What's On Your Mind Today, BGI?

Ever notice people who go around claiming how real they are be the fakest mufuckas? If you feel the need to tell people how real you are, chances are you're probably not. Doers never talk, and talkers never do. Let your actions speak and shut the fuck up!

I have a date tonight but I kind of don't want to go. I'm tired. Had a long week. Plus the guy isn't that interesting. He's one of those people who is very agreeable. He agrees with pretty much everything I say. If I farted and said it smelled like roses he would nod his head in agreement. I don't trust men like that.

I been hitting the gym hard lately. I lost three pounds! It may not sound like much but when I first started working out again I actually gained weight because I was lifting weights. I'm beginning to see the fruits of my labor. I fit into my skinny jeans. I almost cried. And I never show raw emotion. I'm gonna have Madonna arms by spring.

Three weeks until All-Star Weekend, and I'm still not ready. Plane ticket? Nope. Lodging? Crashing with some folks. At first I was apathetic and I didn't care whether I was going or not, but as it gets closer I'm getting more excited about it. At least as excited as I can get.

I am soooo ashamed to admit this, but I really like that song "On the Hotline" by Pretty Ricky. The beat is real catchy.

Doesn't "Pretty Ricky" usually refer to one person? It's singular so why is it being used as a name for 4 people?

As pro-black as I am, I never thought I would see the day when I would be attracted to a yt guy. But the day has arrived. And the yt guy is hella cool too. I can now say from personal experience that one cannot help who they are attracted to.

My date tonight is not with the yt guy, btw.

I guess I'll go and bs some more before I get ready to head out....Peace.

Moving On...

In my last post I wrote about the throwback dude and how things weren't working between us. I decided to unilaterally end the situation. My heart had already moved on, but I decided to fully extricate myself from someone who I knew was toxic for me. Initially I was a little sad (only slightly) but I am happy and content with my decision. I'm glad that I came to my senses before I ended up knee deep in some bullshit.

I feel like I've reached a point where I am content with my single life. It wasn't easy for me to reach this point though. This upcoming March will mark two years of my being single. In the past I was the chick who always had a man (and a couple of others stashed away just in case) so when I became single for an extended period of time it was an adjustment. I have had a few pseudo-relationships over the past couple of years but for some reason destiny wouldn't allow them to become the real thing. Sometimes I felt like something was wrong with me because I was single, but now I see that it was something necessary for me. I needed to grow as a person, without a significant other. I have grown immensely over the past several years. I've become more self-reliant, I've developed a stronger sense of self, and I have become very comfortable in my own skin. I am very happy with the person I am, flaws and all.

I now embrace my singlehood. I haven't even reached my prime yet. This is my time now!

Don't Take It Personal

People are self-centered by nature. I'm guilty of it, and you probably are too. Despite that fact, most people know when to push their selfish tendencies aside. Some people never learn when they are supposed to put a lid on their selfishness. They only think about themselves and they don't consider how their actions affect other people.

If a person is in a place where they aren't capable of letting the selfishness go, that person should think twice before pursuing romantic relationships. I decided to let someone back into my life who I have previously dated. I stopped dating the guy because he didn't make time for me and he was emotionally unavailable to me most of the time. After I ended things, he called a couple of months later asking for another chance to make things right. I usually don't date throwbacks, but for some reason I decided to give him another chance. We had an extensive conversation about where things went wrong, and what needed to be done to fix things.

That was several weeks ago, and now things are exactly like they were before. He's going back to being unavailable and not making time for me. Funny thing is, I don't feel neglected or hurt, but I do feel disrespected. I have expressed to this person my needs, wants, and expectations, but he doesn't seem to take them seriously. When I tell him he acts like he understands what I'm saying, but things don't change. He has told me several times that he wants to have a relationship with me, but I don't understand how that can be if he brushes me off when I communicate things to him.

At first I took it pretty hard that he wasn't considerate of my feelings. But I began to realize that I shouldn't feel bad because he is self-centered. His actions have less to do with me and more to do with where he is in his life right now. It sucks that he is leading me on when he's not ready to seriously date someone, but I'm not about to feel bad because he can't get his shit together. Who knows why he is telling me one thing and his actions say otherwise? I'm not about to get all up in arms about it. I have way too much stuff going on to be worried about his ass.

My powers as a black woman are limited. I can't make someone be a certain way. I can only express to them how I expect to be treated. If they can handle it, cool. If not, there's the door. There's a saying that goes: "you teach people how to treat you."

Another saying goes: "everything happens for a reason." I'm sure I'm supposed to learn something from this. So far, all I got is that some people are just selfish assholes, and there is nothing you can do about it.

Monday's Random Thoughts

It never fails that as soon as you are over someone, they start sweating you. When I wanted you, you were acting all aloof and shit. Now that I don't want you anymore you want to be all in my face?

On the same token, blowing up my phone is not going to make me answer. It actually has the opposite effect. And I'll start talking bad about you to my friends when you do it.

My coworkers are nosy as a muthafucka. Go get some business and stay up outta mine!

White people at my job don't eat sugar. They guzzle diet soda and coffee with splenda all day. Remember that rumor that fake sugar causes anal leakage? And that it can cause cancer? Hmmm...sugar, or chemicals? Trading one unhealthy thing for another.

My trainer hates me. He really does. Why else would he subject me to inhumane exercise techniques? Oh that's right to whip me into shape. That's what I'm paying him for. Aaaahhhh. My whole body hurts, I can barely move. No pain, no gain?

I feel like complaining today. I'm a woman, I'm a Virgo. I'm entitled to that.

Hello 2007!

Happy New Year to all! I hope everyone had a wonderful and joyous holiday. Mine turned out quite alright I must say. I rang in the New Year with someone who I never thought I would ever speak to again, and we had a good time together. We drank champagne, smoked some ooo-wee, and enjoyed one another's company. Hopefully I won't have to bad mouth him on my blog anytime soon.

I wish I had a laundry list of New Year's resolutions, but I don't. I don't believe in New Year's resolutions. Throughout the year I make lifestyle choices that I feel make me better. I'm not good at the whole resolution thing. I would rather make a choice and stick with it, no matter what time of year it is.

Too bad I'm too lazy to do a 2006 wrap-up. Suffice it to say that '06 was a good year for me, despite the ups and downs I've endured. I have no complaints because I've learned a lot, I've evolved immensely, and I had a good ass fucking time in '06. It was definitely better than '05 and I plan on making '07 even better.

I'm glad I made it to 2007. I'm glad that I have my family and friends and that they made it too. I feel very blessed.