she's 16), but you want to handle this now in such a way that you help her retain her robust joy in her body.

—Prudie

Lesson learned: it never occurred to me to use home furnishings when masturbating. Who knew? *Side-eyeing my leather chair*

Just a moment...

2007-03-22T19:47:00.000-07:00

I have several random thoughts on my mind, so here we go...

I'm doing like 3 people's job nowadays. I won't complain too much, because I'm learning many many valuable skills. Makes me more of an asset which results in more bargaining power for me come annual review time.

It feels soooo good to get things off your chest. Better to put things out on the table rather than to keep it bottled up, leaving it to fester and cause people to assume things that may not necessarily be so. Communication is the answer.

E is going out of town this weekend. He's only going to be gone 3 days but I'm so sad! *Pouting right now*

I've grown so much over the past year. I've evolved immensely from the person I was 365 days ago.

I haven't eaten fast food in over a month. Wait, I'm lying. I had an In-N-Out burger a week and a half ago. But outside of that I haven't eaten fast food. It gives me the bubbleguts. Note to self to blog about my last Wienerschnitzel experience.

I cannot bring myself to watch this season of America's Next Top Model. I got 10 minutes into episode 1 and deleted the entire series recording from my DVR.

But I've watched EVERY episode of The Hills this season. Lauren really needs new friends.

Can't wait until Entourage comes back. 17 days and counting!

Vincent Chase is my yt boy fantasy.

Why o why is NBC canceling Passions? To make room for Today Show? It's clear they are doing that because Today Show's ratings suck ass, so cancel that shit! I know Passions better end with Theresa and Ethan finally getting together. And why is it that the only black couple on the show has a man on the down low?

I cleared my closet of old clothes, now its kind of bare. I need to go shopping.

I have shoes galore though.

Peace...

Taking the MBA plunge

2007-03-17T19:26:00.000-07:00

I made a life decision this week - I'm going to get an MBA. It's something I've been considering for quite some time. I don't want to stop working to go back to school full-time, so I'm going part-time. After working in marketing for a little while I've grown to really enjoy it and I want to learn more about business and marketing. It also helps that having an MBA would make my resume more attractive.

I briefly considered the online MBA program offered at my undergrad institution, but I think taking graduate level business courses is something that I need to be physically present for. I'm currently taking online classes, which I absolutely love because its very convenient for me, but I do miss the human interaction that being physically present in a class provides.

I'm ready to get the ball rolling. I have a few prerequisites I need to take, which I'll take online @ Santa Monica College. I need to sign up for the GMAT and start studying for the exam. So much to do, so little time. My goal is to start the program fall semester 2008.

I'm going to apply to the on-campus program at my undergrad. Some say that if you're going to get an MBA you should go for a prestigious school, but I think a degree is a degree no matter what the institution is. As long as it is accredited that's all that matters. A prominent alma mater seems to only really matter if you plan on working on Wall Street or becoming a lawyer. The fact that my degree would be from a not-very-well-known state public university is irrelevant. In addition, some of the "better" schools don't have what I'm looking for. I checked out programs at Loyola Marymount and Pepperdine, and neither institution offers an MBA with a marketing concentration. My undergrad has a very extensive marketing concentration, including courses in internet marketing and several courses in marketing management. It will be easy for me to get into the program, it's affordable, and its literally a ten minute drive away from my house. The naysayers can keep the hefty prestigious MBA program pricetag. BGI won't be incurring anymore student loan debt.

Peace!

Dreams of Golden Showers

2007-03-12T21:57:00.000-07:00

I often have recurring dreams. Lately my recurring dream has been about urinating (no R. Kelly). A few weeks ago I had a dream that I was at some sort of dinner party event and I went to the restroom to go pee and I kept going and going and going. I began to go and the flow wouldn't stop. A couple of nights ago I had another dream where I was in the shower, but the shower was in my bedroom closet and I peed in the shower. Weird!

I'm a huge believer in the hidden meaning of dreams. I believe that your dreams provide insight to your subconscious thoughts and that your dreams are trying to tell you something about yourself. I googled "dream interpretation" and came across this site, sort of a dream dictionary. I looked up "urination" and it turns out that to dream you are urinating "symbolizes a cleansing and release of negative or repressed emotions." I also looked up "shower" and to dream of taking a shower (in clear water) "denotes spiritual cleansing or renewal."

This may sound all new-agey, but I think these interpretations of my dreams hit the nail right on the head. As of this year I had reached a point in my life where I am content with myself and I have let go of the ill feelings I've had toward people. I stopped nursing grudges and letting negativity get in the way of my blessings. I stopped focusing on what I didn't have and thanked God for what I do have.

I don't know the whole significance of the whole shower in the closet thing. Everything in the dream isn't metaphorical, sometimes its just weird.

I can breathe again

2007-03-11T12:47:00.000-07:00

I finally figured out the source of my allergies. For the past couple of weeks I have been suffering. Itchy, dry eyes, sneezing, runny nose, dry scratchy throat...it's horrible. I assumed it was springtime allergies because my sinuses usually start acting the fool around spring and fall.

So this morning I decided to straighten up my bedroom, and something told me to look under my bed. Under my bed was a thick ass layer of dust! I don't even remember the last time I looked under there. I found all kind of stuff that I had completely forgotten about. It then dawned on me that the dust in my room is probably a huge contributor to my sinus allergies. Now that I think about it, my sinuses are probably so shitty because the dust was right under my bed where I sleep every night. With that in mind I grabbed the vaccuum and began to whisk the dust away.

It didn't stop there. I moved my dresser, where there was even more dust. Behind my desk, there was more! My bedroom was a huge dust bowl, a breeding ground for dust mites and all kind of icky stuff. I took things an extra step and started up the air filter. My room feels so much cleaner. And I haven't sneezed once in over two hours.

Now I know. The next time my sinuses start acting up, clean my damn room!

Just dropping by...

2007-03-04T14:57:00.000-08:00

This may sound mean, but I find it super annoying when people come over unannounced, and then stay for a long ass time. Some people in my family do this quite often, and it never fails to rub me the wrong way. It's like, damn, did it occur to you to maybe call first? That way when you come by you can save yourself the trouble of calling me out for still rocking my PJs at 2 o'clock in the afternoon. You come by without calling first, and then ask me why I'm not dressed? Maybe because I wasn't expecting company!

In addition, there are certain family members who I can only take in small doses. Ok fine, you come over unannounced, but shit feel free to leave, anytime. Do you have nothing better to do than to sit on our couch running your damn mouth about nothing of importance? And your damn child is hungry, he's starting to beg for food, why don't you take him home? And no, I don't want to take pictures of you in your church clothes. Good grief!

BGI, out.

Playing Hooky

2007-02-28T11:21:00.000-08:00

I needed a day off from work. Yesterday while at work, I began to experience sharp pains in my abdomen. I have two weeks till my period so they weren't menstrual cramps. It was a different kind of pain anyway, the kind that wouldn't let me sit upright without bouts of pain. I went home early from work and I'm taking today off too.

After I went home and laid down I felt better. The pain still came and went, but it wasn't as bad as it was when I was at work. I think my body was telling me that I need to take a personal day. I didn't consciously think I was experiencing work stress, but the fact that I feel good again after taking some time off makes me think I was.

I knew something was up because every day for the past week or two, I seriously contemplated calling in sick. Some days I really thought I wasn't going to able to make it, although I couldn't pinpoint what was wrong with me. I can only describe it as an overall shitty feeling.

Every once in awhile its necessary to go ahead and ditch. It's good for you. Sometimes the weekend isn't enough. This is why we get sick days and vacation days, for times like these. I felt kind of bad for taking off in the middle of the week, but the way I was feeling yesterday, I didn't think I would be able to make it through the rest of the day. I really shouldn't feel too bad, because I've never called in sick since I've been working at my job. I've taken days off, but I've never been the one to constantly call in sick.

Tomorrow, back on the grind.

Peace...

BGI: Smarty Mc Smarterson

2007-02-27T15:14:00.001-08:00

Damn ya girl is smart! *Jocking myself right now*

Lifted from Southern_Lady

Finally ready again...only a little different this go 'round

2007-02-25T11:41:00.000-08:00

The timing seems to be just right for me and the new dude. We are pretty much in the same place when it comes to relationships - we are both open to having one with the right person. We are spending time together and getting to know one another in order to see if the other may be the right person. It's great because its a no-pressure situation. The focus is on enjoying our time together; everything else will fall into place if it's meant to be.

After two years of singlehood, I am ready to have a relationship again. After breaking up with my ex, the idea of being in a relationship again caused me to bolt in the opposite direction of anyone who seemed like they wanted to be with me. I've been ready for love again for almost a year, but I hadn't met the right person for me. I was fine with dating people and spending time with them, but I wasn't about to jump into a relationship simply so I could have a man. I knew that I would be more miserable than if I had remained single.

I had reached a point where I was happy and content being single when I met E. I stopped focusing on having a man and focused on myself. I threw myself into work, pursued my own interests, and spent time with friends and family. My thinking was: I'm single and I'm the most important person in my life, so I need to enjoy my life with myself. Once I settle down I may never get these times back; I need to enjoy spending time with me, because that's the person I was with most of the time. It may sound weird, but that is my way of thinking.

It is very likely that I will end up in a relationship with E, but I still think this way. I realize that the reason many of my past relationships failed is because I lost myself in the relationship. I diverged from focusing on myself and made the relationship the center of my world. The source of my happiness cannot come from someone else. It has to come from within.

Tha Randomness...

2007-02-23T22:10:00.000-08:00

Usually when you're thinking of someone, they are thinking of you too, in whatever capacity. Funny thing - I was talking about my first boyfriend to someone, and he randomly called me today just to see how I was doing. He usually calls me every six months or so to see if I'm still alive.

Karma is a motherfucker. The saying, "what goes around comes around" is very cliche, but so true. This is why I think twice when I am thinking of doing something that may be fucked up.

I lost five pounds. I already thought I had it going on, but now you really can't tell me shit. I dropped a whole dress size. I'm back into a size six. Come summer I'm going to be a hoochie. Well not really, I'm lying. I don't feel comfortable showing too much skin.

I should have played hooky from work earlier this week so I could see Obama. Since I missed him I'll donate $20 to his campaign. Every little bit helps.

Is it simply a coincidence that whenever I'm in a happy dating situation, my loved ones are experiencing unhappiness in theirs? It's crazy how our love lives are never in sync.

Peace...

Seething over here...

2007-02-17T15:51:00.000-08:00

I'm pissed off right now. Just did my taxes (twice, just to double check myself) and I owe the IRS $19. Sure its a nominal amount, but considering the fact that the federal government deducts at least $125 from each paycheck, one would one assume that she would some sort of refund come tax season. Where the hell does the money go? I don't see the benefits of it. Not in my community, not really anywhere in the US. I want to see a statement summary! Who in the hell creates these tax tables? What is it based on? Why are the calculations so schizophrenic? I'm not going to bitch and moan about having to pay taxes, but I feel like Uncle Sam borrowed money from me and when I asked him to pay me back, he's like, "bitch, fuck you I ain't giving you shit...and the next time I want money you will give it to me or I'm charging you interest."

I just want a tax refund. Is that too much to ask? The fact that I'm single, I don't have dependents, assets, or even that many deductions is not working for me...a chick just wants a little something back for those hundreds of dollars deducted from her paycheck monthly.

I feel like crying, although I don't do the whole raw emotion thing.

Valentine's Day is for suckas...

2007-02-14T19:31:00.000-08:00

...just kidding. Kind of. Ok, so my plans for Valentine's Day aren't what most would consider romantic, and for damn sure not lovey-dovey. My new friend and I decided that we are going to go out for burgers. Yes, we are going to In-N-Out and we are going to lay hands on some double-double cheeseburgers and fries. We wanted to spend time together on V-day, but I don't feel comfortable doing the traditional "nice" dinner and gift exchange thing so early in the game. Since my friend (who will be referred to as E from henceforth) and I just started seeing one another, I want to keep things casual for now.

E is super cool. He's very laid back, handsome, and very sweet. He treats me like the queen I am (which I absolutely love) and he adores me. I'm vain, so I revel in that. I feel like the man I date should love me just as much as I do. I met E about a month ago outside the Garden of Eden, and he used to date this chick I know, but I'm not friends with her. So he's fair game. Word on the street is that she's hatin' real hard right about now but that's her issue, not mine.

I'm really enjoying getting to know E. He is someone I could see myself seriously dating. I'm not going to press the situation though. I'm enjoying spending time with him and being in his company.

My dilemma is that I want to have sex with him really really bad, but I know its too soon. I want to spend more time getting to know him without sex involved in the equation. I've made the mistake of having sex with a guy I'm dating too soon, and it can be detrimental to building a solid foundation for companionship, friendship, and/or a relationship. Knowing what I know, I have since implemented a 45 day probationary period before becoming intimate with a guy. Some may say thats too soon, but shit most people I know barely wait 2 or 3 weeks before jumping somebody's bones. 45 days is a long time, especially when you haven't had sex since New Year's.

19 days until I can make E my sex slave...

Happy Valentine's Day!!

BGI is not partaking in all-star weekend 2007...

2007-02-09T19:56:00.000-08:00

I love meat market festivities as much as the next person. But I decided to opt out of All-Star Weekend this year.

Everybody and their mother is going to be there, but I don't feel like I'll be missing out on anything if I don't go. I had originally planned on going but a couple of weeks ago I had a sudden change of heart. I don't feel like dealing with hundreds of thousands of hoochies and the men who love them for an entire weekend. I don't want to interact with faux ballers and be strong-armed into paying $150 cover charges for parties. Plus, I want to save my vacation time for a real vacation, not for Vegas. I can go to Vegas anytime. It's only a 4 hour drive from LA. I wasn't planning on going to any of the games anyway, I was only going for the parties. I can party anytime.

I have a lot of other things I can do with the time and money I was going to spend in Vegas. I already scheduled spa day for myself, and I'm saving the money I would have spent in Vegas toward a down payment on a new car.

Plus, All-Star is going to be way more crackin' next year in New Orleans. Ya girl will definitely be in the Dirty Dirty painting the town red.

What's On Your Mind Today, BGI?

2007-01-26T18:29:00.000-08:00

Ever notice people who go around claiming how real they are be the fakest mufuckas? If you feel the need to tell people how real you are, chances are you're probably not. Doers never talk, and talkers never do. Let your actions speak and shut the fuck up!

I have a date tonight but I kind of don't want to go. I'm tired. Had a long week. Plus the guy isn't that interesting. He's one of those people who is very agreeable. He agrees with pretty much everything I say. If I farted and said it smelled like roses he would nod his head in agreement. I don't trust men like that.

I been hitting the gym hard lately. I lost three pounds! It may not sound like much but when I first started working out again I actually gained weight because I was lifting weights. I'm beginning to see the fruits of my labor. I fit into my skinny jeans. I almost cried. And I never show raw emotion. I'm gonna have Madonna arms by spring.

Three weeks until All-Star Weekend, and I'm still not ready. Plane ticket? Nope. Lodging? Crashing with some folks. At first I was apathetic and I didn't care whether I was going or not, but as it gets closer I'm getting more excited about it. At least as excited as I can get.

I am soooo ashamed to admit this, but I really like that song "On the Hotline" by Pretty Ricky. The beat is real catchy.

Doesn't "Pretty Ricky" usually refer to one person? It's singular so why is it being used as a name for 4 people?

As pro-black as I am, I never thought I would see the day when I would be attracted to a yt guy. But the day has arrived. And the yt guy is hella cool too. I can now say from personal experience that one cannot help who they are attracted to.

My date tonight is not with the yt guy, btw.

I guess I'll go and bs some more before I get ready to head out....Peace.

Moving On...

2007-01-23T20:42:00.000-08:00

In my last post I wrote about the throwback dude and how things weren't working between us. I decided to unilaterally end the situation. My heart had already moved on, but I decided to fully extricate myself from someone who I knew was toxic for me. Initially I was a little sad (only slightly) but I am happy and content with my decision. I'm glad that I came to my senses before I ended up knee deep in some bullshit.

I feel like I've reached a point where I am content with my single life. It wasn't easy for me to reach this point though. This upcoming March will mark two years of my being single. In the past I was the chick who always had a man (and a couple of others stashed away just in case) so when I became single for an extended period of time it was an adjustment. I have had a few pseudo-relationships over the past couple of years but for some reason destiny wouldn't allow them to become the real thing. Sometimes I felt like something was wrong with me because I was single, but now I see that it was something necessary for me. I needed to grow as a person, without a significant other. I have grown immensely over the past several years. I've become more self-reliant, I've developed a stronger sense of self, and I have become very comfortable in my own skin. I am very happy with the person I am, flaws and all.

I now embrace my singlehood. I haven't even reached my prime yet. This is my time now!

Don't Take It Personal

2007-01-15T21:46:00.000-08:00

People are self-centered by nature. I'm guilty of it, and you probably are too. Despite that fact, most people know when to push their selfish tendencies aside. Some people never learn when they are supposed to put a lid on their selfishness. They only think about themselves and they don't consider how their actions affect other people.

If a person is in a place where they aren't capable of letting the selfishness go, that person should think twice before pursuing romantic relationships. I decided to let someone back into my life who I have previously dated. I stopped dating the guy because he didn't make time for me and he was emotionally unavailable to me most of the time. After I ended things, he called a couple of months later asking for another chance to make things right. I usually don't date throwbacks, but for some reason I decided to give him another chance. We had an extensive conversation about where things went wrong, and what needed to be done to fix things.

That was several weeks ago, and now things are exactly like they were before. He's going back to being unavailable and not making time for me. Funny thing is, I don't feel neglected or hurt, but I do feel disrespected. I have expressed to this person my needs, wants, and expectations, but he doesn't seem to take them seriously. When I tell him he acts like he understands what I'm saying, but things don't change. He has told me several times that he wants to have a relationship with me, but I don't understand how that can be if he brushes me off when I communicate things to him.

At first I took it pretty hard that he wasn't considerate of my feelings. But I began to realize that I shouldn't feel bad because he is self-centered. His actions have less to do with me and more to do with where he is in his life right now. It sucks that he is leading me on when he's not ready to seriously date someone, but I'm not about to feel bad because he can't get his shit together. Who knows why he is telling me one thing and his actions say otherwise? I'm not about to get all up in arms about it. I have way too much stuff going on to be worried about his ass.

My powers as a black woman are limited. I can't make someone be a certain way. I can only express to them how I expect to be treated. If they can handle it, cool. If not, there's the door. There's a saying that goes: "you teach people how to treat you."

Another saying goes: "everything happens for a reason." I'm sure I'm supposed to learn something from this. So far, all I got is that some people are just selfish assholes, and there is nothing you can do about it.

Monday's Random Thoughts

2007-01-08T19:18:00.000-08:00

It never fails that as soon as you are over someone, they start sweating you. When I wanted you, you were acting all aloof and shit. Now that I don't want you anymore you want to be all in my face?

On the same token, blowing up my phone is not going to make me answer. It actually has the opposite effect. And I'll start talking bad about you to my friends when you do it.

My coworkers are nosy as a muthafucka. Go get some business and stay up outta mine!

White people at my job don't eat sugar. They guzzle diet soda and coffee with splenda all day. Remember that rumor that fake sugar causes anal leakage? And that it can cause cancer? Hmmm...sugar, or chemicals? Trading one unhealthy thing for another.

My trainer hates me. He really does. Why else would he subject me to inhumane exercise techniques? Oh that's right to whip me into shape. That's what I'm paying him for. Aaaahhhh. My whole body hurts, I can barely move. No pain, no gain?

I feel like complaining today. I'm a woman, I'm a Virgo. I'm entitled to that.

Hello 2007!

2007-01-02T18:47:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year to all! I hope everyone had a wonderful and joyous holiday. Mine turned out quite alright I must say. I rang in the New Year with someone who I never thought I would ever speak to again, and we had a good time together. We drank champagne, smoked some ooo-wee, and enjoyed one another's company. Hopefully I won't have to bad mouth him on my blog anytime soon.

I wish I had a laundry list of New Year's resolutions, but I don't. I don't believe in New Year's resolutions. Throughout the year I make lifestyle choices that I feel make me better. I'm not good at the whole resolution thing. I would rather make a choice and stick with it, no matter what time of year it is.

Too bad I'm too lazy to do a 2006 wrap-up. Suffice it to say that '06 was a good year for me, despite the ups and downs I've endured. I have no complaints because I've learned a lot, I've evolved immensely, and I had a good ass fucking time in '06. It was definitely better than '05 and I plan on making '07 even better.

I'm glad I made it to 2007. I'm glad that I have my family and friends and that they made it too. I feel very blessed.

Merry Christmas!

2006-12-25T13:42:00.000-08:00

I'm usually a big old scrooge around the holidays (well, I still am) but I'm in the holiday spirit moreso than I have been holidays past. It seems like bad things always happen around the holidays and it can really put a damper on things. I try not to let that get to me though, and try to remain in the spirit of Christmas by remembering its true meaning.

To me, Christmas is about celebrating the birth of our lord and savior (although its unclear as to when he was really born). It's also about spending time with friends and family. This is the time of year when you see and talk to people you may not have heard from in eons. Another huge part of the holidays is the food! Christmas gives you an excuse to inhale any and everything within sight.

And lets be honest...who doesn't love the fact that you get time off work, or if you don't, you get that good holiday pay? That's the best. I don't get gifts as much as I used to, but the fact that I get to sleep in and watch DVDs all day while stuffing my face makes me all warm and fuzzy inside. I feel lucky too because its such a beautiful day out. People in other parts of the US are covered in snow and freezing their asses off, while where I am its warm enough to go outside with no jacket on. If it didn't get dark at 4:30 I would go to the beach. Damn, I can't wait until Daylight Savings Time ends.

I feel really blessed, and I have a lot to be thankful for. I'm not exactly where I want to be right now, but things could be a lot worse. Relatively, I'm doing alright.

Stop Texting Me! Just Call!

2006-12-21T21:04:00.000-08:00

Technology is cool. I consider myself to be pretty tech savvy. I love technology just as much as any generation Y-er. I like spending an unhealthy amount of time on the internet, electronic gadgets, camera phones, texting, and stuff like that. It's great.

But sometimes people take the technology thing too far. Case in point: I met T a couple of weeks ago @ Day After in Hollywood. This was a random night where I nearly had a car accident with Lamar Odom on the way to the club (who kept giving ME the evil eye when we were walking in the club with his non-driving ass) and got stuck in the middle of the dance floor in the midst of a whole bunch of Asian girls "Walking It Out" at the club. It was really strange. All I could think is, "They must watch a lot of BET." Really random night. Anyway, that night I met T, a promoter for a few Hollywood clubs. He seemed cool, and I wanted to get on his guestlist so I gave him my number. We talked about getting together and having lunch or something.

This was two weeks ago, and I haven't spoken to T yet. However, we have been communicating via text. We have been communicating SOLELY via text. And I don't mean texts that are short and simple, this negro initiates full-on conversations via text. We haven't talked on the phone! He called me once a couple of days ago and I missed his call. I called him back, and he didn't answer. I called him on two separate occasions and I got no answer. But he keeps sending me texts. All freakin' day.

All of our conversations have been via text. It makes me wonder, "Why won't he just call?" I mean seriously. Sprint only allots 500 texts a month in my service plan. I don't want to use them all up on T. I got other people I text too. I don't get why he won't call. Does he not like to talk on the phone? Is he socially inept? Does he think it makes him look cool because he's texting all the time? Whatever it is, its fucking weird. And he's trying to make dates and shit with me (via text of course). I can't honestly say I feel comfortable going out with someone who I haven't had a verbal conversation with since I met him.

Gotta go now, T is texting me...

Random Sunday Night Thoughts

2006-12-17T22:29:00.000-08:00

I started going back to the gym. Yes, I finally got my lazy ass up and started working out again! I've been on it 3 times a week for the past few weeks and I'm already starting to see slight results. I haven't lost any weight, but my clothes fit better and I look a little more toned. I feel really good too. My energy level has increased and I sleep better. I feel like I'm being proactive about reaching my goal of being healthier and more in shape. I don't want to lose too much weight because I want to keep my curves. I love my T & A. I want to lose no more than 10 pounds.

One of my biggest pet peeves is when people are closed-minded about things. I don't understand how someone can think that their way of thinking or doing things is the divine way. My mother used to always tell me when I was growing up, "If everyone on this earth looked the same and thought the same way, the world would be a boring place."

I really need to sleep more. I get about 5 hours of sleep every night. The recommended amount is 7-8 hours, but I feel like that's too much for me. If I sleep that much I wake up feeling sluggish. I should probably try to get somewhere around 6.5 hours. I usually wake up feeling sluggish no matter how much I sleep, because I'm just not a morning person. I'm not fully awake until about 10 am. But given the choice I'd rather sleep less, then wake up and dope up on caffeine.

Although I'm a scrooge and I hate the holidays, the one thing I do love about the holidays is seeing my family. Throughout the year life sometimes gets in the way, but during Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years' everyone puts forth the extra effort to see one another. And I'm blessed to have most of my family in the same vicinity, so it makes it easier for everyone to see each other.

Peace...

Christmas? Eh.

2006-12-10T14:06:00.000-08:00

I haven't done any Christmas shopping whatsoever, and there are only two weeks left until the holiday. I'm just not really into the holiday. I haven't been into it since I was a child. Christmas is really a holiday for children anyway, and since I don't have any (and I don't plan on it anytime soon) I don't see a reason for all the fuss.

The holiday has seemed to move far away from its purpose. The whole point is to celebrate the birth of Christ. But outside the church, little to no attention is paid to that fact. It's become more about presents, Santa, and pine trees. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy giving and receiving gifts, but its quite disheartening that the focus has shifted away from the real purpose of the holiday. I don't mean to come off as a super Christian, because I hardly even go to church. However, I was raised in church. I have that foundation. I may not attend services but I'm a spiritual person who knows where her blessings come from.

I'm not feeling the whole Christmas hoopla. For me the best part of the holiday is spending time with my family. And eating. Anytime of the year is a good time to celebrate Christ, not just December 25th.

I'll start my shopping next week. But I'm not going into debt to buy gifts for everyone. My list is fairly short anyway, so that saves me a lot. The people I love would rather have the gift of time spent over material items anyway.

Shake Em' Off

2006-12-03T22:49:00.000-08:00

I thrive when my life is fast paced and busy. When things are slow, I feel weird then I get lazy. I'd take an overpacked schedule with moments of peace over a slow paced lifestyle anyday.

Since I have a lot going on in my life between work, classes, family, friends, having a social life and squeezing in time for self, I have to do an inventory every once in awhile and drop the dead weight in my life. As I evolve as a person I have to eliminate things that are no longer working for me. I have to streamline things in order to keep my life running smoothly.

I had to discontinue a situation with someone who had recently come back into my life after a few years. We used to see one another maybe four or five years ago, and we sort of fell off. We picked back up in the late summer of this year. Initially things were okay, but as time passed I began to see that this person was not the same person I knew back in the day. He seemed to have changed for the worse, and I didn't necessarily like the person that he had become. It could be that I changed too. I tried to stick out because we had a history already, but I couldn't have someone around me who wasn't treating me with respect and who didn't make the effort to make sure that we maintained a connection. It could be that this person was always an asshole and I just turned a blind eye to it. I don't know. But I'm glad that I opened my eyes to see him for who he really is before I invested too much of myself into the situation. I can't have people around me who detract from my life.

I'm usually apprehensive about confronting people and breaking things off. I don't really like confrontation, because it can breed conflict, and I don't like conflict. But sometimes confrontation is a necessary evil. In this situation I had to take the liberty of confronting this person and telling him that our situation wasn't working for me and that I needed to move on with my life. He didn't take it well, but I think he understands where I am coming from. Sucks that things didn't work out, but it just wasn't in God's plan for us.

Oddly enough, for someone who doesn't like confrontation, I felt liberated after I did it. In a way I felt like I conquered a fear of mine as well as removing something negative from my life.

Ewwwww!

2006-11-22T23:05:00.000-08:00

In my last post I made a reference to the fact that although I'm certified gangsta, I am deathly afraid of insects and spiders. I am a girly girl at heart. I don't like bugs, sweating (unless I'm working out or getting some pipe), camping, or anything that requires me to get dirty and/or be exposed to icky things.

So imagine my dismay when I went to visit one of my guy friends, and while we are sitting down on the couch having a conversation, a muthafuckin' roach crawls up the wall. It was crawling up the wall behind his head, so he couldn't see it because he was facing me. It was crawling slow too. It wasn't scurrying away quickly like a roach would when you turn on the lights. No. This one came out while the lights were on! It was a bold roach.

I wanted so badly to freak out, but the way my friend sat there nonchantly led me to believe that this was a pretty common occurence. You see, the house was filthy. Not like a junky person's house, where papers and clothes are strewn about, but I'm talking about stuff on top of stuff on top of stuff. The house was nasty. If there was one creepy crawler coming out while company was present, I'm sure there were several others who hadn't come out to say what's up.

I didn't say anything about it to my friend. I mean, he's my friend, but we're not cool like that where I would feel comfortable pointing out roaches and shit in his house. But it made me very uncomfortable. I was too scared to move or put my purse down somewhere for fear that one of them would crawl into my stuff. So I sat there with my purse on my lap for my entire visit. I'm sure my friend knows he has roaches. If one came out during my visit, I'm sure he sees them all the time. I just don't understand how someone can live in filth. That's not healthy. It's gross. Ick!

Random Thoughts

2006-11-20T22:17:00.000-08:00

Why do I wait until the absolute last minute to do things? I am the biggest procrastinator. It seems like no matter how hard I try, I still end up doing things at the last minute.

I like to think of myself as a strong, independent woman who can break down the toughest of men without even raising my voice. So why when I see a spider in my bedroom do I bitch up and start screaming like a total wuss?

Nordstrom's called me to inform me of the upcoming After-Thanksgiving sale. I must shop there way too much if they felt the need to inform me of a sale, and I'm not even a Nordstrom's cardholder.

While on the subject of shopping, I'm having the hardest time finding the perfect pair of black boots for winter. I mean, how hard is it to find 3 1/2 inch pointed-toe knee high crocodile boots in a size 7 1/2?

Thank God this week is a short week. I need a vacation from the miserable hoes I work with.

Speaking of, why does my coworker seem to always have VPL? Seamless underwear: a foreign idea?

It seems like we are going back in time. Yt ain't scared of us no more. But why should they be, when we hardly have any solidarity? It's hard to expect others to take us seriously when we don't do it ourselves. It's time to take this shit back. All of it.

blackgirlinterrupted, out.

I'm Not Feeling You

2006-11-19T15:55:00.000-08:00

There are some people I absolutely cannot be in the same room with. I'm a person who is very sensitive to other people's vibes, so when I'm around people who give off negative vibes I immediately cast them into the category of people I'm not feeling.

Unfortunately some of those people are friends of my friends, so I'm forced to interact with them. I know my friends have good intentions and they try to bring everyone together when having parties, going out, etc., but I can't help feeling bummed out when I find out certain people are goint to be in attendance. And even worse is when my friends invite me to things that those I'm not feeling are having. I think to myself, "I don't even really like this person, why are you inviting me?" Maybe I'm just mean and not being a team player, but I'm entitled to feel how I want to feel and not like people I don't want to like. It's not like my feelings are unfounded. I don't just dislike people for no reason. If I don't like you, it's probably because you are unfriendly, you have a bad attitude for no reason, and you are just a bonafide bitch. Of course we all have our days when we aren't the most personable, but it's different when that's just the way you are.

But even when I'm forced to interact with heffas that I don't want to be around, I still play it cool. I'm nice, respectful, and polite. Just because they act a certain way doesn't mean I have to stoop to their level and reciprocate the behavior. Usually there are other people there who I am actually cool with so I just kick it with them.

It's just whack when my friends expect me to be around people I don't like. I have different types of friends of whom I am aware don't mesh well. So I kick it with them at different times. It's not very often that I bring them all together. Of course I don't expect my friends to not invite their other friends to things, because those are their friends too. But damn, don't invite me to shit for people I don't like. I won't feel like I'm missing out on anything.

Just Let It Go

2006-11-14T19:36:00.000-08:00

It's a hard pill to swallow to admit to yourself when a relationship isn't going to work out. You had high aspirations for the situation, but they cannot compensate for the fact that the situation is doomed and there is no way to salvage it.

Although it is evident that shit is fucked up, the hardest thing to do is to walk away. Maybe your pride is holding you back, preventing you from admitting to yourself that it's over. You want to save face. Or maybe it's the hope that things will improve. That this is just a phase that will pass soon. But the relationship continues to fold, forcing you to admit the cold, hard truth--that it is time to let go.

The hardest part is making the initial step. You may still have feelings for your partner, so you don't want to just walk away. You don't want to just leave him alone. You feel like you can't just walk away from all the time, energy, etc. that you have invested. Sure, in the recent past he has been emotionally unavailable, disrespectful, and inconsiderate of your feelings, but he used to be so sweet and loving. You know that those good qualities are still there. They just need to be brought back out.

He may still have those qualities, but what good are they if he's not showing them to you? Those good qualities haven't surfaced for some time now. Sometimes you wonder if they still exist. If he's not treating you like the queen you were born to be, you need to find someone who will. Fuck sticking it out. He's sticking it out for convenience. Make it easy for him and bounce.

You have two options: you can stay in a one-sided relationship and continue to hold on to the hope that things will change, or you can take action and do both yourselves a favor and put the relationship out of its misery. It's going to be hard at first, but you'll be fine. Essentially you're alone anyway. You can do bad by yourself. You're still young and beautiful. You will meet someone else who is worthy of you and find true happiness. Don't stand in your own way.

Cry, grieve, vent, laugh, get fucked up (don't get ignorant with it though)...do what you gotta do to release those negative emotions. Build yourself back up. I promise you that when you come back you are going to be stronger, better, and more fabulous than ever.

Lean On Me

2006-11-09T21:50:00.000-08:00

I'm spent.

For the past couple of weeks, everyone close to me has been using me as their confidante, their shoulder to lean on when they need someone to talk to. I love my people, but it can be emotionally draining. I tend to be the type of person who takes on the emotions of others, so when the people I love are hurt, so am I.

At the same time, I don't mind being there for people I care about, because I would want them to be there for me. Everyone needs someone to talk to sometimes.

I love my friends and family to death. I really could not imagine my life without them. They are always there for me. They tell me when I'm being stupid and still tolerate me when I'm being a total ass. I appreciate that about them, because I don't have time for "yes" people.

Its the weekend, its the weekend...

2006-11-04T10:29:00.000-08:00

Damn it seems like I'm getting to the point where I am only blogging on the weekends. I gotta step my blog game back up.

I've had a busy yet productive week. Thankfully the week went by without any real work drama. Folks at my job seem to be on a mission to knock each other off the block, and I'm trying to avoid that mess. I go to work to do my work and be the best at what I'm doing. I don't try to advance by tearing down others. That shit is prevalent at my company, moreso than I have seen at other places I've worked. I'm learning to just do my shit and cover my own ass so that no surprises creep up later.

Last night I had a first date with this really cool guy. We'll call him W. I met W last week at Level 3. We have been talking on the phone all week, and he asked me to go out on Friday night. He got super cool points, because he asked me out on a Tuesday. A lot of guys wait until the last minute to ask you out. I thought that was very considerate of him to ask me out well in advance. I also thought it was cool that he actually asked me out on a date, because a lot of guys simply try to get you to come over to their house rather than trying to take you out. I'm all for staying in sometimes, but I'm not trying to just kick it at some guy's house who I don't know. I wouldn't want to give off the wrong impression. Plus, sometimes men take it for granted and think they never have to take you anywhere. Save the kicking it at home for once we get to know one another.

W and I went to Monsoon on the Santa Monica Promenade. Its a Pan-Asian themed restaurant and lounge that had a live jazz band. We didn't eat, but we had a couple of drinks and chilled. It was really nice. W is a good conversationalist and he seemed interested in me and what I had to say. He was trying to be affectionate with me, which is not a bad thing, but I usually take a little while to warm up to people. I made it clear (not in a bitchy way) that although I like being affectionate I have to become more comfortable around someone before I can be that way.

After we left Monsoon we went back to his condo and chilled for a little while. His place is nice. Its apparent that its a bachelor pad (yes, I was looking for signs of a female presence) but it was still relatively clean. While we were sitting on the couch watching Cedric the Entertainer's HBO special, he leaned over and kissed me. I was a little apprehensive about that (remember the last guy I kissed?) but he was a really good kisser. He made me want more, lol. There was definitely a lot of chemistry between us and I wanted to explore that, but its too early in the game. I want to get to know him more as a person before I become physical with him. It's hard though, because my plan B isn't working out so I'm not getting dicked down on the regular anymore.

I trust that everything will work itself out. I'm glad I met someone who is cool, attractive, and sexy and who hasn't given me a reason to complain right off the bat. I'm looking forward to getting to know W and seeing where things lead.

Just Chillin' Out

2006-10-28T12:42:00.000-07:00

Damn its a beautfiul day in the City of Angels! The sunshine is having a good effect on my mood today. I slept in until 10:30 today, which isn't late for some, but it is for me considering I have to wake up at 6 am everyday.

I have no idea what I'm going to get into for the rest of the weekend. Last night I went to Level 3. It was alright. I'm over the whole club thing, but I still go sometimes because I like to go dancing. The DJ was whack for most of the night. We got to the club about a quarter to midnight, and he was playing all the crap they play on the radio. That sucks ass. Most of the time I would rather go to dinner or to a bar. I love get togethers with friends. That's always a good time. Much better to hang out with a bunch of friends rather than around a bunch of strangers.

For the rest of the day I plan on doing some studying for my online classes, cleaning my room, and watching everything I didn't get the chance to watch all week. I still have to watch Nip/Tuck, Girlfriends, and I have a few movies saved that I need to watch. I may hang out with my friend later. We may catch dinner and drinks or something.

I'm in an extremely relaxed state of mind right now, which is good. For the past few weeks I've been super stressed about everything from work to family issues. I wasn't eating and my body was acting all out of whack because of stress. My skin was breaking out, my bladder was acting all weird, and I couldn't sleep. It was bad. I've reached somewhat of a calm, so I feel a little more at ease. I really need to be taking better care of myself and I need to work on stress management.

Oh Hell No! (DC Edition)

2006-10-23T22:44:00.000-07:00

I almost had the opportunity to get it in with someone who I have been physically attracted to since homecoming last year. Me & J, who is a friend of a friend, have a pretty strong sexual attraction to one another. Honestly I can't say that I really like him as a person, but I just really wanted to do him. I wanted to get that out of my system.

So imagine my glee when I saw J this year when I went to DC. I was planning on banging him something serious when the opportunity presented itself. And present itself it did after we left Bohemian Cavern together last Thursday night. After we got rid of all our friends, I went with him back to his place in Arlington.

We talked for a minute, then we started kissing. *Sighing* I'm a true believer that the way a person kisses is indicative of their skills in the sack. And if J's kissing skills are an indication of his skills, I would have been in for a huge disappointment. You would think by looking at J that he would be a divine kisser. He's so sexy! But no. This mofo kisses like a damn lizard! His mouth was all dry and shit, and he did the thing where he was just kind of sucking on my bottom lip. Ew! He was by far one of the worst kissers I have ever experienced.

"But it's now or never," I thought to myself. "I need to relieve this frustration, so we need to get it on now!" So J moved his hands down and began to touch my breasts. He took my nipples into his mouth...and proceeded to gnaw on them! What. The. Hell! Note: men, we don't like when you suck on our nipples really hard. That shit hurts. Its not sexy. That shit you see on porn is not real. Be gentle! After I let J have access to my breasts my damn nipples were peeling for three days. No lie!

And please don't let me get started on the manual action. Well, I'm already started so I'll keep going. He called himself trying to stimulate me by jamming his big ass dry fingers in my vagina. Lubrication is the name of the game. Learn it, use it, love it. I was trying to let him know that what he was doing wasn't the business, but I think he misread my signs. I finally had to grab his hand and remove it from my vaginal area before he fucked around and irritated my shit.

Now this may be TMI for my male readers, so if you don't want to hear about another man's dick, stop reading...but this negro had the ugliest penis I've ever seen. I believe penises can be beautiful. My LA piece has one of the most beautiful penises I've ever seen. But J's was an odd shade of brown, oddly shaped, and it was average sized at best. Based on the way it looked alone, it wasn't anything that I wanted inside me.

Needless to say, we didn't end up doing it. Neither one of us had protection anyway, so it wasn't going down either way. I was very disappointed though, because a) I was faded and I didn't get any, b) I had high hopes for getting down with J, and c) because I spent my first night in DC not in my fabulous hotel room down the street from the Capitol, but with the nipple gnawer with the odd penis. It goes to show you that although someone may be very attractive, that may be all they have going for themselves. J was sexy, but his personality is mediocore at best, he's a bad kisser, and I would bet my favorite pair of gold loafers that he is a bad lay.

The physical attraction I once had for J has completed vanished. And sadly enough, he is probably going around gnawing on peoples' titties and irritating coochies from MD to DC to VA. Sad.

*Off to go put some cocoa butter on my nipples.*

DC According To Me

2006-10-23T21:25:00.000-07:00

I've been back home for about a week now but I'm just now making time to blog about my DC trip. I hit the ground running as soon as my plane arrived back to LAX. Now that all the hoopla has died down, it's back to real life. Eh.

This year was my second year in a row going to DC for Howard's homecoming. Last year I didn't participate in any of the actual homecoming activities. Yardfest? Nope. Step show? Nah. Did I even set foot on Howard's campus? Well yea, but only to go to the ATM. Bank of America locations are scarce out there! However, I did go to Love, I went shopping in Georgetown, and I did a lot of sight seeing.

This year I didn't do any real homecoming stuff either. I went to Bohemian Cavern, Love, and chilled out with friends. The city itself and my friends who live out there are my real motivation for going to visit DC. Homecoming was the backdrop. I had a ball kicking it with them, drinking, and acting the fool. Truth be told, I'm too damn old to be all into the homecoming hoopla. I graduated from college 2 1/2 years ago. I'm over the whole college thing. Of course if I had gone to Howard, I would have different attitude. But that ain't the deal.

The next time I go to DC, it won't be for HU's homecoming. I'm really too old for that shit. I want to go out there to enjoy myself, not to be among tens of thousands of out of towners who are in town for the homecoming meat market.